Young Writers Society

Hey there! Scarlet here, as you know It's review day.

Which means...time to review!

Nitpicking first, sorry!

- Now what bothered me the absolute most was the formatting and the lack of punctuation. It just drove me absolutely crazy, so tell you what. I'll attempt to fix it for you.

I'm black and blue

Yellow and orange too

I'm black and blue, yellow and orange too.

I'm everything

I'm ultramarine

I'm everything; I'm ultramarine.

Colour of love

The colour of love, bled on me all above and my heart is all red, pretty soon I'll be dead.

Hey there! I'm Lumi; let's jam.

First off, I'd probably stick this in poetry. I wouldn't exactly praise it as poetry, but I think it belongs all the same.

I have to ask a serious question in regards to this piece: what are you trying to get across? Your lines as a cohesive unit mean nothing. You force rhymes and bend phrases into nonsense, and line it up so thinly that nothing can breathe. There's no substance or forethought behind it. And so I ask: why?

Everything together reminds me quite a lot of Teenager's First Rap Attempt--where everything is made up and the words don't matter. All of that said, there's no critique to be made here as there's nothing salvageable.

Let me know if you have questions.

Lumi

Hello! Let's get reviewing!
As far as your comment, I am not a stranger to formatting problems on YWS. Someone taught me this helpful trick though: if you hit shift while hitting enter on YWS, it single spaces the enter and then for a double space, which makes a wonderful stanza break. If that doesn't make sense (I'm bad at explaining things) tell me and I'll try to explain again.
Onto the poem!
Shouldn't it be colours of love instead of colour?
"Bled on me all above" Do you mean the bled from above? It's a bit unclear.
"Before I snuff it and go/I'll die in the snow." Doesn't snuff it mean to die? Before you die you'll die? What do you mean by this?
I love the rhyme of ultramarine with ultra mean, that's cute.
I love the imagery about the winter angel colored like a rainbow.
Overall, I think this is a great poem with a few easily fixable confusing parts. Nice job.
-tgirly

This review courtesy of

Hello love! Aurora here for a quick review!

I like this poem. It's very interesting, to say the least. When I read the line that says, "I'm black and blue', I thought you meant bruised, emotionally or physically. It fits with the rest of the poem, (being bruised, I mean), but the yellow and the orange after it take away from it's meaning. I think it would help if you created a new verse for yellow and orange or deleted it completely.

Colour of love
You should consider adding a syllable to this line to make your poem flow better. Other wise, the rhythm of your poem is interrupted. .

Coloured all like a rainbow
The entire verse is pertaining to white, and this comes out of the blue. If that was how you wanted it, that's fine, but I think it would produce more of an effect if you kept the whit theme for that stanza.

I have no other critiques for you.
Keep writing, love. I look forward to reading more.
Aurora

Massive gaps = formatting issue