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140,201 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
I don't know, where would you be?
Sometimes I wish I could get the same deep meaning other people get from poetry.
A poetic epigram! Aka, couplets.
Couplets are like quotes for poetry. That is, they're quick snippets meant to quickly convey an idea in just two lines. Furthermore, they call attention to themselves through their rhythm and meter. Most of the time they rhyme. But not always.
To me, this couplet is conveying somewhat of an existential crisis. The speaker is falling back into a self-questioning question (I know there's a term for this, but I can't recall it). It's like an infinite loop with no satisfactory ending.
But I would expand upon it some. Unfortunately, the idea behind the couplet has already been used quite a lot in the past. You need to personalize it and make it your own. At the moment, the emotion is flat because it's very familiar. Breath some fire into it! That's difficult to do with couplets, but that's why writing them is so rewarding.
Hi there Aley!
To be frank, there's really not a whole lot here and the direction of it seems a little waywards. Personally, it feels like just two lines, with little thought to it. No matter how short or long a poem may be, there should always be a lot of consideration in how it will be shaped, vocabulary-wise as well as visually. I think this poem is lacking in both aspects.
It kind of reminds me of a proverb and quite cliche at that, too. But who am I to tell you what you can and cannot write? If you really want to have a punchy and intense poem in such a short space, you can do that with the right ideas.
First, let's start with the words. It actually doesn't make a lot of sense when you read it properly. For example, if this was just your average sentence, it would be like this:
It's strange and twists awkwardly in the head. However, with a very simple rearrangement of some words, it could make complete sense:
See? Sense.
Secondly, it's boring. It's set up like an average poem but let's make the readers think, or at least give it some aesthetic appeal. Space it out (but too much as to make it pretentiously done) and give it some thought. Don't just tap away at the return button on your keyboard. Think about it. And then you could have a really beautiful and meaningful couplet.
Yours,
Lav
Thank you for writing so much about two lines.
I would like you to know that I did spend a lot of time trying to put this together just how I wanted it, but it was a real struggle for me to come up with something that would try to invoke curious thought in two lines. It is interesting to me that you picked up on my point, without seeing that it was the point.
I'll have to spend a few more weeks pondering on this challenge and trying to figure out how to write couplets.
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by using space to create something different or more meaningful. Could you give me an example from someone?
In what I mean in relation to 'spacing', I realize that it would not longer be a sonnet. Sorry about that. But if you are still curious, don't hesitate to send me a PM (message - not chat! That doesn't work on my laptop).