Today is the first day of the school. The school uniform isn’t made yet. But she has an identity card given by the new school. She has already thought with whom she will talk and with whom she will not.
She entered the school nervously. “Hello. Don’t be nervous. All will become your friends.” said Miss Adena, the principal in a genial way which made all her fears fly away. The electric bell rang making a ringing sound and all students ran to the assembly ground fluttering the dust. Miss Adena took Marie to the platform. “Silence! Silence! Hush… so today we have a new friend. Her name is Marie. She is a student of class 5. So, class 5 will get one new friend. Will you be friends with her?”
“Yes” nearly the whole school replied, the class 5’s voice being the loudest.
“Ok ok. Let’s start our assembly. You - yes you, come up and do the prayer.” said Miss Adena pointing towards a student of class 5.
The student began the prayer and to Marie it seemed that although the prayer is a large one but it's obviously better than the old one. After the prayer, the principal directed Marie toward the line of class 5 and she joined them.
All the students standing around her asking her identity, where she read earlier- could she have thought all these can happen with her? It was an inscrutable experience. Then there was the entry of the villain of the school(as she was called)- the maths teacher. All literally raced to the seat except Marie. “Hello?” the teacher shouted, “if you think I will do favour to you, you are quite wrong.”
“Ma’am actually” Marie stuttered
“What Ma’am? Go and take your seat.”
“Where will I sit? That’s my question”
“How will i know? Go and sit on the last bench. That’s empty.”
Marie nodded and went there.
She started teaching, “ok. What am i gonna teach today?- yes, percentage. You- the new girl, what’s your name?”
“Marie” she answered.
“Yes. Marie. What an awkward name! Whatever… Tell me what is percentage?”
Marie’s eyes became narrower at the first sentence and wider in the second. She thought, “ How dare she tell my name awkward? That means she told the school name also awkward. I will seriously complain about it to Miss. Adena.”
“Hello? I asked you one question.” shouted the disgusting teacher.
“You told my name awkward, what else did you say?”
“Shut up! I asked what’s percentage.”
Marie surmised that it should be something related to money because she had heard her father talking about it with the shopkeeper when they went to the market to buy vegetables. She said so. The teacher snapped, “Shut up you blockhead.”
“It’s a number or ratio expressed as a percentage of 100. ok?”
“Yes ma’am” the whole class replied hastily.
“Ok. so, first maths. Who is going to solve the first sum?”
No hands were raised except the hands of Marley Skye. her hands were high up in the air. It seemed like the gravity was not attracting her hands anymore.
“None! No one except Marley? No one will pass this year except her.” snarled Miss Adena.
While some shrugged their shoulders, others crossed their mouth. There were some who looked as if they had not listened to the words. While all these were going on, a number of thoughts appeared in Marie’s head - “Who is the wisest student in the class? Why is the teacher so cruel? When will the teacher go out of the class? Who is the next teacher? Is she like this first teacher? Has anyone complained about her? If yes, why head ma’am didn’t take any step? If no, why no? Will I complain about her?”
In the meantime, Marley has solved almost 10 sums- the board was too short for writing- Marley’s handwriting was large- she erased it after doing every single sum- the class couldn't copy from the black board- the bell rang - she told to submit the copies and went away leaving all in an annoyed state. Without getting anything to do, whole class jumped over Marley and pitiable Marley had to do the sums again in each copy including Marie’s.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm baaack for another review!!
First Impression: This was a pretty solid continuation from the previous one, we get introduced to Marie's class and someone who I feel will become Marie's arch nemesis of sorts in the school here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...alright, things appear to be starting out fairly well in this school..although hmm, I wonder why the principal announces her arrival to the whole school, usually its only announced in the class...but I suppose if this is maybe a small school or something like that it would make sense...anyway that was a bit of a nitpick there.
OKay...well, it looks like Marie at least has a good first impression of this principal here, and maybe she'll be a bit less mischievous than she was in her old school.
Oooh....xD...the maths teacher being the strictest one and the "villain of the school" is pretty funny...well, let's see how this interaction might go...I have a feeling that this one might end up being a bad for poor Marie.
Well...that's definitely not a very helpful teacher there...you can see right from that tone that she's not particularly caring towards new student and seems to only care about doing her work and leaving rather than looking out for the students themselves.
Hmm...well, this should be interesting...looks like Marie's about to get singled out here...and I get the sneaking suspicion that this teacher is going to end up becoming an actual villain in the story here.
Oooh, you can clearly see how much she already seems to hate the maths teacher which how she's describing her inside her head...and also we seem some nice snarkiness coming out there with the comment about the name.
Okay...that's definitely very uncalled for...as much as Marie is also being a little rude here, the teacher is definitely wayy out of line there in the way that she's treating Marie.
Well...this is pretty much every Maths class, there's always only like five people at most that raise their hands to answer a question..ahh you really do manage to capture the class environment in this stories quite well, and that stands out among the other small issues that plague the work as something that's always done very well.
Hmm..that seems like a reasonable set of things to be considering on your first day in a new school...I like how we're now really starting to see much more of Marie's character as we come into these later chapters here.
Okay....that ended there got quite a bit rushed towards the end once again...and the pacing was going so well till then..ahh, but yeah, this is good to see, until the very last paragraph where it almost looks like you kind of forget how to end the story and rushed through it, this was very nicely done here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a bit of a new beginning and you captured it quite well I think. The character of this teacher is definitely unlikeable and it does look like she's meant to be the evil person and she seems to do a good job in that role. Anyway, looking forward to see where this goes next
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Forever,
I found this lesson somewhat interesting and well constructed, was just a bit confused at Marley Skye. You didn't introduce her directly and the introduction here seemed more like we already know her. I strongly suspect it's her who said the prayer at the beginning. Marley seems to be about the opposite of Marie and hope that there will be a rivalry developing there.
Mailice here with a short review!
So we experience the first day at the new school with Marie and to my surprise I was already very excited to read what would happen. I liked that you included some named and important characters, and also gave an interpretation of which party Marie is in.
You clearly see a change in Marie and also how she is treated, which I think is a great (and good) extreme. The teacher was really mean and I already can't stand her.
I'll briefly touch on a point here that has struck me a few times:
Your opening here is written a bit like you left something out. The sentences make sense on their own, but in the context of one sentence to another, you write it without connection. It reads something like this: "Today is Monday. I ate spinach last Wednesday. My dog runs after the cows. I know my co-workers are working."
"Today is the first day of the school.
But the school uniform isn't made yet. Although, Marie has an identity card given by the secretariat of the new school. By then, Marie already thought, with whom she will talk and with whom she will not.
Since I really see potential in what you write, because it falls into the Young Adult category, I think you should keep writing. In any case, you must never stop. You just have to try to connect the sentences, at the moment they are loose, like a bridge that has no ropes to hold on to.
Haha.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Thanks for the review
The ending I honestly found funny. Poor Marley! I actually felt disgusted by the teacher, which means your words have a lot of emotion. The new school is treating Marie well, I see. I liked that phrase "fluttered the dust", it is an excellent use of vocabulary. At least, I thought so. In the end the haste in everything is shown well, but I feel it became too hasty at a point. Other than that, I liked it.
thanks for your review
Alice is here to give a review!!!
Well done this time with the chapter. This will be the best work of yours I have read till now. You really are a good adopter, in the last review I pointed about your description that they don't let us imagine everything perfectly but this time it was well written.
SUGGESTIONS
This line would have sounded more better this way:
And keep in mind that the first word in the quotation marks is always capital.
I think the words I have cutted was not needed there because it is obvious that she is a maths teacher and she will teach that only.
And I suggest the name of the chapter should be The villain of the new school
SMALL NITPICKS
There should be 'the whole class'.
There is not much nitpicks to point out in the chapter. You did a good job!!!
Lets get to the fun part!
Marie, maths teachers are always cruel.
Why do teachers do this. If we would have learned everything before hand, so what is the need of the teachers. So relatable!!!
Marie is such a sweet name how can you call it awkward.
This is all I have to say, this was a great chapter the thought of Marie was well written and the diologues were nice. Everything in the chapter was perfect!!!
Bye!!!
thanks for your great review. I like the title suggested.
hey, how do you do this? i mean the quoting?
Just go in here and you will understand how to quote lines or striking a word. Here you go The big book of YWS codes
If you wanna quote something just write the line you wanna quote between
. Like if you wanna quote I am 1234, write that line between them and it will appear like this:Sorry I am confusing you write the line between
I don't know why it is appearing like this but just go to that link I have send and you will understand it
yes, I understood. thank you so much for your help. now I can quote.
And there is a club called newbies club join it and you can ask the questions there they will help you.
ok. thanks, I will surely join it. I have written chapter 6. you can check it out.
Maybe a title could be new beginnings?
yes yes, a good one. thanks %uD83D%uDE0A
I like the concept of introducing her to a new school- but perhaps you can introduce certain characters or scenes to foreshadow something bad happening. Or to foreshadow a friendship even. Who did she hang out with? What did she do at breaktime? Since breaktime is a time to hang out with friends, chat with people etc, it often says a lot about a character if they are sitting alone, or are with people. We would start to know Marie as then being an introverted or extroverted character.
I think that the line 'said Miss Adena, the principal in a genial way which made all her fears fly away'
I think that this is a strong line, and even the potential to create a strong character. What does Miss Adena look and speak like? Since she was very warm and welcoming, she seems like an important character that could influence Marie- even perhaps salvation against a school full of strangers.
I also loved the way Marie questioned to herself about the teacher- perhaps but this in italics, to really create the effect. Even extend on the questions 'who is the wisest person in class' and 'will I complain about her'. What are her feelings on this. Is she that type of person, or is she shy and would feel guilty if she complained about the teacher?
Additionally, the line 'who is the wisest student in class' could also teach us more about Marie. Why does she want to know who the wisest student is? Does she normally hang out with wise students and what relevance do they have in this situation with the teacher.
Great writing, enjoyed reading this piece
Marie is basically a mischievous girl. if you read the earlier chapters, you will understand. and friendship, teachers, break time- all are written in the next chapter. I hope I will be able to complete that chapter soon and once I complete it, I will post it here.
thanks for your worthy review.
Awesome, excited to see the next chapter
I have posted the next chapter. you can check it out. hey, can you pls suggest to me a name of that villain? I can't find any suitable name.
Perhaps Sophia? Hope this helps
Yes. A good name. Pls read the next chapter
Sure will do
Sure will do
Author's note:
I don't think the title I have given sounds good. i would be thankful if anyone can suggest me any suitable title