I feel
ashamed
of all the nervous stutters,
of staring at you secretly,
of keeping your letters,
of wishing you were still with me.
--
I am
hurt
by all the wounding words
that almost cost me my sanity,
by insults sharper than swords
and because you have left me.
--
I feel
furious
because you're still happy,
because you didn't care,
because you have left me
and I knew it wasn't fair.
--
I am
confused
when you talk about the old us,
when you stare and smile so warmly,
that my touch could make you blush,
and you remember things about me.
--
I am just so
tired
of all the broken promises,
of all the sleepless nights,
of all the nostalgic places,
of all the pointless fights.
--
I am now
broken
by all these mixed feelings,
by all those wasted memories,
by false happy endings,
by this pathetic piece of poetry.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Aww that's sad. There's a typo up there where you use "caused" instead of cost. It's a bit repetitive. The last two verses don't match the rest of the poem which messes up the flow of it and gets in the way of the emotion you implement.
Like the idea. Like the structure. Like the emotion. Needs some work but good job overall.
Thanks for pointing that out. Didn't see it.
*Stares at screen*
*reads over and over*
*Turns of the lights, and then walks over to the corner and curl up in a ball*
*looks up tearfully*
Good job.
I'm sorry for making you cry. But thank you for giving me a compliment.
Absolutely
Wow! You have such a talent! You really brought the emotions to life. It's very beautiful. i can relate to this. So many emotions coming together.
Thank you.
Hi
I'm here to give you a review.
So first thing, this poem is beautifully written because its so simple. The emotions where brought out very clearly and I could easily relate to it (it made me cry I can relate to it so much)
Secondly I really really liked the structure. The fact that the stanza's focus on one particular emotion is great it gives it the right amount of attention it needs and also it gives time for the emotion to really sink in.
The last stanza is my favorite because its something that I do really often, the last line just really reflects all the pain and the distress you feel.
Can't really find anything that you can improve on because its really great.
Continue writing
~ RS
Wow, thanks a lot. ^^
This is really good! The way you clearly dedicated each stanza to an emotion worked well.
This isn't a fancy metaphorical piece of poetry, it's a simple one. But it's a good simple. I know what you're saying; I don't have to overanalyze. And yet it still is beautiful writing.
I also like the subtle rhymes that you've worked in. When I read it, it almost seems like they're accidental.
Overall, this is a well-blended, very pretty poem. You convey your emotions well.
I hope you feel better!!
Thank you, especially for wishing me well.