I miss whispers of "Good morning" and "I love you" when we meet.
I miss those caring arms that always guided me to my seat.
I miss mentioning our names and our future when I pray.
I miss your simple gestures in your most romantic ways.
I miss sneaking out just to see you in our secret place.
I miss your weirdest reasons that always seemed like a maze.
I miss your warm hands that have always assured my safety.
I miss your failed attempts to steal kisses from me.
I miss being serenaded by you when I'm mad.
I miss holding hands tightly with you when I'm sad.
I miss being scolded when I don't eat my meals.
I miss receiving hugs that protect me from my fears.
I miss our simple dates every nineteenth of the month.
I miss your sweet voice that calms me when I rant.
I miss sitting beside you, doing nothing for hours.
I miss closing my eyes just to be surprised with flowers.
I miss falling asleep on your warm, assuring shoulder.
I miss being laughed at even when I smolder.
I miss receiving sappy letters every single day.
I miss pretending to cry so I could make you stay.
I miss eating snacks together and talking at my house.
I miss answering sweet questions while we exchange our vows.
I miss laughing at your silliness while solving math equations.
I miss confiding everything about our family conditions.
I miss that guy who always slept late.
I miss my boyfriend who never makes me wait.
I miss the man who promised me a great future.
I miss that boy who loves to take my pictures.
You were that guy, my boyfriend, the man and that boy.
You are the one who brought me so much joy.
I miss you...the old you. Just, please, come back.
Brighten my world that have gone dark with black.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Hello! Wao! Now this poem of yours is simply awesome.I am in love with it.I could actually relate to the theme of the poem.It is really good.Thank you so very much for writing this poem and making me smile.
It is good but, I would like to make a few suggestions.I do not think that the "I miss" was actually necessary in every line.Though it helps create an impact and explains your feelings but, it is making the poem look like more of a cluster of sentences.Try to keep it a bit short.
I would also like to suggest you to use a bit more of rhyming words to make the poem sound a bit better.
You have very well defined your relationship with your boyfriend and it touched my heart.The last paragraph was just awesome. Keep it up and keep writing.....
Thank you.
your welcome...
wow!
that was really overwhelming. i am super impressed by you. this poem really touched my heart.
you know for a second i thought this was just my story that i am reading. all the pain, sorrow and grief was easy to make out. i also loved your rhyming scheme. it was super cool.
except for the last two lines.
"I miss you...the old you. Just, please, come back.
Brighten my world that have gone dark with black."
black and back don't rhyme much.
also in the last line i feel that instead of "have gone" it should have been "has gone"
there was one more thing that i felt got neglected were the punctuation marks. i mean you could have altered between commas and full stops.
rest all is cool
so
keep dreaming! keep writing!
Hey LyricalRebel! Nice name by the way! Super badass.
Anyway, to review your poem, I must confess the reason I was compelled to read your poem was because I too am missing someone and it's so incredibly easy to relate. That one my favorite thing about this work.. How real it was, how easy it was to put myself there. It's amazing how everything thinks what's happening to them is so unique, and no one can feel pain as sharp as they do, but simply seeing life through the eyes of this girl missing that guy really showcased that heartbreak we're all so prone to.
Aside from being relatable, I really liked the bold repetition of "I miss". I know I've seen attempts, emphasis on attempt, to do that sort of thing where it just comes out monotonous and bland, but you managed to make it one of your poem's greatest weapons against our fragile heart strings. It was powerful. The feels just.. Man the feels.
I always feel guilty with criticism in a review but it's just my opinion and you know I could be wrong. The thing that your poem lacked was the consistency. Like this is me being nit-picky, but in stanza two, maze and place don't rhyme and it just sounds a bit jarring because of how the poem began with a rhyming structure. I know poems obviously don't have to rhyme 24/7 but just the random rhymes throughout the entire thing just made the words that didn't rhyme appear a little out of place. To be honest I don't really know too much about poetry so maybe that's some arty thing and I'd never know.
Anyway really good poem! Defiantly keep at it!
~AlteringCreation
Hey, first of all, I appreciate that you noticed my screen name.
Next, thank you for the review. I know a lot of people can relate to this and that means a lot to me.
Lastly, don't feel bad for giving criticisms. It's what improves our writing after all.
Thank you for the review again.