Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
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128,980 Literary Works • 671,501 Reviews
HEY THIS CHAPTER! Hello! I'm here for both "Adopt a novel" and a Review day review!
again this shit.
Everyone deserves to be happy, why wouldn't Robert too, being gay or not?
So, it turns out I was right about most of the things, huh? I swear, I didn't read this beautiful chapter up until now. POINT FOR ME! I feel so cool now. But I believe, all the promps should go to you, for the way you write, it made it possible for reader to reconsider what was actually happening.
Well the one thing I got wrong were the wings from his dream. Now I see it's such a beautiful, plain metaphor. I kinda mistook it for him overestimating him, seeing himself as some kinda savior, since of his pride.
And he finally realised the way he saw the world was wrong? And IT IS due to his hidden sexuality, right. I hope his family relations will get better now though. It was so sad seing them thorn that way. I wish all the best to Keith, really.
There. I said it. I love Stephen. Happy?
I actually was happy!
Though I had suspected he would try to commit suicide. I hope it doesn't end that way. At least his reasoning behind the suicide is... ridiculous.
Your style in this chapter was somewhat different. Well, you had a lot of things to explain and you just had to pile it all in here, I understand. While it's stylishly somewhat worse than your previous chapters, I liked it and enjoyed the explanations very much, so there is nothing to be changed, right?
On to the last few, see ya there!
-Alchemist
I should review this just because it's amazing and I didn't review any of your chapters and also because I have an exam in the morning and I just need another excuse to procrastinate because I just do.
Annoys the crap out of me which if you intend t have it annoy the crap out of people in helping portray him as the idiot he is then GREAT job however if you didn't want this to make him seem annoying this IS annoying because he does not have OCD just because he doesn't step on cracks. Ah I am so sick of teenagers being obsessed in having OCD so this is a very good way to get grinding on your readers gears.Anyway, as I recall this chapter was that specific one with a recap that I initially did not like as much as the others; going back and reading it for a second time I have some clearer comments for you.
1. The beginning.
First off, I THINK you did this on purpose, infact you most likely certainly did this on purpose but:
I think you should writing thirty rather than the numeral.
Anyway, the beginning of this chapter, I did particularly like, I don't really have any problems with it in the first place which moves us onto the middle, the part I didn't like so much.
You have a massive bulk paragraph explaining a hallucination and I sort of get lost a bit. I feel like you spend too much time on this in comparison to everything else. By this stage we have sort of got Elijah a bit fuzzy in our heads since it's been so long since we read about him but if I recall he is the fighting midget?
Nearing the end, I don't get this reference Is it British? If so I mean no problem with it, just wondering.
Okay the main part I got a bit frustrated at was this sudden decision to kill himself with no justification and completely out of the blue. This whole chapter you haven't thoroughly implied that he sees this all as a bad thing then suddenly he wants to kill himself. Beginning with this: Why? It's not justified, you just throw it in there. Why does he think that because Stephen clearly isn't thinking like that.
Anyway... I should be studying AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Hmmm.
Firstly: I am loving your novel.
Secondly: this chapter kind of makes me hate Robert! Lulz. Not only because he is arrogant, presumptuous and talks about himself all the time, but also because I kind of agree with what he is saying, in terms of explaining his motives and what has happened throughout the rest of the novel.
This bit made me laugh - and you know why, but also because I can relate to how Robert is feeling.
I also like the fact that you are making this closer to home: '“Edmund County’s Fairies”' I wonder where the inspiration for this name came from?
It makes me think that part of Robert is based on yourself. O.O
But that's cool because it would be easier for you to write in understanding his perspective.
Major criticism of this piece though... is that it doesn't contain flashback dialogue. Like... I know this is a monologue but at the same time, you kind of need more previous character interaction to make this gel.
Anyways...
WRITE MORE!
Spoiler