If you think that you know better,
you having always been
the trend setter,
the go getter,
just take into consideration that you
might be wrong.
Just maybe,
Just saying...
don't get cocky, will you?
Look again,
look closer,
look deeper than
you've ever looked before.
But, I mean,
if you're sure you know better,
nothing to the contrary to suggest otherwise?
Let it go anyway
Who cares if you know better than
anyone-else.....
everyone-else?
Except you, my high and mighty friend?
No-one.
And nah mate, I'm not kidding neither.
Move on, get a grip...
But more to the point, get a life.
Stop being the know-it-all for once,
you'll end up taking the fall one day,
and a hard one at that.
Just live for once
Just breathe.
Breathe.
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Hi, Lives4Christ is here with a review on this amazing work of poetry
I really see the message in the poetry, that life isn't about the outward stuff. God looks on the inside not the outside. Sometimes you have to realize this and remind yourself of this and just take break from all the drama and enjoy life.
I don't see any errors in your poetry, I really like the poem and I think it might get in the literary spotlight.
There's a Christian song by Jonny Diaz called breathe and your poem reminded me of it and these lyrics
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
I really look forward to seeing your work in the future
Lives4Christ24, thank you for your review. ABC123
No problem.
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this poem concerning someone whom the speaker feels is a know-it-all and who urgently needs to be told. The poem does convey the anger and frustration that the speaker feels towards that person who is perceived as arrogant. It gives the impression that the speaker feels victimized and wants the person to receive retribution via humiliation. So if vindictiveness based on resentfulness were the emotions intended to be conveyed, then it did a very good job of conveying them.
As a reader, of course, I could not share in that emotion since I am not aware of the details. Sometimes enthusiasm in helping others via pointing out where they can improve might be understood that way. So although I did understand the anger and frustration, I had to remain neutral.
However, the possibility that it might have been inspired by advice received in the Greenroom that was understood as the reviewer knowing it all did cross my mind and proved a bit distracting.
Suggestions:
Punctuation
. . . . the go getter[,]
[y]ou're most likely wrong. [Otherwise you have a sentence fragment.]
About so many things. [sentence fragment]
[D]on't get cocky, will you? [Start of new sentence]
But, I mean[,]
nothing to the contrary to suggest otherwise? [Sentence fragment]
But more to the point, get a life!!! [Triple exclamations are considered overkill.]
Just live for once[.]
Just breathe[.]
Hello Radrook, thanks for the review. Just to be clear, this poem isn't directed at anyone in particular, it was just something I wrote really.
ABC123
Thanks for the explanation. Good use of the imagination. That definitely takes talent! Please note that as a reader can't know a writer's motive. I can only react to what is written and assume that the emotions expressed are being felt on some level. What that level is can only be conjectured. However, it is fair to assume that the writer who writes of feeling strong emotions wants those expressions to be taken as genuine. Otherwise why would the writer write them? The emotions you wrote about sounded genuine to me and I had no reason to assumed that they were not being felt. In any case, my apologies if I somehow offended. Not my intention.
Radrook, not at all. I understand what you%u2019re saying and I will try, in the future, to explain in more depth about that kind of thing. ABC123