“Go out. Marie, go out I said… Why were you looking towards the window? What’s written there? Nothing. Then? I will not listen to you, go out.” retorted the villain.
“Ma’am I was…”
“Shut up! I will not listen to you. You are not supposed to look towards the window.” she retaliated before Marie could finish.
“Ma’am this is not right” countered Marie.
“What? Not right? Ok. go to the principal. Let me see what she can do. Why were you looking towards the back, is the blackboard present there?”
Not finding any answer to give, Marie stood still. She could see that villain’s footstep forwarding towards her. Just the moment she was ready to take her head up and protest, that villain came and dragged her outside the class. She couldn’t resist. This is about the everyday revenge that the villain takes on Marie since the day of the complaint.
While standing outside, Marie thought of several ideas to forfeit her but none worked. But, there is a good thing about it- when someone passed through the corridor, she talked with her- about how to kick that villain out of the school. Almost the whole school became fans of her since that incident. In his case, the problem was if the teacher,i.e. The villain saw them by any chance, they had to stand the whole day and that would pain them too much- even during the recess, they had to eat standing outside- no way to escape.
As this villain took revenge, why will Marie be excluded? One day Marie saw that villain correcting answer papers, the thing which the teachers are not allowed to do in school. Who will leave such a wonderful chance? Marie went to the principal, complained about it and it was followed by Miss Sophia, the villain getting a good lecture from the principal. From that day, Miss Sophia's rage has increased.
Today is a holiday. Generally, Marie remains busy playing with the dog in the garden but today, she has an important work to do - going to Cortez Karnas’s(the social science teacher) house. Marie has managed to take her by her side as she also wants Sophia to be forfeited. Marie has also invited all the students who hate Sophia.
The social science teacher started, “see. I have a plan. Ghost! I have heard she is quite afraid of ghosts…the action should be carried out tonight only”. She whispered the total plan to all. Marie didn’t like the plan, she wished to do something heroic but had to agree as she didn’t have any good plan inside her head.
“Ma’am, ma’am. Please consider my resignation letter. There is a ghost in this school. last night, I saw it in my eyes.” Sophia said to the principal gasping.
“What? Last night? First of all, why did you come here last night?”
“Ma’am… ma’am I think the ghost took me”
“Shut up! Ghost doesn’t exist. But… who took you here? That’s my question. Did you notice the face?”
“Face? Ma’am ghosts don't have a face. When I woke up, it was quite dark. I saw a figure standing in front of me warning me to leave the school. If I don’t follow her instructions… she will kill me.”
“Wait. Let me check the c.c.t.v cameras.”. When she found that the cameras were turned off, she probably surmised the matter.
Marie and her friends were gossiping about the matter of yesterday. what a prank they played!
one told, " did you notice her face when she saw the ghost?". all laughed. as soon as they heard footsteps, all were quiet.
The principal came up and went to class 5 and investigated each one’s face and behavior. She was quite right! She called, “Marie, come here.”
Marie came forward and replied, “Yes ma’am?”
“Why have you done this?”
Marie was quite frightened at this question. “W-what, ma’am? What h-have I done?” Marie asked, stammering.
“I thought you as a good student… but you did such a deed. Shame on you. Why you planned that ghost drama?”
“Ma’am I-I didn’t”
“Stop lying… your eyes say that you did it.”
“Ma’am our social science teacher did it…”
“How did you know that she did it? That means you were a part of it. You all will be suspended.”
“Ma’am please don’t do this otherwise…”
“I am strict with the discipline in my school. Now, if you tell me who were there in the group, the tenure of the suspension can be less or…”
“No no ma’am telling… Cortez ma’am, Marley… ”
“I see. You took students from other classes also.
“Ma’am please listen to me- why we did that…”
“Ok. tell. Last chance.”
“Ma’am she punishes us, scolds us without reason”
“Whatever it is, why did you did that drama? You could have told me”
“Ma’am actually we thought of doing something ourselves. That is why”
“Seriously. What an idea! And Mrs. Karnas supported you! Shame on you people!”
The principal entered the class. She took a chalk and wrote on the board,
The students were not that much frightened at the first sentence as they were in the second. She continued, “ the names I am telling will copy down this one. Marley, Zara…”. The shocking part was that names of students were called out who was not even concerned about the matter.
“Ma’am what have I done?” asked one of those puzzled students.
“Nothing!” Telling this, she went out of the class.
The next day. All the parents came reluctantly.
The principal started, “See. are you concerned about what your children have done?”
“No. we are not.” the reply came.
“Ok. let me tell you. your children did a drama. A real life ghost drama... Do you appreciate it?”
“No.”
“This suspension is for their betterment. I told you all the incidents. What do you think should be done to the teacher? I mean the maths teacher?”
“Should not be allowed in this school anymore.”
“Ok. as you wish.”
Though it was a matter of shame to all the students(the guardian call), some of them jumped up with joy. To Marie, the happiest thing was the Principal’s last statement, of course, but one more happy thing was seeing all the innocent and guiltless students getting scolded. This was because they were the only ones who laughed when Marie was reprimanded by Miss Sophia, the villain of that school.
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is a fun chapter here, you really get to see the consequences of everyone's actions coming into play in this chapter and I love that. This feels like a proper ending to the whole situation with the maths teacher.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm....well looks like the teacher hasn't really learnt any sort of lesson there despite the warning given by the principal earlier, that seems like wayy to harsh of a statement to be making to a student here.
Okayy...well, this is exactly what I was worried about in the previous chapter and here it's all happening in the worst way possible. The maths teacher is clearly singling our Marie and trying to indirectly punish her for daring to complain and even though it looks like Marie is doing what she can to look into ways to maybe get the maths teacher kicked out, its not really going all that well for the poor girl by the looks of things.
Okay...this is kind of random, its a nice scene to insert there..to show more reasons for this maths teacher to have a bit of a grudge against Marie, but also its a bit of a random thing to slide in here...it just doesn't fit with the flow of the rest of the story here.
Okay...well...this is an interesting little move here, it looks like all of the children are coming together with this other teacher to stage some kind of plan here to chase the other teacher away. Now I think the plot here is deviating from something more strong and heading a bit towards a different kind of tone here, where this is a bit like a cartoon of sorts..and I think I like that change, this could actually work as a bit of a children's book...especially if children and this teacher are going to plan some kind of crazy ghost based plan here to chase out this other teacher.
Oooh, looks like we're skipping right to the part where the ghost thing has actually ended up working here, this is a really fun place to transition right here, but I do think you need to show a tiny bit more clearly that this is a scene break here.
Hmm...well, this is interesting, how did the principal manage to come to a conclusion like that so fast...cause right now it looks like the moment she realized that the cameras were off she immediately realizes this is Marie's work.
Welll...this part I can believe, you can see that she's quite skilled as a principal there from how she can immediately judge their guilt from their faces..oh dear, now it looks like maybe this is going to end up being the bad news from what this chapter has in the title...with Ms Sophia leaving being the good news.
Well she ratted out the one who helped her kind of fast there, uh oh, now it looks like everyone that participated in the prank is going to get in trouble. I really do like how the principal is handling it here, she's clearly doing her best to be fair to everyone and that's not something that you see all that often in stories.
Well, this is an interesting detail of Marie's character, she really seems to be very scared of suspension or just not good enough friends with anyone else to try and protect them at all, that's an interesting character trait there for a protagonist to have.
Well...yeah this is only going to end up in disaster there, I love how the principal does maintain that standard of discipline throughout this whole situation. That makes her character be one of the best so far.
Well...this is going to be interesting, to see everyone's parents being called in...the principal is definitely going all out to ensure that everyone who participated in the ghost prank is going to be punished accordingly.
Hmm...well...that's an interesting detail to end on there...but hmm, I suppose Marie managed to get her revenge somewhat...once again a bit of a evil thing to do as a protagonist but it does fit with who Marie is like as a person.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a pretty satisfying chapter to read, but now seeing that there are still five more parts of this left, I am wondering what else could be left to happen in this story. Hmm...well I will find out soon enough I suppose.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Forever,
Mailice here with a short review!
Let's go straight on: I'm convinced that your dialogues are reasonably well constructed, and they remind me of a play; they are direct and dramatic. In some places you can see that very well, like here for example:
You build up a kind of "epic" with it, where the questions can answer themselves. I like that very much and it's more common in your writing. It can seem hectic, but it also reminds me a lot of those scenes from little funny sketches where someone exaggerates a lot.
Another thing I like is how you show how Marie has changed since the first chapter. I think it was essential to put her there like that, and show the reader what kind of character she has, so that you understand how there has been a change. It also has a good motive and is understandable for the reader.
As already mentioned, there are also sometimes these hectic moments where you give the answer quite quickly. It doesn't always have to be action-reaction, but you can also put in pauses that are between these two poles so that it's a kind of tension-building.
I just wonder what that question mark is about, what you find towards the end? Was that a picture?
I think the plot in general is well developed, and here too:
I really like the way you set up the English teacher by introducing her as a villain from day one. I think it's a very funny and also good way to show the distance between Marie and her nemesis like that. It also gives the reader a bit of a sense of understanding; I think everyone has a teacher they didn't like when they were at school. Because I thought this was very well constructed with the methods that you've presented here, and I also thought that this chapter had something there that wasn't directly seen before; a kind of "timeskip" where you more or less summarise what's happened and how this enmity between Marie and villain is growing.
Oh, is he related to Cortez Shivek?
In summary, there were some peaks and some valleys in the story, but the higher the peaks are, the closer they get to the valleys, eventually you have to create a plain.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
This chapter was the best till yet, according to me. Though I spotted some grammatical errors here too, if you could just read the story and look to it again. Other than that, this chapter built a good amount of tension and suspense, even better than the last one. Your story is progressing very well. Though it's just a suggestion, you should have shown that ghost drama, it would have been funny for me! But that is completely in your hands, as you are the author after all. I will read the next chapters in due time, don't worry. Keep writing!
thanks for your review.
Hi,
This is a very good chapter - your language, characterisation, dialogue and description is very good, however the interaction between Marie and Principal seems to be very long, and easy to get lost within - my suggestion would be is to focus on facial expression, setting or seeing as you write within third person show character's thoughts and feelings, to develop your immersive writing style (you definitely have potential to be an immersive writer - but just need to work on edits and refines to be able to accomplish your full potential that you show as a writer). But aside from that, it's a good chapter so well done
thanks
The ending left it on a very high note. What did the principal write on the board and who told the parents to come to the school?
Keep writing
thanks. you can check out the next chapter. I have posted it
Hey there! You suggested I write a review for you, so here I am!
The first thing I have to say is that I liked how the chapter opens with dialogue. I also like how the dialogue tells the story. It makes the plot progression seem more realistic and understandable.
I think that in the sentence, "In his case, the problem was if the teacher,i.e. The villain saw them by any chance, they had to stand the whole day and that would pain them too much- even during the recess, they had to eat standing outside- no way to escape." it seems a bit long. It might even be a run on. If I were to change it, I would write it as, "In his case, the problem was if the teacher, a true villain, saw them standing, they would be forced to stand the entirety of the day. The pain was excruciating. Even during recess, they would stand. There was no escape." But you don't have to change it, that's just how I would rewrite it.
I think that the sentence, "last night, I saw it in my eyes.” is a bit awkward, and would flow better if it was "Last night, I saw it with my own eyes!". Again, this is just a suggestion, so you don't have to change it
There are a few capitalization errors, and there could be some commas sprinkled in there. In some places I noticed that the story moves slower than other parts, and it's a bit confusing. You might want to pace it a little better. Try showing the reader what's happening, instead of outright saying it. But overall I think that the story is interesting and has potential. Can't wait to see how the meeting with the parents goes!
Hey, for some reason the last part of this chapter was not posted... I edited this chapter. Pls check out the last part
I love this so much! You were very descriptive! The only thing I would change is wording- and since that's all I have bad to say about it, that means...this is pretty great. It seems pretty interesting, and I could totally follow this storyline.
Talking about wording, I would just say adding a comma after Ma'am on the 3rd to the last line, and other simple errors would make it more smooth.
Again though, that's all I have to say about it, I love the writing, and the story is obviously very well thought out.
thanks. you can check out the previous chapters of it.
Hey, for some reason the last part of this chapter was not posted... I edited this chapter. Pls check out the last part
You have done really well with the detail in the dialogue and the dialogue that has been said.
Within the first line 'What's written there? Nothing.' Perhaps you could make it seem even more patronising and intimidating if the teacher answered the question for her:
'Why are you looking towards the window? What's written there?'
Before Marie could say anything the villain answered the question for her.
'Nothing? Then? I will not listen to you, go out'
Additionally, though retorted is a good word, it's usually applied when somebody replies to what somebody has said, and since there is no dialogue before that is mentioned, I think a word like bellowed would be more suitable. But that's just my opinion
I like the way that Marie had to struggle for a reason to report the teacher. Additionally, I like the way that you left it on a mysterious note, and shown the welcoming principal as also a stern teacher who cares about the discipline of her school which creates more depth to these characters.
What was also good was that you jumped from making up the plan and then to the teacher resigning. But perhaps first describe the scene so the audience is familiar with what is happening:
The next day, Marie and her friends are walking along the corridor, talking about Miss Sophia's reaction to the prank they pulled.
And maybe go on to describe what happened through speech and dialogue:
'Did you see the look on her face when that ghost appeared?'
This would help the reader to understand what happened and if their plan was successful.
Enjoyed reading this piece
yes. I couldn't understand what to write. thanks for the suggestion.is the chapter name suitable?
I think the title 'The good and the bad news' is more applicable to something devastating happening. Maybe you could have something that represents her shock as a character-'Crime and punishment?' Hope this helps
I am extremely new to this novel writing... I have never done courses, nor seen videos on how to write novels... can you pls help me? how long should be this novel? I just want your suggestion.pls
What is your main story? What moral will the reader have when they read this book? Perhaps, what might help, is writing a blurb. Write a summary on what you want it to be about, 5 sentences, maybe. The main story. This will build a very strong foundation and also helps in thinking about where you want this story to go to. Or write down a page of ideas. Also, the length of your novel depends on if you want it to be more of an observational piece, which would be shorter to get across a message, or a piece which is more about a story rather than a moral. I hope this helps. I'm always happy to help you if you ever want advice
Hey, for some reason the last part of this chapter was not posted... I edited this chapter. Pls check out the last part