Stranded

Hello there infinity! Dogs here with your review . First if I may say, congratulations for submitting your work into my poetry contest! As a side note, keep in mind that all of my comments are extreme nit picks because every single one of the poems submitted already have been top notch and excellent. Let's dive in now shall we?

"All my senses are numb/ Desperately searching for/ an exit out of the frozen dessert"

Of course, grammar is entirely optional in poetry and up to the reader, however I think it is entirely necessary for this piece. If you're writing with less grammar and that supports your poem somehow, you have to do it in such a way that it reads smoothly even without the grammar. In this case it just sounds a a tad bit choppy without the grammar. Try saying something like:

"All my senses are numb,/ desperately searching for/ an exit out of the frozen dessert,"

"Blinded by the misty view,"

Nice smooth use of "misty," here. I really like your imagery that you use describing the arctic wasteland. I think you do a really good with the visual aspect of it, but I think you should add in some more imagery about the sound and feel and numbness of it all. That'll just add some more depth to your writing.

"Slowly sinking while taking"

I like the imagery of this line, although it's a little ambiguous as to what you're referring to is sinking. I assume you mean your feet, but why not just say it? Total nit pick, but try saying: "Feet sinking slowly with"

I like your use of "hebrides," although minor detail but Hebrides should be capitalized. I did laugh at that comment though, good job putting some humor in your writing.

"My heart starts to palpitate,"

Great smooth use of "palpitate," well done there. The words you incorporate smoothly into your writing, which is an extremely important piece in this contest.

"Fears come undone as the silence"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but fears coming undone would mean your losing your fears. Unless you're trying to make a statement about how your character no longer feels fearful, in which case you'll need to make that clearer. Otherwise re word this sentence to say that he/she is fearful. Love the imagery of the silence becoming too loud though, nice job .

"No heat source to bask in so I violentely"

Quick notes, firstly "violentely" should be "violently." Secondly, why do you capitalize "No" when it isn't following a period or anything. You do this on and off throughout your poem, so just keep an eye on that.

"indication of civilisation"

This should be civilization, not "civilisation." Love the rest of that stanza, especially the wounded by my wanderlust. Such a great word, excellent vocab there. All and all it's a great piece and I enjoyed reading it. Certainly have more confidence in your writing because this is a great poem, definitely the best poem I've ever read by you. You just need to add in a tad bit more encompassing imagery and do some grammar/spelling check ups and you'll be raring to go. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Well the words you got are all pretty good except hebrides I have to look that one up!

I think the first thing I would advise for this point would be to add better punctuation. As it stands, I had trouble reading through the poem and knowing when a sentence stopped or continued. You did have some punctuation, but I felt like it could have used more. Then again, poetry can have punctuation in two ways: to mark breath stops, or to mark grammar like it would in prose. I'm big on doing both at the same time, because without proper grammatical markings I have so much trouble reading poetry, and unless your intent is wandering and confusing sentences, it's not useful to leave out the punctuation.

I liked this poem because there is so much power in the feelings, the cold, the chill - I felt like I was wandering alone on the ice as well. But I felt like it lacked a lot too. With all the sensations that the cold could give you - there wasn't a lot of sensation in the poem. Remember the body has five sense - taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell. Could you imagine how terrifying it is to walk across ice and hear it crack under your feet, wondering if you'll plunge through the ice now? For your nose to be so cold you can't smell anymore, and your eyes constantly watering, blurring your vision due to the stinging wind? There is so much you could do here.

And my last comment - this being more of a personal preference - I think it would be beautiful if the poem itself was a symbol, if being in the cold, alone, on the ice represented something large, something emotional in the speaker, rather than his actual physical state of being. But like I said, that's personal. I love symbolism.

I hope this review helped. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.