z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Unlucky

by darkangel_05


One day it's gonna be a train wreck
The next day it's more than a broken neck
Everyday you find yourself holding on
Just a little bit too tight

Is it the way you left your shoes untied?
Or the fact that you kicked that black cat
The other day on your way to your destination
Just a little bit too fast

And now, it's really coming back to you
It's gonna take revenge on you

CHORUS:
Don't be surprised if there is no one here to save you
You gotta learn now how to save yourself
Don't be surprised if there is no one here to like you
You gotta learn now how to knock on wood
Cause you're one unlucky guy

You play games but you never win them
Ever wondered why you always got the worst sets?
Everything seemed to have tricked you out
Just a little bit too wise

You pray for sunshine but storms come rushing
You look for answers but they're good at hiding
Everyday you find yourself tangled up
Just a little too crazy

And now, it's really coming back to you
It's gonna take revenge on you

CHORUS:
Don't be surprised if there is no one here to save you
You gotta learn now how to save yourself
Don't be surprised if there is no one here to like you
You gotta learn now how to knock on wood
Cause you're one unlucky guy

You're slowly losing your grip on reality
Be careful just try to keep your sanity
It's not the end of everything
You can do something, something about it

Don't be surprised if there is no one here to save you
You gotta learn now how to change yourself
Cause you're one unlucky guy

But you can do something, something yeah

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11 Reviews

Points: 516
Reviews: 11

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Tue Feb 12, 2013 11:04 pm
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InvertedClock wrote a review...



Wow. This was a really nice read. These are just one of those pieces that you read that you can definitely relate to. Or at least for me it is.

" Don't be surprised if there is no one here to save you
You gotta learn now how to save yourself"

"Don't be surprised if there is no one here to save you
You gotta learn now how to change yourself"


This quote reminds me of myself giving me pep-talks because i was so out of it at a certain period of time and i just needed someone to be there. Unfortunately, there was no one but someone how i managed to get myself through.

I always felt like the unlucky person. Then started to change my mind set and everything really started looking up for me. I guess you attract what you think about or you become what you think about. The mind really knows how to mess people up sometimes.

"One day it's gonna be a train wreck
The next day it's more than a broken neck"

The way you started the poem off really hooked me in. The rhyme and it actually making sense i guess is what hooked me. I dunno, i just liked it.

Anyhow, great write and well done.




darkangel_05 says...


Thank you for your comment! I appreciate it. I'm glad you said that you can relate to the song because one of my goals in songwriting is to make people relate to the lyrics. :D



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1274 Reviews

Points: 35774
Reviews: 1274

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Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:29 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi darkangel! Overall I really liked this. It had a good rhythm and a unique topic. Just some minor points:

The next day it's more than a broken neck


Um...wouldn't he be dead if he got more than a broken neck? Perhaps this should be "The next day it might be a broken neck".

The other day on your way to your destination
Just a little bit too fast


The first line seemed clunky. I'd replace "to your destination" with something shorter, like "to school" or "out the door". Also the last line seems to be referring to the cat, so it should be "a little bit too hard". Or maybe use a verb like running in the previous line so it's obvious that's what "fast" is referring to.

And now, it's really coming back to you
It's gonna take revenge on you


This works in the first verse, as he did something (kicked a cat) that could now get revenge. However, in the second verse it seems that things are happening to him (losing games, prayers unanswered). Perhaps this could be modified to reflect that?

Don't be surprised if there is no one here to save you
You gotta learn now how to change yourself


This struck me as odd. How does one go about changing unluckiness? It seems like a more appropriate idea here would be something like "make your own luck" or "work with what you have". You can probably express that in a less cheesy manner and it would make more sense.

Overall, this is a good song with some cool ideas, just a few things that need clearing up. Good job and keep writing! :)




darkangel_05 says...


Hey! Thanks for your review. Wow... I guess my use of metaphors are not that efficient yet. I appreciate your comment. :)




I was weeping as much for him as her; we do sometimes pity creatures that have none of the feeling either for themselves or others.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights