Conform

Hello! I'm here at last for your review!

I thought this was interesting. I like the message and the tone of it. I just felt, even though you were using repeats as your main device here, that you repeated a bit too much. The rhymes were also kind of forced. I felt like this would work better with out all that structure. You have some neat lines that arose from your forced rhymes, but because they rhyme, it reads like you weren't really thinking of that line before you were thinking of the rhyme.

I really liked the story. I think you told it elegantly and simply, and it really struck home. I think it wouldn't be too bad if you put quotation marks over where he was speaking, for clarity reasons. For example, the second to last stanza starts in present tense when the rest of the poem is in past. I was confused at first because I didn't know he was speaking.

If I were you, I would take a look at this and think "is this here just for this to rhyme? Is that why I wrote this line?" and if it it's not, "will this read as if that was why I wrote it?"

Also, read this out loud. See if that helps.

Great job! Keep writing!
~fortis

I did a little review for you:

This is a nice poem about resisting social norm and being who you wish to be. I found that the repetition and steady beat reminded me of a marching band or army, which would be a challenge for the individual to oppose.
Perhaps think about that line katngo73 pointed out:

"...he cannot but conform." It confused me a little.

None the less, it gives me that little bit of of strength to resist conforming to things I don't wish to do. Good work on the language, keep writing!

Hi , rikki for a short review of your poetic piece.

This is quite a long composition and throws light on conformity to standard rules and regulations laid out by society and superiors. It elucidates the conformity to such mandates by force. The poem looks nice as it seeks reasons for such and also explains such things side by side.


These are some of my favourite lines:-

" But why, they ask

won’t he concede,

why is he so deformed?

Why not fulfill

their perfect scheme?

He simply won't conform. "

And typically loved this one.

" So force and force

and force and force

and force and force some more.

Force and force

keep on forcing,

I still will not conform. "

These lines expresses strong determination and subtle stubbornness.


Anyways, keep writing.

All the very best.

Love this poem! I've always loved the idea of never following society's rules. Even the path set out by our parents, grandparents, cousins, friends, anyone - all of them shouldn't restrict us from being ourselves!
There was only one problem with this poem.
"he cannot but conform."
In this line, you're basically saying that he can't do anything but conform. A minor mistake, of course. People do tend to get mixed up with their words.
I believe you might have meant something along the lines of
"he cannot just conform."
Or something like that. But by using a "but", you're suggesting an exception. He cannot do it, except to conform. And since this poem is about not conforming, I believe that's a problem with words there.
Keep writing!
<3