Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello! I'm here for both "Adopt a novel" and a Review day review!
(this is a copy pasted introduction, right.)
Hey, this isn't a good thing to start a review with, but did Robert just call somebody else a judgemental? Lol. Ha, it is so like him. Though, he did call someone egoistic before and acknowledge how big his ego is, so this WAS a bit strange.
So, Katie is a little bit dumb, yeah, but the way he acknowledges it is... lame. No, doesn't work for someone who sees himself as a this generation's prodigy. How can't he see that?
There was a line which just made me realise how he doesn't have any idea of his shallowness. Well, no idea if it's planned, but let me clear that out.
"I tried punching him in the balls but there was nothing there."
At first I thought he made this comment to get on Katie's lvl. After a few seconds, I realized he would prolly narrate if it was that way, which made me think this is him, real him. Well, not sure which effect you wanted.
Yeah, I knew it, this chapter is in between the sessions. This is just what I was talking about, he is working on his emotions, even if it is hte sexual preference alone. Gj, Dr. Greenway.
Oh, Katie is nympho? Not that significant, interesting one though.
"I am normal again. Hooray." Not sure if hes actually happy about it, eh?
Also, there is this paragraph where hes overrating himself so much. He is genius, irresitible, heh? The one he talks about how he is a 'flame to the moths'. Oh, Robbie how wrong you are.
-Alchemist
YO!
So that's a great start.Firstly, love the title for this chapter. hee hee. XD
Opening with the lines you do, not only builds character, but reminds the reader exactly the type of person Robert is.
I feel as though the action is this chapter is bringing us closer to the climax of the novel?
'Besides, this has reassured me that my thing with Stephen means nothing. It was simply a phase of confusion, and now I am no longer confused. I expect the hallucinations to stop and they will. I am normal again. Hooray. '
Also, it reveals Robert's confusion really well : 'She hugs me. Wait, what? Not only is Katie Baxter a scientifically justifiable slut, but she also wants affection from me? Maybe Tony is not such a lanky retard after all. '
And you are doing a fantastic job of keeping the reader in a state of suspense and mystique about what is ultimately going to happen to Robert.
Bravo
-hugs-
'Ello, back again. Once more, just going to treat this as a solo piece for the time being.
'Do not' seems a bit too formal. We, as human beings, are a lazy bunch and therefore are more favorable to over abusing contractions.Nice start to the chapter with some sarcasm. I actually think it's fine without the exclamation point, because it seems to fit his character more. But that's just me.
Holy crap. Now I know why this is rated 18+. xD I respect this character for his bluntness. ^_^b
Instead of using an interrupting hyphen (refer to previous post of properly doing so), use as colon, since this is a conclusion to the previous statement. Also, split this fragment from what follows it and add an 'a' at the beginning.
Lol. This part was great. Not just for her messing up his name and not caring, but for him just nonchalantly correcting her and then the way he described her giggle. xD
But social convention, intelligence doesn't imply sexual prowess. I'm assuming this is sarcasm, but it would be nice if you could clarify this.
Gonna have to stop here. Another great chapter. Hope this was helpful. Fahrvergnugen!
Hey Adam ^^
By the sarcasm this line holds, I suggest ending this with an exclamation mark instead of a simple period.
"Do not" doesn't suit your style of writing. Try "don't" instead.
You don't need a comma after "So".
Okay, so hold on. Katie is a nymphomaniac and takes pills to prevent it, yet they do the opposite and increase her sex drive? Color me confused. That doesn't make sense, unless she wasn't really diagnosed with nymphomania and is using it as an excuse. >_>
Moving on! I like your little pattern of starting to mention Robert's relationship with Stephen and then he cuts of with something around the lines of, "Where was I?" It's a rather cute pattern and it shows me that no matter what he does, he can never escape his true feeeeeelings for Steephen! *teases Robert*
This chapter makes me so disappointed in Robert, not gonna lie xD He's willing to, er how did you say it?, "shag" a bimbo. Disappointment galore. He can do better. But this shows me his ever-building confusion with his sexuality and how he's scared to accept the fact that he might have feelings for Stephen, so he's burying them down by having meaningless sex with a girl. He's trying to convince himself that he's straight. I wonder when he'll finally discover who he truly is.
Overall, this is getting good. Here's to hoping he finds better than Katie. :') Lanky retard. I've got a word for people like her. <_<
~Iggy