trust me when i say that
you have to give this life
another chance.
because, well because
you don't know
what you're missing out on,
'til it's too late
things have gone by
you'll miss out
and you can't stop the clock,
but i mean
without some kind of awesome power,
you can't hit fast-forward
or push rewind
on the clock of time.
the tick-tock tick-tock of the clock
will just keep ticking.
like a star we see
in the night sky,
there will only be certain times
when we can see that star.
that doesn't mean that it
isn't there.
just because you can't see
doesn't mean your blind.
take a deep breath
and open your eyes.
i'm telling you
that if you carry on like this,
one day you'll end up sitting
on the cutting room floor of your brain
surrounded by those happier days
then you'll look in utter despair at so many wasted moments.
you'll try to find yourself again,
the one you were before,
but find you've lost yourself by the door
and the door is now closed
it's barred to you.
i promise you that there is a world of many things
that you can't see anymore,
because you've been so blinded by
your grief, your anger
that you can't see it
but i swear to you that
there are people that love you
people that care
even if it doesn't feel that way
all the time
every second
of every hour
of every day.
and life can be hard
and sometimes unfair
you're not the only one though
everyone's had those days
you just tend to have them more than most.
but if others can get through
the wicked ever-changing maze called life
and reach the middle, emerge triumphant,
then so can you.
i'll give you an hour to mull that over
you wash your face and rinse those puffy eyes out
learn to smile again.
don't disappear into yourself though,
lose yourself
lock yourself away
miss out on the very best that life can offer you
just because you think you're not good enough.
and I promise
you won't regret it
you'll feel better when you learn to lean on someone.
i promise
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Hey there, this is Arpan Ekka to write a few review points for this poem.
The poem is obviously reassuring and shows the brighter side of life and all of it's problems and how a positive attitude can help solve all the problems.
Now the other side.
For any lazy reader like me, it seems just a narration of all the usual thoughts that can be heard at any counsellor's lecture, no paragraphs or breaks or any unique comparisons or similes or metaphors. Try to make the poem a bit more interesting by adding phrases, like in this one you could have said something like, "Just as the Sun does rise after every stormy night; There will be happiness after every tough time." , or something that would blend in much better.
Overall the narration is perfect and the thoughts are finely sculpted into words, just a bit of decoration and detailing is required.
Thank you. Keep writing and keep flourishing. Will be waiting for your next work.
Arpanekka, thank you for this great review. Your points have been taken into consideration! ABC123
Wow. That was profound.
Hey, it's ZeldaIsSheik here -now with a properly spelled name- to review this amazing work of poetry I don't want to waste too much time on the intro today, so let's jump right in!
Let's start with "complaints" I may have about your writing. I understand each writer has a style, so I won't criticize any of what is simply your style of writing. I will criticize, however, uh... um... well, the sixth line felt kinda choppy? It went from around 3-4 syllables to 6, throwing me off. That's something I had to cherrypick, though, meaning this is a really well-written poem.
The message of this poem is one probably every reader can get behind. It's one of giving up, giving in. I appreciate the deep truths to this poem, begging whom the poem is addressed to to be happy and fight their depression. Though times can be and are tough, pushing through is worth it. The world may be unfair, but as you are reminding yourself through this poem, if you let those tough times overtake you, you will simply be giving up.
Something I also enjoyed was the all lowercase writing. I feel it just flows better this way, and I appreciate you adding it to your poem. I don't use it very often, but after seeing this, I suppose I may! That's all I've got for you. See you again soon!
ZeldaIsSheik, thank you so much for such a kind review! I'm really gald that you liked it, your comment about line 6 has been noted and taken into account. ABC123
*glad
<3