I was fourteen when I first met you.
My first love and I knew this was true .
You are the sweetest guy I ever knew.
With you my skies are always blue .
I was your girl and that's a fact .
You and I, there's just no turning back
To my friends it came in quite a shock.
They said you have more secrets to unlock
You were my teenage love, my teenage
I still remember you and your name.
How you never failed to make me blush,
And how you treated me like trash .
I never noticed the truth before .
Beneath those stupid clothes you wore,
You are a jerk, a know-it-all punk.
You're always mad when you are drunk .
Everytime you do something to blame .
You say 'Sorry, it won't happen again.'
Yeah right, I've heard it a million times.
But your promises and deeds never rhyme .
You never looked nor cared at all,
Everytime my tears are tending to fall.
You are a coward, this ain't a lie .
You are afraid to say goodbye .
You are not used to being alone.
You always want a talk on the phone.
I never blamed you, I loved you too much.
By your simple words, my heart was touched.
But now it's time we part our ways.
I promise I'll miss you day by day .
You'll always have a place in my heart.
Please change: I know how much you're worth .
I can take you back no matter what.
Amidst my animosity, behind my wrath .
I'm still keeping you in this heart of mine.
No matter how many times you cross the line.
Call me stupid, tell me I'm dumb.
I know you don't like me, I'm not numb.
And these are the things I'd like you to realize .
And because of you, I definitely cried.
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139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Wow, this is a wonderful interpretation of first love. Its starts out so wonderful when the love begins, but becomes sad once it ends. I wish I could say that I can relate to this, but I can't XD. I have yet to have a first love, but even after this I'll admit I'm still looking forward to it
.
Anyways, I really loved this. The rhymes flowed beautifully and the entire thing was very emotional. My favorite line was...
"Everytime you do something to blame .
You say 'Sorry, it won't happen again.'
Yeah right, I've heard it a million times.
But your promises and deeds never rhyme."
Just great, I loved that
Overall, awesome work! Keep writing, you're good at it
I liked this uh....OH I FORGOT IT WAS A POEM! So I liked this poem. It sounded very sad, and.... I thought you would say bad things about him. While I was reading I noticed you were a girl. I thought that you would hate him after hearing sorry it won't happen again A MILLION TIMES! Did this really happen to you? Did you just make it up? I have an idea, and it is...in the poem, you could sort of tell what he looked like and stuff like that.
it happened..
Although he was like that, I never regretted loving him because he taught me that not everything is what it really seems.
This was a wonderful poem about your first love, It's everything you said it was, Lyrical, and Romantic. But it's also very sad or dramatic in a sense for the drama of your broken heart and the sadness and grief you felt inside of you. You have wonderful wording and did very well with grammar and spelling. I'm blown away by this work you have published and I hope you continue to write, it would bring me great pleasure. Sadly this is the first piece of literature I've seen from you and I wish I had seen your others. I hope you love to write because you have a real talent for it and I'm surprised that you did so well. This sight never ceases to amaze me with all the talented young people who are just like me. Keep writing, I'll be looking for some more work by you!
Hi lyricalrebel,so here is Dark to give review on your sweet-sad poem.
The theme of love is certainly a theme that is often chosen and easily grasped.It is also an expression of regret or sigh.But you make it different here,that makes it be something more original and fresh ideas.
#You were my teenage love, my teenage
I still remember you and your name.
How you never failed to make me blush,
And how you treated me like trash .-->'trash' doesn't not fit into this stanza.Actually,it ruined this poem.You should try another word that more poetic in simile so that it didn't look like a cliche.
Overall,you still have a good quality of poem here.You have a good diction and actually your poem is really impressed me.All I have to say here is that,this is a nice, well-written romance poem I ever read.Even though it wasn't a happy ending here.I really enjoyed reading your poem,so keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
The "trash" was actually meant to ruin the impact of the poem. Not everything that starts out with nice things comes out great in the end, too. That's why I did that.
I see,that makes sense ^^
Hey lyricalrebel, I'm so sorry.
It's such a sad and touching poem, and I can definitely relate. (Similar things did happen to me, but unfortunately, after four years of constant struggle, I still can't take my eyes off him. It's a long story, and I won't bore you with it here.) I really like how you divided the stanzas, so clearly conveying the emotions and conveying the story beautifully. There's some slant rhyme here, and it flows reasonably well.
There's some spaces before the periods? I think that's just the copying and paste formatting on the site. I think the whole thing stands well with the emotion, and perhaps, the only thing is the last line: I think you should take out the "And" and make it a statement.
Best of luck,
Starlinks