“Wyatt?” Her voice rang through my ears, the notes and pitches becoming distorted as she tucked me in.
“Mommy?” Mom was here. I was talking to her. “Why did you go?” Why did she leave me? Tears fell down my face, but I was smiling.
“Honey, I never left.” She stroked my hair, humming.
“There was a fire…” I tried to speak but she shushed me.
“You were dead.” She shushed me again, twirling my short brown hair around her fingers. I sat up and hugged her, almost squeezing the life out of her.
“Momma’s here,” She stroked my hair and comforted me while I cried, her soft fingers running over my hair and my skin. And then I felt something grainy on the inside of my arm.
I pulled away slightly, it was sand. I brushed it off, but when I looked up, she was disintegrating. Her beautiful face was aging much too quickly, her vibrant skin was decaying and turning first white, and then gray and suddenly it was black before dissolving into sand. She was gone.
I woke up screaming.
“Wyatt! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Cora was at the side of my cot in an instant and other girls were stirring. A few woke up and looked blearily at me before turning over and going back to sleep. Whether this would be a topic of conversation in the morning or not, I wasn’t completely sure.
“I’m okay,” I whispered, “Bad dream.” Cora pursed her lips and went back to bed, but I could tell she wasn’t buying it. I tried to rub the dry, salty tears that had stuck to my cheeks but nothing worked. I checked my phone, it was 4:30 am. I had another half hour before we were technically allowed to leave the rec building. Rules were we had to be in our rooms from 11 pm to 5 am on weekends, 9 pm to 5 am on weeknights. There were no rules about lights out.
I laid there, trying not to envision the image of my mothers skull, the remnants of her body on my hands. The half an hour felt like hours, days even. The time just wouldn’t go fast enough. I needed to get up, get out. I needed to forget. And in this suffocating boarding school, I couldn’t do that. I wished Aunt Rose had let me stay. Then I could get up whenever I wanted.
4:50. 4:51. The clock on my phone seemed to go slower and slower, haunting me. Then eventually it was 4:59. I got out of bed then, the Dorm Advisors checked the time and waved me through.
The early morning air felt fresh and crisp on my sweaty body. I walked as fast as I could in boots and pajamas to the dorm, twisting my hair in my fingers as I went. I thought about what I wanted to do to keep myself occupied. I didn’t really feel like spending time with Cora or Timothy and I didn’t have any work to do. Why couldn’t Monday just come? I laughed with a touch of insanity in my voice. When was the last time I wanted it to be Monday?
Finally I reached the dorm. I wasn’t quite sure what to do that day, but I knew I wanted to shower. So I walked quietly up the stairs to the dorm room, the smell of mold permeating my nostrils. I knew the comforter was ruined and had called Aunt Rose to order new bedding. The smell of the mold reminded me of the dream, so I grabbed the first clothes I saw and my shower bag before hurrying down the hall to the communal showers. Nobody was up yet, not at this hour. I had the showers all to myself, so I went in the left door, the one with the larger shower stalls.
I left my folded clothes on the floor as well as my pajamas and towel before shutting the curtain of the stall. I wanted cold water, my body was already overly warm. The icy water felt nice on my skin and it gave me goosebumps, ruining my shave from the night before. I didn’t care. It was refreshing and woke me up.
I knew I’d been in there a while, but I heard the door to the showers creak open. I heard a giggle right outside my curtain. As I poked my head outside the thin fabric, I saw the door close following a flash of blonde. My clothes, my pajamas and my towel were gone. Even my robe was gone which had my phone.
I was naked. At around 6 am with no clothes whatsoever. Crap. Then I remembered what Cora told me on the first day. They had towels here.
It’s better than going completely buff
I exhaled and double checked to make sure I was alone. Then I looked around for a towel rack or any piece of fabric at all. I would’ve been grateful for a hanky at that point. Then, I saw it. All the way pushed back into the rows of showers were a few folded white towels. I ran across the tiled floor, almost tripping in the process, and wrapped one around my body. It was shorter, and it barely covered my behind, but it was better than walking through the dorm naked.
As I inched my way across the now wet floor, I thought about the streak of blonde I saw. I knew who it was. The only person who knew me at all who might play such a mean joke: Olivia. So I bit my lip and grabbed my shower bag, poking my head into the hallway of the dorm to make sure the coast was clear.
I inched out of the showers, dashing along the hall as quickly as I could. My dorm room seemed to have a shiny gold halo surrounding it and I checked behind me to make sure no one was here. There shouldn’t be, after all, since the girl’s rooms were all soaked. Then, of course, I slammed into something hard, solid, and definitely not a girl.
Thankfully, my towel stayed on, but barely.
“Are you okay?” I looked up to see a guy. Of all the luck in the world. He had dark brown hair that was spiked by his forehead slightly and tastefully. His glasses were slightly askew, but the thick black frames complimented the shape of his face. He was of average height and average build. Overall, just one of those faces you could swear you’d seen before.
“Well, some blonde stole my clothes and my phone and I just literally ran into a guy in the girl’s dorm at 6am on what’s supposed to be a totally empty floor wearing nothing but a towel. I’m great.” I could almost hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice, and the guy helped me up sheepishly.
“I’m sorry. That’s kinda funny because a blonde ran by me carrying clothes and looking through a phone telling me there was a girl who needed help up here. I tried to tell your Dorm Advisor that but she looked at me like I was psycho.” I walked to my dorm, conscious of the dripping water and my lack of clothing.
“Oh, I’m Ben, by the way.” I stopped outside of my door, trying not to freak.
“Listen Ben, I’m sure you’re a nice guy. And part of me wants to know why you were wandering campus at 6:30 am. the other part of me wants to put on some clothes and get my phone back as well. So if you don’t mind…” He stepped out of the way.
“I can help you get your clothes and your phone back. I saw where the girl went.” As he said this, I felt the slightest glimmer of hope. Exhaling, I turned to him.
“I’m still naked. Give me a minute.”
I shut the door in his face. I felt guilty for being rude, but what part about a naked girl wearing only a towel did he not understand? I rummaged through the chest at the foot of my bed, searching for a pair of jeans.
When I found the pair I was looking for, I quickly got dressed and threw on a cute, navy blue peasant blouse with white paisley print. I guess paying attention to my clothing helped me feel better, more down to Earth. After putting on a jacket and flats, I put on a little eyeliner and mascara for some flair, leaving my hair down and brushed out.
“Nice clothes,” Ben said, as I left the room. Then he rethought his choice of words, clapping a hand over his mouth and blushing bright red.
“It’s okay. Please just help me find that stupid blonde brat.”
______________________________________________________________________________
Ben led me down the hall to the stairwell and then to the third floor. he walked down towards the third floor showers, but stopped a few doors before hand.
“This is where I saw her running, after she told me you needed help. I’m not sure which room she went in but it looked like she was on the left side of the hallway.” He gestured to the side of the hall we were facing.
“What time is it?” After I asked this, he checked his watch
“6:45 am.” After hearing this, I banged on the door in front of me. Hard, with my fist. A brown haired girl answered the door, rubbing her eyes and trying to smooth down her mussed up hair.
“Whaddyawant?” Her voice was heavy with sleep. I peeked around her, seeing her roommate sitting up in bed. I moved to the door on the left of theirs. The red haired girl shut the door with a bang and I pounded on the frame of the next room’s entrance.
The girl who answered this door was short with black hair and cocoa colored skin. She was tired as well and shut the door in my face. I moved to the next door, pounding on it. This time, I heard giggling.
When the door didn’t open, I shoved, pushing hard. There were no locks on the doors allowed. For safety reasons. But I felt some resistance. So I shoved and threw my entire weight against the door until I heard a girl cry out and the door gave way.
There were 3 girls sitting in a circle, holding up my phone and looking through it.
“Give it to me now before I report you to the DA.” One girl was Olivia, dressed in pajamas just like me. She must’ve been going to take a shower when she stole my clothes and my phone. The other two had brown hair and were identical twins. I’d seen them around school, always flanking Olivia. One was wearing pink, the other blue.
The brunette wearing pink was the one with my phone and she surrendered it almost before I asked. I put my hands on my hips, trying to look as intimidating as I could even though Olivia wore a smirk on her face.
“Clothes too.” Olivia pointed out the window.
“They’re out there. We thought we’d ring in the holiday season with a little tree decorating.” Olivia flashed me a falsely sweet smile and I looked out the window. my robe, my pj bottoms, my jeans and my top along with two bra and panty ensembles were dangling from a tree for the whole world to see.
I ran out of the dorm, putting my phone in my pocket with hot tears rolling down my cheeks. Nobody was outside. Yet. It looked like they’d dropped my clothes onto the tree from the window, and as I looked up I could tell I wouldn’t be able to get them down. Either from the ground or from the tree.
By that time, people were beginning to walk around campus. It was around 7 am and the early birds and the joggers were out walking. They all had one thing in common, they all turned to stare at the clothes tree.
“Ben, what do I do?” I looked at him, my voice hysterical and desperate sounding. He raised his hands in front of him as if to say “Don’t look at me, I don’t have the answer.”
So, I shook the tree. A few of the lighter clothes items came off. A sock, some underwear and the silky blouse I had been planning on wearing. I frowned and kicked the tree before shaking it harder. The clothes just waved around like flags on the branches, mocking me with their button eyes and gaping mouths.
“What are you gonna do?” Ben’s question did nothing but irritate me.
“What am I gonna do?” I snapped at him and momentarily I felt bad, but the pulsing rage just came back stronger than before. “I’m gonna get my stupid clothes down, that’s what I’m gonna do.” I reached up and gripped the lowest branch of the tree, the bark scraping at my hands. I pushed my foot off of the tree trunk to give me the momentum I needed to swing my other leg over the branch.
I chuckled as I watched Ben’s eyes widen from below and lifted myself up. “What,” I called down, “Have you never seen a girl climb a tree before?” He smiled slightly in embarrassment, slightly in disbelief. I felt a ray of hope shoot through my body as I realized that I actually had a shot at this.
I hoisted myself up onto the next thick branch, reaching above my head to drop my robe to the ground. I moved around the tree trunk, stepping to the branches on the other side. The branch above me was too thin to sit on, so I shook it, loosing pj pants and jeans. I was finally done.
I gingerly stepped down, once again bracing my foot against the trunk. But on the lowest branch, I lost my grip and landed awkwardly on my ankle. It rolled beneath me and I sat down hard on my foot, my toes digging into my leg.
“Are you okay?” Ben ran towards me, kneeling and helping me stretch out. “Can you walk?” He put his arm around me while he helped me up and I winced at the new pressure on my foot.
“Yeah, I can walk. I don’t think it’s sprained or broken, I just rolled it.” At that moment, Timothy came walking out of the boys dorm.
“Hey Ben, hey Wyatt.” He walked past us without another thought. Then he backed up.
“Ben? Wyatt? And what’s with the clothes on the ground?” I giggled a little and the sheepish look on Ben’s face returned.
“It’s a long story. Let’s go get breakfast?” Apparently I have a good idea once in a while so we walked towards the rec hall, me with a slight limp. We explained the story and Timothy’s face went beet red as we opened the door to the rec hall, walking in to the cafeteria.
"So what are your plans, Wyatt?" Ben asked this and Timothy raised his eyebrows at me.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
End of chapter
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It's me again. Two more chapters to go, and your work shall be freed from the confines of the Green Room.
I have to say that this chapter was the strongest I've read so far. Wyatt's character is a lot more consistent in this one, and her reactions are a bit more believable.
I still think that she recovers from the embarrassment too quickly at the end though. She's spent most of the chapter embarrassed and humiliated to the point of tears, but as soon as she starts climbing the tree, all that embarrassment completely evaporates, never to be heard from again.
Then she laughs about it before telling Timothy. Even though she had been so embarrassed just a short time before by people passing by seeing her clothes in the tree.
We're not shown what it is that improves Wyatt's mood to the extent that her clothes in a tree goes from something intensely humiliating to something she can laugh about and talk about freely. What was that turning point? Was it her realizing how ridiculous the entire situation was? Was it how she succeeded in getting everything back, and that it counted as a victory against Olivia's efforts?
You need to show us why Wyatt's mood changed so abruptly. If you do, then she'll be much stronger and more relatable as a character.
Timmy here
Whenever I read through your pieces on here, I don't really have much at all to say. I mean, since you are writing this for NaNo and all, you aren't editing. At all. So it would only make sense that there are more errors on stuff and a comma missing here. That kind of stuff, you know? So I feel a little strange going through and hitting those points, because I know you see them and will edit them when NaNo is over. And I never spy any plot issues, really. You do such a good job in this novel. >.< I wish you would make it easier for me to review.
I really just thought that this scene, while it didn't really push the plot forward much, was a really enjoyable read and was just super funnyyyy. I laughed especially when she is creeping through the hall and stuff, and then when she bumps into that guy - Ben. Now that part was funny to read, and although it was a little bit *coughs* awkward for both Ben and Wyatt (although Ben didn't seem to really mind too much what she had on. Hmmmm), it was just enjoyable overall.
I think the clothing tree was super cool, and the climb (<--- insert song link theeere) was a good part to have in there. There was one thing I thought was missing during that part of the chapter, though, about this place--
Right here, I was expecting something from her being up so high. I have been up in trees. I climbed this one enormous willow with branches only a few inches in circumference - all the way to the top. And while I was climbing, I didn't get a nose bleed, but there was definitely a feeling of "oh, no. I am going to fall. I am going to fall". And the ever so carefulness of reaching across to the next branch, my foot slipping on the rough bark before grabbing hold. The dizziness from being up high (my sis gets a nosebleed on the second rung of a ladder. xD) would probably make Wyatt slow for a minute, clutching the branch to keep herself steady. Really, if she had a short moment where everything felt dizzy, or she looked down and her heart jumped in her mouth because she was high off the ground - everything would seem more realistic for that part of the scene. It isn't a big deal, but that entire part seemed... unlike your writing. Like you just went and nailed out the character's actions, and avoided any character feelings. I think you could work on that part just the teensiest bit. ^.^
I don't really see anything else that I saw that needs fixing throughout. I really think you have pinned down Wyatt's voice in this, and really, you did a wonderful job with this Ben. I am not sure I like him at all, but since I just met him, I will wait. ^.^ But you did a good job working with his character and showing us how he works. And I think it was only normal for Timothy to go red when told about that scene. He seems like that sort of guy, really.
I, um, don't have anything to add. Keep chugging along with NaNo. You'll get there.
~Darth Timmyjake
Wait. Did I miss a chapter??? I don't remember who Ben is? And what is this clothes tree? I must have missed something... I thought Wyatt, Timothy, and Cora went to watch Finding Nemo?
Sorry, accidentally only posted half of my chapter. I fixed it