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Breaking heart

by ABC123


My heart is breaking,

been breaking for so long -

didn't even realise.

Didn't even realise.

The damage is bad and I cry, 

it's extensive even.

Although I think I'll survive,

I'll survive.

And now it's been beating, broken like this

for so, so long.

I knew something was off, 

Knew something was off.

But not this bad.

Although thanks to you,

I'll find a way because 

I always do.

You keep me together,

yet you don't have a clue,

do you?

Do you?


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258 Reviews


Points: 21070
Reviews: 258

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Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:29 am
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Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi @ABC123 am here to do a quick review on your work. So lets get right into it shell we. First of I really like how smooth this is, and how the lines just feel up lifting. Before I really get into it I am just going to say that I give you a real thumps up for this one.

My heart is breaking,

been breaking for so long -

didn't even realise.

Didn't even realise.

Okay so these first lines that melted my heart, I just feel this poem waving though me.
One thing though before I forget realise is spelt wrong.
realise>realize
So just a really small thing that is easy to change.

The damage is bad and I cry,

it's extensive even.

Although I think I'll survive,

I'll survive.

Loved these warm following lines as well. I just feel like this poem is real and that its really happening. Images are coming to life. When I started reading this poem with all these lines I started singing it as a song. Lovely work, it has a great flow.

It's been beating, broken like this

for so, so long.
Okay so I really do like this, but I just think that the top line needs a bit of work. So I am going to put this in Suggestions, everything that I ad and change will be in bold.

I knew something was off,

Knew something was off.

But not this bad.

Although thanks to you,

I'll find a way because

I always do.

Lovely lines here I really feel the emotions soaring to though the air here. I can feel you building up your strength again. All the time my heart was beating to the words. Being filled with life.

You keep me together,

yet you don't have a clue,

do you?

Do you?

I think that this is a great way to end this poem. It is great to read I love everything. I just feel like you really expressed your self a lot in this one poem. This poem really mad my day. you started and ended it really well.

Suggestions

It's been beating, and now its been broken like this


So that is all that I can say. If was being to hash or mean then I am really sorry. So keep up the great poem writing here. I loved reading this your a great writer with poetry. I look forward to hearing more from you.

So have a great Day/Night

@Dossereana Out In The Sky Of Reviews




ABC123 says...


Dear Dossereana.
Thank you much for your lovely review, your comments have been taken into account.
ABC123



Dossereana says...


your welcome, I am glade that I could help.




You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.
— Stephen King