z

Young Writers Society



Desire

by unsocialbutterfly


Hey guys it's unsocialbutterfly writing with passion what she's too afraid to actually say haha. Like my poem? I've written other ones similar to it maybe you wanna go check 'em out hm? Anyways hope you like my poem :)

My head is snatched from the sea,
My body,
Thrown into the sky
When I look at you
My mind is absolutely silent,
In a good way
I'm consumed by you

Draw me close and don't let go
I want your high-
The one where all I see is you

My average ammount isn't covering it
I know what it's like to overdose
Kill me with your presence
Let's break through our fear

Quench the fire,
My burning desire for you

Do you see me
Dancing in the air
Like a large as life fairy


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 1155
Reviews: 58

Donate
Thu Feb 16, 2012 7:37 pm
misstoria wrote a review...



I adore this! The emotions are very real and raw and I love it! Again I think that you need to work on sentence structure, particularly adding periods and taking out capitalization in spots. Here is an example of what I'm talking about.


My head is snatched from the sea;
my body,
thrown into the sky.
When I look at you
my mind is absolutely silent,
in a good way.
I'm consumed by you. - i adore this line!

Keep Writing-Tori





That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo - and it's worth fighting for.
— Samwise Gamgee