Tell Me Not Your Tale of Woe

You are a very strong writer. You have written something that is unique and vivid. You've got excellent rhythm and flow. It's bendable, weaving, and glides the reader along. So raw and emotional, too. I really love it. One of my favorite parts of writing is word choice. Word choice has great impact on a poem. It can determine whether a poem fails or succeeds. You my dear, have everything going for you in this poem. However, your word choice could use work. And watch your tone. It seems to change and be uneven sometimes. And rethink of revise some of your similes and metaphors. Best of luck!

Hey there!

I really like the title of this poem. And I like the rhyme scheme you have. But I think it does injustice to the poem itself. It feels cramped and forced into a very small hole. I feel like by forcing yourself into this hole, and repeating yourself so much about the tale, you wasted a lot of lines on empty breath rather than on emotions, imagery, and true poetry. So, for that reason, you may want to extract from this your idea, your content, your story and meaning, but go back to the drawing board for the rhyme scheme and meter. Not every message fits in the same bottle, you know?

Hope this helps,

Em.

Hey, Aley girl!

I like the idea of this speaker rejecting the sad story that someone is clearly pretty desperate to tell, 'cause the speaker just doesn't want to hear it. I think it gets a little muddled in trying to dance along with the form you chose, but you can probably patch it up.

First take a look at the beginning and the end. They use the exact same words and seem to mean the exact same thing, but at the same time the beginning of the last stanza makes it seem like the speaker could help but hear the tale and now they're defeated. Which means it doesn't make sense for them to still be asking the other person to not tell them. If you were going for the cool thing where the words stay mostly the same because that echoes the past and highlights the change of the future, I'd suggest you change at least a word or two of the refrain to make it clear that it's not just a repetition for the sake of repetition, but for that very device I mentioned.

Next, you have some very jarring tone changes. First, it sound silly to me for someone to stand on their toe. I don't like it, 'cause it breaks the tone I think you were trying to build. It sounds like Dr. Seuss instead of a graceful rhyme scheme, you know? The second jarring place is where suddenly we have an image and an extended metaphor (with the introduction of the doe). That you take it beyond the stanza you found it in makes me feel like it could serve your purpose, but it wasn't there in the beginning. In the beginning the speech was decidedly human and non-extended-metaphorized, so it seems like you have two halves which takes away from the unity of the poem that the refrain tries to emphasize.

Chew on these thoughts, bring in the scents and lights of the chase ('cause I like more tangible details), and PM me with any questions or comments. Good luck!

This was a really good poem, and I can really see your message in it about the importance of everyone's seperate opinion. It was a really strong poem, beginning to end. One of the things I liked was the metaphor lines like "I bound away a sacred doe" and "The arrow losses from your bow." It was a very strong message, delivered in a very strong way. The only thing that bugged me was the last stanza has four lines, instead of three. I know that you porbably did that for a reason, and the stanza is great, but I just didn't like it. I wouldn't fix it though, if I were you. I can see what it would mean and I like all the lines in it, I just didn't like that it had more. But like I said, don't really change that, I'm just complaining that it annoyed me.
Once again, great poem, great message, great everything.

Aley! yes, it's me again! Here for this piece's first review! Sorry for popping in for reviews all the time, so now, I'll just give a very quick chop-up to lower the tension.

IMPRESSIONS, IMPRESSIONS:
I think that this is one of your strongest works. It carried much defiance of the fact that everyone's opinion is important. I really like that you've established a very ground concept that you don't want to hear one's tale of woe, a concept which you firmly kept all throughout the piece. I'm very proud to say that this is one of the strengths of the poem, you didn't forget reminding the people of your aim in the piece

Rhythm, I think it's one of the cutest things I've found. The piece itself can be sung because of its simple rhymes here and there, showing its great flexibility as a poem. As for the tone, great work keeping it steady all-throughout. Although, I gotta say that the repeating line 'Tell me not your tale of woe' is some kind of a formal, semi-Shakespearean kind of verses due to its very emotional writing, so it doesn't fit well with the other lines which were mostly modern. I know revising this part will be hard, but if you really think that the flow of the piece matters so much, then this is your priority.

That tale my ears my never know.

I balance softly on my toe
Sweet ignorance controls me
Tell me not your tale of woe.

as you try to make me be
That tale my ears may never know.

I bound away a sacred doe
Your prey before your midday tea
Tell me not your tale of woe