I still can't believe that you really have abandoned me.
You left me helpless and my heart, since then, remained empty.
You told me you love me but you easily gave up on us.
You said "Forever." and "Our love will never turn
to dust."
I've always believed that this was just a scary nightmare.
I'm denying everything for the pain's too much to bare.
I wished that in the morning I will forget about everything.
And with each other we still share the same beautiful feelings.
Days have passed and fury invaded my soul.
I have wondered how you and life could be so undeniably cruel.
Anger aroused within me and I wanted to hurt you, too.
But I know I can't do that because I know I still love you.
I wanted to find out if you'd still take me back.
But your heart remained cold and as hard as a rock.
Desperation took over but I don't want to look too obvious.
I reached for you many times but you still remained oblivious.
I got depressed to the extent that I wanted to commit suicide.
I am alive but have been lifeless for my soul had died.
I should forget our past, our dreams and our fond memories.
But before you say goodbye, can I have one last kiss?
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
Hello! I'm here to review for the Green Team, Mystery Machine.
Let me begin by saying how much I love that fourth line. It's just... I don't know how to describe it... it just works. Oh, and I think 'You told me you love me' needs to be fixed slightly. 'Love' should be 'loved', unless this is part of the poem.
Here it is again. Tenses. Though I'm getting the feeling that you've done this on purpose. If you haven't... 'will' should be 'would' and 'share' should be 'shared'.
Love this line, it perfectly expresses the pain of still loving someone, even if you know you shouldn't.
But 'your' heart remained cold and as hard as rock.
It's a sad poem, but beautifully written.
Hello, I'm Howl.
This is a good poem with just a few errors. In stanza 1 "You left me helpless and my heart, since then, remained empty." I think that you if you took out 'since then', it would make the line better, but that may just be me. Also "I wanted to find out if you'll still take me back." that 'you'd' would be better than 'you'll', because it seems to start off with past tense. Sorry if you didn't like any of my ideas.
Actually, your correction of my tenses were true. Thank you for that.
Yay! I'm helpful.
Hi, Tulip here to give you a review today on your poem [i]Our Goodbye[\i].
Okay, so it will be easier for me, I am just going to review stanza by stanza. I am on a tablet, so it is a bit harder to review it all at once.
[b]Stanza One[\b]
Your first stanza is well written. It contains to the emotion packed words that are needed to get a person to continue on reading. The third line is the one that stood out to me. That line had more of an impact than any other one there. Why give us so easy if you actually loved them.
[b]Stanza Two[\b]
The second stanza is so very heart breaking sad. [i]Empathy is so not my friend here...[\i] I think that after any break up with someone you truly loved you wish it was just a dream, and you would wake up. A dream that would serve to show how much they actually meant to you. The last line (I typed lime at first xD) is so beautiful.
[b]Stanza Three[\b]
Oh, the sadness and pain laces the words of this stanza. The feeling of wanting him speaks loudly through the words. I know that I have been like this to another person, though their desperation shined.
[b]Stanza Four[\b]
[Quote]I got depressed to the extent that I wanted to commit suicide.
I am alive but have been lifeless for my soul had died.[\Quote]
These two lines speak so loud to me. Why should we live if we have our hearts broken to the point we don't know how to survive.
The entire fourth stanza is week done, and the last line shows she wants him back, and wants to see if he will grant her this one wish.
Okay, overall I enjoyed reading your poem.it was well written.
Keep writing,
Tulip.
Thank you so much for understanding the depths behind my heart-breaking poem. It means so much for me to know that other people can relate to something like this.