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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Hello there Aley.
This sounded like it was written in a code. It added mystery to it, but I couldn't really understand what you were getting at. It sounded really cool, but I had no idea what you were saying.
Your rhyming was really good despite the confusion. If I had any idea what this was about I would try and help you get your message across clearer. what WAS this about anyway?
So your rhyme might have been holding you back. If you're writing about a specific subject, then write what you WANT to say first and then try changing words to make it rhyme. don't be a slave to your rhyme. be a slave to your subject!
Good job all together it sounded like a very deep piece, and it was quite pretty.
Keep writing!
-Fortis Fortitude
Hello again, with your review.
But anyway, I liked your choice of words nonetheless, especially this part:
I liked this piece, and can't help but notice you're not using the word rent
"And yet, not quite the picture you present.
A bull upon a hill run through with spears,
With not a drop of blood, the spears are bent.
Upon the hill, you shine as lack of fears."
I think that paints a fantastic image in the mind, even if the poem as a whole is a bit difficult to understand and interpret. (At the least, you didn't paint the image of an appartment.) Still, though, I can't help but find myself reading and rereading this piece, trying to figure it out. It's a tough one.
I give it an 8 out of 10, because despite it's beauty, and excellent flow, I can't seem to understand it.
I hope that somewhere in this shoddy and sarcastic review, you found something of value when you read it.
Methrirr123
Hello Aley a Jordin here for a review I hope that it helps you some.
I am not quit sure that TOE is the right word to use up there and another thing why did you switch from a human to a bull?
Very nice work other wise i really liked at least I really liked you spelling and grammar stuff.
Keep writing and have a happy Easter.
~Jon~
lol, this is serious(i think?) but i can't help laughing for some strange reason.... i don't fully understand this, but i still think u put a lot of thought into this piece. any ways, good job!