All This Time: Chapter 1

by Gravity

Published January 28, 2014

In Stuff I would appreciate it if you wouldn't read

Part 1
Chapter 1
Annabel

Sophomore year at a new school. The best public school in North Carolina, Ridgeview Heights High. Here at RHH, the kids pretty much know each other. Ridgeview Heights is the kind of sleepy little town in the suburbs that is just far enough away from the city, and just far enough away from the country, although I do wish it were just a little farther away from the country. Some people here have accents that drive me nuts. I’m from Michigan, but I transferred here from the city in Charlotte.

I look at my schedule as I walk into the school. I have had a few first days at new schools, so I know the drill. Even though it’s everybody’s first day of school, there are only about 30 transfers this year. This school has about 2,000 students. The new kids here are a novelty, especially for a Sophomore transfer. The school counselor for each grade will show us around as if we are touring a museum. I dodge the counselors standing by the front of the office. I can find my own way around.

The first room I come to is the cafeteria. It’s wide open and in the center of the school. Branching off are a few hallways and the auditorium. People are milling about and greeting their friends, the time before school starts is clearly the social hour here. I noticed on my schedule that I have half an hour for lunch, no free periods and no study halls. That’s fine with me. The sooner I can get in and get out every day, the better. The people here have been friends with one another since they were tykes. I’m barging in on the harmonious social circles called high school.

I stroll into the hallway on my far left and notice a few weird glances. I need to get to upper F hall, and I need a little time to do it. The bell rings then, and I realized how utterly screwed I am. Great. Oh well, at least the rooms are fairly straightforward, the signs for halls are posted on every wall. Eventually, I make it to my homeroom after much squishing and squashing from the excited teens.

There are other Sophomores in the room. Just Sophomores. The homerooms are arranged in alphabetical order by grade. My last name is Anderson, so I’m with the Sophomores with last names starting with A. People stare at me as I walk in the room. Personally, I don’t think there’s anything that interesting about me. I run my fingers self consciously through my chin length mahogany brown hair. I’m not extremely tall and I’m not super pretty or super ugly. I’m not dressed funny, I wear red high top Chuck Taylor’s with black jeans and a red t-shirt. I take a seat, and tune in to the whispers. Do I have something on my face?

“...transfer student… moved… Florida….” I pick out a few words here and there.

“-Only Sophomore student-”

“Moved…”

“Casual… Not pimply…”

“Kinda pretty…”

“Kelly’s hotter than her, definitely.”

Okay so Kelly is hotter than me, whoever Kelly is. I guess they know I’m from Florida, and they’ve managed to deduce that I am in fact, pimple free. Okay. I can work with this. I feel a little more confident as we receive yet another copy of our schedules. This school can’t be all that bad.

The bell for first period rings and I slip into the hall with the other masses of students heading to their first class. I don’t get too many curious glances, most people are more focused on trying to push their way to their classes through the hall. My first class is history. Thankfully, it is in lower F hall. All I have to do is go down a flight of stairs.

Going down a flight of stairs should be easy enough, except it isn’t. I’m at the top of the stairs and I follow the crowd down about ten steps until the first landing. At this point, the crowd has thinned out. There are maybe twenty people in front of me and about fifty people behind me. The steps are fairly wide, and I have a clear path in front of me. Some guy from behind slams into my front. Down I go, sailing down ten stairs and landing on the ground with a thud.

Sharp pains go through my hands and my knees. Thankfully I land on my wrists, and not my head. Otherwise I probably would be knocked out or have a serious concussion. At least, that’s what the nurse tells me after Mr. Abernathy rushes me to her office. Although his hair is gray and he must be at least fifty years old, he’s swift. The nurse takes one look at me, gives me my diagnosis and bags of ice for my wrists. One wrist is twisted, the other is fine. I’ll live.

Just before she leaves, the nurse tells me her name is Mrs. Hamilton before she leaves to o to a meeting. That’s when I notice there is another boy in the office. The dude has an ice pack on his ankle. There is a black boot sitting next to him, as if he’s broken his leg. He turns to me and assesses my injuries.

“I fell down a flight of stairs.” I say. He nods as if this explains a lot. He is probably in my grade, he has light skin and dark, shaggy hair. The light glints off his glasses and his face is formed into a permanent scowl. He isn’t fat, but he isn’t as thin as some boys I’ve seen. The best word I can use for him is healthy looking. His frame is slightly short for a guy’s, and he wears the frame of his bones well. I nod at his ankle.

“What happened to you?” I ask. He gives me this blank stare and the scowl refuses to leave his face as he replies.

“Tendonitis.” One word answer. Short, sweet, and to the point. Looks like I’m just going to have to ask him multiple questions. I’m bored and he isn’t volunteering any information.

“What sport do you play?” I ask. He looks at me and furrows his brow as if he’s trying to figure me out. “Well,” I continue, “People typically get tendonitis from too much physical activity. What sport?” He blinks.

“Marching Band. It’s a sport, so don’t say that it’s not.” When he adds the last part, I can tell he expects me to contradict him. So he’s a band geek. That makes sense. I agree with him though, Marching Band is a sport. So I say so.

“Yeah I agree. It takes more skill to do Marching Band than it does to play Football.” He turns his head to look at me. I can tell I’ve said something he likes to hear, so I continue. “You know, all of the drilling and blocking as well as counting beats, staying in synch with everybody else, playing and handling your instrument while remembering the music. It takes a lot of work. Especially with those bulky hats.” His eyebrows shoot up.

“You in band?” He asks me.

“Nope,” I say. “I just moved here from Florida. I’m a Sophomore.” He nods.

“So you’re Annabel. I heard about you, you're the only Sophomore transfer. I’m in your grade. .” I lean against the wall behind us and cross my arms. We just sit there for a while. When our ice has turned mostly to liquid, I help the boy with dumping out his ice and getting his boot back on.

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Daniel. What class do you have next?” Everything Daniel says is pretty much flat and to the point. He doesn’t elaborate on much of anything, and I have a feeling his face sits in that scowl most of the time.

“History with Mr… White? With Mr. White.” I hand him my schedule and he chuckles and shakes his head. The tiny laugh contains no humor, only the sarcasm he probably uses often.

“That’s where I’m going now. Let’s walk.” We take passes from the nurse’s desk; she wrote them out to us before she left for the meeting. Daniel limps so we take our time getting back to class. We walk mostly in silence. He knows his way around the school better than me, so I trust him. I just kinda go with the flow and hope to god he isn’t a crazy person or a liar. After ten minutes we stop in G hall at a classroom. As we step in, I’m a little surprised at what I see.

Comments & reviews · 4
Inspiredravens wrote a review Review · Aug 11, 2014

Nice writing style of a sarcastic teen, it goes perfectly. There are only a few places that need a little help such as "Otherwise I probably would be knocked out or have a serious concussion. At least, that’s what the nurse tells me after Mr. Abernathy rushes me to her office." It needs a little more pause or a space or something because the change of scene isn't from the direct view of the character, it needs the extra description. The other area that has an issue or two is the conversation. You describe Daniel, but you fail to put that description of his behaviors before or after his words. Does he pause? Does he sigh, remain quiet, or lock eyes with her before or after he says something? And most of all, he is sitting there with a nice pack on, is he fidgeting, remaining as still and silent as a scarecrow? How does he move? What stereo type would you presume him to be in before he talked or looked at you? Anyways, these are just a few questions to help get those thoughts going. Your story is wonderful and I love the style!

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ash4ever15 Review
ash4ever15 wrote a review Review · Mar 27, 2014

very good i couldn't stop reading once i started. your very descriptive but not over bearing which is a major plus to your writing.as i read each word i fell into sync with annabel. your voice is outstanding the only thing i saw to critique was already said. i cant wait to follow your story and see where it takes me. good job.:)

ThereseCricket wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2014

Hey, Cricket here!

So there just one thing I did notice that I'm going to tell you about.

Some guy from behind slams into my front.


Now I'm not sure I got this right, but generally when someone's behind you, they don't slam into your front.

I just kinda go with the flow and hope to god he isn't a crazy person or a liar


You should either capitalize God or take it out entirely. People don't usually use the name God, unless they are in an emotional situation.

Daniel limps so we take our time getting back to class


There should be a comma after limps.

That's it for nitpicks!
You doing a very good job developing your characters!This is a great story so far!

thanks

KindlingDragonsFire wrote a review Review · Jan 28, 2014

Moose here for a review!

This is pretty good for a new chapter. Not much of an info dump, we're eased into it. Nice :)
Spelling and such are pretty good.

However, (There's always a however) I had just a few questions and nitpicks.

I’m from Michigan, but I transferred here from the city in Charlotte.


This is a little confusing. Where is Charlotte? There are many cities of this name in the United States, no doubt, and it could be anywhere. Then you mention Annabel is from Florida. Didn't you just say she was from Michigan? Did she move from Michigan to Florida? Charlotte, Florida? To North Carolina? That's a lot to keep track of, personally. I would just stick with two states, unless the story/plot requires all of these places.

Next, why do a lot of the students notice her? This is a high school, shouldn't there be at least a couple hundred students? How would they all know who she is and where she is from? Unless this is a small town where everyone knows just about everyone, this scenario is highly improbable.

Finally, (almost done) speaker tags!
When a character is speaking, and an action beat (expressions, thoughts, gestures) cut into the dialogue, their dialogue should end in a comma. For instance, when you write,

“I fell down a flight of stairs.” I say.


There should be a comma after 'stairs', instead of a period (weird, right?). Also, if an action beat cuts into a piece of dialogue, and the character keeps speaking, the next part of dialogue should be uncapitalised. i.e.

“Well,” I continue, “People typically get tendinitis from too much physical activity. What sport?”


'People' should be uncapitalised. That is all.

I really like this, with the character's personalities (Daniel and his deadpan personality is actually kind of refreshing), and the way it's progressing. Once again, I cannot wait to read more! Good work. :D

Cheers,
Moose

Sorry about the place confusion, Charlotte is in North Carolina and Annabelle moved from Florida to Charlotte to Ridgeview Heights

So did she move from Michigan to Florida to Charlotte, North Carolina?

nope, forget Michigan.



Who knew paper and ink could be so vicious.
— Kathryn Stockett, The Help