I take her hand and sit in the armchair beside her bed. "Hey Anna." I say. Her delicate eyelids flutter open. She takes in the sight of me. I watch as her eyes fill with tears, but it seems they are tears of happiness. She reminds me of my father when he was sick. My chest gets tight and I focus on her eyes and making my breath even. Her eyes make her look wise beyond her years, but they are still filled with the light that I associated with her. Her face crinkles into a smile and it's a welcome sight.
"Thank you." She says. I can tell she's trying to speak up, but her voice is only slightly more audible than a whisper. She's only nineteen and it kills me to see her this dead looking while she's still so young. I'm only a year older than she is.
"Anna, I'm sorry I wasn't there. It's all my fault, but I'm here now. And I'm not leaving. Not ever. Why didn't you tell me you had cancer?" I ask. I feel horrible. This girl is dying, and has been dying for two whole years. So why didn't she tell me until now?
"Daniel, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to have to watch me die. Just like your Dad. All I ever wanted was your happiness. I love you." My breath catches. There it is, that single emotion that I've never been able to return. I've never had feelings for a girl or for a guy. I never planned on getting married. I certainly don't love Annabelle in that way, but she's dying, and I want her to die happy. So I lie.
"I love you too, Anna." And I do. I love her as a friend. I hate leading her on like this, but I want her to be happy. She's in this horrible hospital room that smells of chemicals and death. She is sick, she's going to die. If this lie will make her happy, I'll go to hell for it if I must. She will be happy when she dies. She smiles again and tears run down her face. "You have no idea how long I've hoped to hear that. Say it again."
My heart jumps in my throat as I murmur, "I love you, Annabelle." I think I love her as much as I could possibly love anybody. She grins again. I lean down, breathless. I know Annabelle has kissed people, but I have not. I can hear her heart monitor beeping. It's getting faster. I press my lips against hers. I can feel her mouth move in response. I feel her tears touch my cheek. It's my first kiss, and it is the best first kiss in the world. I feel something, a tingling in my stomach. Just for a second. Then it's gone. Is that love? I don't know, but whatever it was, it's gone. I pull my lips from hers. Annabelle slowly moves her hand to caress my face. The heart monitor still beeps faster.
"Anna, your heart, you need to calm down..." She shakes her head.
"I would rather really live for five minutes, then lay here dying for another week." I understand what she's saying.I squeeze my eyes shut. And open them again. Then I lean down to kiss her once more. My kiss is more desperate this time, more frantic. She devours my love. She needs this. She's been waiting for me all this time. I feel horrible that I can't return her feelings in the capacity that she feels them. I take comfort in knowing that she's happy. The beeping of the heart monitor suddenly stops and is replaced with the haunting note, the continuous beep that will be stuck in my head forever.
I've seen enough episodes of ER to know what that means. Annabelle's lips in mid-kiss go slack. I pull away and see her eyes. They are closed, still relishing her final moments. Her body is now completely against her pillow. I don't remember crying as a child or as a teen, but I do now. Mrs. Valentino must've heard the monitor then, as she walks in and gives a strangled sob. Her father is dead, so Mr. Valentino isn't there. Neither of us call for help. That's not what Anna would've wanted. Her mom walks in and holds her hand while I kiss Anna's eyelids. I take her hands from her mother and kiss them as well before I arrange them in the position they were in when Annabelle was sleeping. Anna's mom sobs next to her, and tears streak down my face as well. Anna is dead, she's gone. There's nothing I can do.
Suddenly I remember something.
"Mrs. V, her necklace. Her cross necklace. Where is it?" Mrs. Valentino quickly gestures to the bedside table. I fasten the necklace around her neck. The necklace is pure white gold. It's a cross with vines wrapped around it, and a rose in the center, where the two beams would intersect. I, personally, am atheist. However, I know how important Annabelle's faith was to her. So I kiss the necklace as well. Then I leave.
It's 7:30 am, and the sun is rising. The colors paint across the sky the way Annabelle used to paint and draw on her sketchpad. It's fitting. I think that Annabelle will paint the sky every day in heaven. She'll paint the sunrises and sunsets, and she'll make them the most beautiful the world has ever seen. Anna will even paint the corruption of mankind and make that lovely. Regardless, if there is a heaven, Anna is there.
That's when it hits me. I've just thought about heaven. As if it actually exists.
Two Months Later
I'm at Annabelle's funeral, sitting in the very back pew. The funeral is being held in her church, the place where she was the happiest. Next to her casket is her sketchbook and art supplies with a photo of her and her sister together. They were close, although her sister is several years older than she was. I'm wearing my best suit and tie, and it's stifling. I know she loved me best when my hair was tousled and I was wearing casual clothes. I still owed it to her to dress up. I finger the wooden cross around my neck. After Annabelle died, I started going to her church. I recall feeling her in the air everywhere. From the praise band she was in, to the youth she mentored. She drew me in. I converted when she died, she made me think of heaven. Now I know it's an actual place.
Even though I can't take my life to be with Annabelle, I know she will wait for me. She waited for me for years and death can't overcome us. I still don't love her in the way that you love, although I feel as much emotion as I can for her. I will be honest with her after the years pass; when I am with her, and I can watch her paint the skies. I'll tell her how I lied, and she'll understand that I'm not capable of love. So she'll love me enough for the both of us.
Until then, I'll wait. Just as she waited for me, all this time.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Timmy here for a review!
This was an extremely emotional story, and if I wasn't a guy, I probably would have cried. I loved how she converted him from atheist, just by her dying. That sometimes happens for friends...
I will point out a few spot where I noticed a few errors now...
So I think I agree with Iggy about the whole kiss thing. I won't go into detail about it, because she stated what I thought about it very well.
So that sums up my nitpicks! It was a very emotional story and I just loved the part about heaven and everything!
~Timmyjake
Hey Gravity! John beat me again, so I'll do what I did last time.
)
It really was a pleasure to read.
I am definitely not too happy with the lying. Just because she's dying doesn't mean you should lie, Daniel! I, personally, would rather die knowing the truth then pleased by a lie.
I feel like the kiss was kind of... odd, especially for Daniel's character. You played him off as a guy who didn't love his friend, and then he gives her a friendly kiss that turns to more? Suddenly he has feelings? Kinda confused me, I'll admit. Can you really go from this to that at the drop of a hat? (Dr. Seuss rhyme
My biggest suggestion is you slow down! You blew by her death way too fast. Don't be afraid to add details; just don't drag out every single movement. Giving them a bit more dialogue wouldn't hurt, since it would be their last conversation ever. I just feel like you went from them kissing/making out to her dying in a paragraph and that makes me angry because you just killed Anna off like that. Give the girl some more limelight!
Overall, it was a nice piece with a melancholy ending. I'm still confused as to whether or not Daniel liked kissing her, but still, I feel empathy for him and I'm glad that he started to go to church. It shows that he had a strong connection with Anna and that she inspired him and motivated him to do something he once would have rather eaten acid than do. Nice job.
-Igs
Thanks Iggy, Daniel is confused as to whether or not he liked kissing her, so therefore you should be confuse as well in reality, Daniel feels something for her, he just doesn't know if it's love or a crush or what. So instead, he just finds contentment in that he loves her to the best of his ability. Daniel doesn't know if he can love. I'm sorry I didn't give Anna more limelight! I'm going to be doing a mass edit. I just didn't want to drag out too much because I was worried the story would get tedious to read. Thanks again for all the advice, it's really a big help!
Hello, my friend.
First, once again, I love your writing. I do not often read such truth, but you have placed it before my eyes. It is a welcome gift.
Second, some grammatical things:
To avoid the annoying comma splice, try this, "I've never had feelings for a girl, I've never had feelings for a guy, and I never planned on getting married." Just to help everything flow properly.
Another comma splice.
Beautiful, first of all. Simple and to the point. However, still a comma splice. In addition, although this is a stylistic suggestion, perhaps have the two sentences stand alone? It adds far more power and flow.
Other than that, your grammar is spot on. It was just small, small things.
Third, some stylistic suggestions:
Perhaps show the reader why she reminds Daniel of his father. It would add more drama to the piece and give Daniel a chance to think more. I do so love his thinking.
Remove the part about Daniel only being a year older than her or find a way to add it to the previous sentence, for the sake of flow. However, that is simply a suggestion.
This line just made my day. I know that has nothing to do with style. I just appreciate it.
I would combine these two lines, for the sake of flow. I know I speak of flow continuously. I am a musician and an actor, so I associate rhythm with every aspect of life. Writing included.
I would remove the "beeeeeeeeeep." It disrupted the drama of the scene at hand. Perhaps attempt to transfer that "beeeeeeeeeep" into other words.
This disrupted the drama, as well. However, these are only suggestions from my point of view.
In summary, there were only a few points where I felt that the flow and drama were disrupted. However, that is only my opinion. Your writing will be amazing with or without the changes.
Fourth, your characters.
I almost felt as though Daniel's change from annoyance to love was far too fast. I would slow down this chapter and allow him to step slowly into love. It seemed almost fantastical how fast his switch was. However, he did remain relatively true to the first chapters characteristics. So, there really isn't a major problem. Just a suggestion.
I simply love Daniel. He lies to her, which makes it so real to me. He did, of course, fall in love with her. That lie, however, made him one of the best short story characters I have read in a while.
Fifth, your plot.
I just believe that you could slow this down. Add drama. Add dialogue. Add emotion.
Overall, I was dissatisfied with the ending. Not to say I did not love this piece! I did. I loved this piece, your characters, and your writing. I just wanted everything not to be alright, and it was. To me. Opinions, opinions, opinions. Your story is fantastic. You might want to consider a novel... Please, keep me posted on anything else you write. I would love to read. Happy Writing!