Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
The sky was blue and the wind played with my hair, sweeping it out of my face and gently toying with the strands. It was one of those days. A day where the possibilities seemed not only endless, but tangible as well.
So there I was, laying back in the only slightly scratchy grass and letting the sunshine warm my cheeks. My eyes were closed and my limbs were splayed lazily across the ground. Then, of course, my mother had to spoil the mood, looming over me.
"I need you to mow the lawn," she signed this with her hands, moving her lips as well and I knew she was speaking. I couldn't hear it, but I could see it.
"Today?" I spoke as well, the vibrations reaching my ears to create a soft buzz. Other than that, my world was silent. Silent for everything but the movements of my hands.
"Yes," she signed, making a knocking motion with her hand, "Today." She gave me that no nonsense look and turned away from me, knowing I would be on my feet with the lawn mower running in minutes. I exhaled, not wanting to spoil this perfect day with noise I couldn't hear. But I ambled to the garage, digging for the lawn mower and eventually pulling it out.
I yanked the starter several times, jerking my arm
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Hmm....well this was quite a nice simple little story here, some nice imagery there at the start and a lot bit of unexpected emotion creeping in there at the end, well more details down below at any rate.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh...well this is a lovely image to start a story off with. Seems like a really nice piece of description there for the surroundings and then talking about possibilities and how they're almost tangible on that day really makes you think of only good things and starts to stories that make me think of good things are always considered good by me...xD...well...anyway a nice relaxing start to this one.
Oh dear...that's always a bit annoying...you're just trying to have a lazy lie in admiring the beauty of your surroundings but then someone comes looking for you to assign you a bunch of chores or just generally interrupt the peaceful time your trying to have. Very relatable situation this one. Hopefully it isn't chores..those definitely are the most annoying.
Hmm...well...this is interesting, looks like our protagonist here is deaf...hmm...that's interesting...also oh no...its the chores..at least she gets to remain in the lawn I guess...that's somewhat of a plus there.
Hmm...well this seems like a bit of a sad paragraph there...seeing her say that almost wistfully somehow...or maybe I'm just reading too much into that one there...she certainly seems to be doing just fine despite her disability there and no one seems to be treating her horribly for it either so that's always a great sign.
Uhh well...off to do the chores I suppose...she definitely appears to be a little annoyed as we would all be but she certainly seems like she's just about to go ahead and do things just like any other do so...pretty normalish ending to that story there..xD
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a pretty neat little story that you've got here. It definitely was quite interesting and just a nice read in general. Well, anyway, that's about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Let me start by saying I liked this a whole lot. I know how it feels to love someone you can't be with it's a terrible pain that you feel can only be fixed one way. However there are a few things that could probably be changed but are otherwise entirely up to the writer.
"So I'm alone. I went to the park before on my bike but some little kids came. I normally enjoy how carefree kids can be but all it did was mock me."
-The first sentence seems a tad bit irrelevant to me. Saying you're alone doesn't have anything to do with the kid mockin you at the park. Maybe try saying you went to the park alone instead.
"I just itch to press TALK so I can hear his voice. Even if it's just his voicemail."
-If it were me writing I would make this a complete sentence seperating it by a comma. It makes the thought flow more.
Read this about 5 times over and it's really good. I hope I could help out an I hope the situation get easier. Best wishes, Andy.
"Out of what I can remember, I've just feel lost."
-Here I would change "feel" to "felt". Or change it to: "I just feel lost."
Defyinggravity01, heya! Not new, are ya'?
Is your pic from Wicked?
Somewhere into the book, I saw an "its" that was supposed to be "it's". I couldn't copy and paste it, but I think you can proofread carefully and pick it out, since I'm only eight and you're fourteen. I trust you. This is a bit irrelevant, but do you need any donated points? I think you do.
A few paragraphs later, I noticed that you used "alone" way too much. Please, cut one out, just go to dictionary.com, click on thesaurus, and look up alone. See the synonyms, if there are any, and replace some of these alones with it.
"I'm alone. Completely alone."
"So I'm alone."
A little while later, you see the percent sign. The top part isn't a circle, it's a c.
"Out of my short lifespan so far, I remember about 75℅."
And I have really absolutely no idea what you meant here, tell me.
"Ten I met Ross."
The ending was a bit foggy: what was much worse? The whole thing overall was good, though, and I really liked it. I feel kind of bad for your friend, mixed with a hand-over-tea-and-hug-her feeling. Does your friend like huggies?
-wisegirl22