E - Everyone

Worship Of Me

Handles

Do not hold us

Glue

Is perishable in our hands

Knowledge

Alone will not save us

Worship of me

Will only make you worse

Comments & reviews · 4
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Hello, love. Aurora here with a quick review for you :).

Just a suggestion: your second and sixth lines end with 'us', and therefore rhyme. I think making maybe your fourth and eighth lines rhyme would be pretty cool :).

Also, I think you should have more of a 'natural progression of events'. You go from handles and glue to knowledge and worship. If you're going to use everyday object, stick with that.

Also, you have 1 word in your 1st, 3rd, and 5th lines. In your seventh line, you have three. You don't need the 'of me', so get rid of it!

Awesome poem that a lot of people can relate to. Very bitter. I like.

Keep writing, love.
Aurora

User avatar
RoyalHighness
Review

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Alrighty, no grammar or spelling nitpicks! Good job already.
Every line feels like it was beautifully crafted, like good handmade Italian leather journals or something.
Alright, let's start the review for realsies.

Content

Spoiler
Glue

Is perishable in our hands

I don't get this line... Does it mean glue, being something normally so reliable, isn't as reliable as we think? Cause that's the vibe I got from that.
I 4000000000000000000% relate to the last two lines. Amazing. Fantastic.
Because this was so short, this review will be so short. Hopefully someone who knows more about poetry than I do will come along and actually help you.


Conclusion
Spoiler
So this was fabulous! If I had to change anything, I'd actually probably add another line or two. Overall, I'll give your poem a solid eight stars out of ten! Great job!



Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe.
— John Milton (Poet)