For Wondrous Wretched Lover
Radiant and gold as a lioness —
a huntress —
a monster compelled by
a vicious game of hearts —
Prowl my life
until bleeding wounded. Your claws
scathing
unretracted. Wretched scars
paint my heart.
Your fur
your deceptive quality,
is the warm shelter
of amity.
It draws me, as two magnets would attract
while your clever mouth
speaks insidious
frothy sap
and loving words: perplex my thoughts.
Paw to chest
push me away
you flip the magnet on its end.
Then having wounded
you come skulking back
two outstretched arms invite
as you open up to me
only to repeat.
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
This poem is beautifully crafted and very well written, I love all of the imagery you used, it really makes me think about how badly people are treated in relationships and how it affects them. I especially love your ending, 'two outstretched arms invite
as you open up to me
only to repeat.
It really allows my mind to conclude the story you told.
I also love 'Your fur
Your deceptive quality
Is the warm shelter
of amity.'
It's so beautiful and kind of has opposing connotations, which is why I loved the fact that you also mentioned a magnet in your poem - it kind of pulls it all together.
However, I think you need to work on how you structured it a little. The way you have positioned your lines, although symbolic, is also highly complicated and more complex for the eye to read. I know some people like to do this with their lines but for this piece it wasn't necessary. It's beautiful just the way it is.
Apart from that I loved the poem, it was amazing. Please keep writing new material, I can't wait to read it and feel free to look at some of my work sometime!
priceofwords
I really love your poem, I love the words and what it is about. The words themselves flow together quite well, they compliant each other.
The format, on the other hand, it makes it kind of uneasy. It made my eyes jump in weird ways, and it distracts from the beauty in your words. Try centering the text or putting it on the left or right. Poetry is more about the words!
Other than that I think everything is good!
Keep up the good work!
- Phoenix
What can I say? This is just fantastic overall. I loved your emotion that you put into this piece. This is beyond amazing. The words were so used in a good way. Excellent job on the vocabulary words. I loved the "frothy sap" part. I can tell you are a really great poet/writer. You must keep writing so I can read more works from you. Overall, great job. Keep it up and keep being awesome!