This poem has gone through some changes. I still feel more can be done so I am turning to you all for advice! Hope you enjoy! All Sundays I was woken rather dragged out from my bed, and told I should get ready for enlightenment ahead. A suit for me, a dress for her, a book in all our hands. We’ll go as one, together as we partake in His great plan. Into our car collectively, our neighbors do the same we brave whatever weather wretched Satan sends our way. We sit within our normal pew the same zealots all around us. The bishop rises, hymns begin, The indoctrination goes thus: “Bring your trials --- tribulations, bring your hopes and your desires. Bring your questions to find answers, for He is the great supplier. We will sit here all as one -- our families and theirs. We’ll sing songs of God’s one son, and we will offer up our prayers. Sacraments we’ll call them -- partaken symbols of a man, who died so long ago so that we’d fulfill His plan. And then we’ll get together in smaller groups we will discuss the meaning for this life of ours why we aren’t just simply dust. And then we’ll all go home and we will ask you to remember -- that feeling you just felt inside -- remember it forever.” As the time began to pass I knew I didn’t fit the plan; That God had once set out for me and I could not understand. I liked so many things that would send me straight to hell but in them -- I saw no evil still I tried to never dwell. But all my friends and family would speak of every day was the atrocities of people who on a later date would pay. For what evil are they paying Oh god, why won’t you answer? What harm is there in who we are? Where is your loving candor? These people look at my tattoos, with condescension on their face. They act like I’m not worthy to be of the human race. “Your hair’s too long, your clothes too tight, to mark you a true man.” Not once will they consider, that I’m only who I am. “Earrings are for girls,” they’d say, “Short hair is for the men. Guys and girls together, yes to that we’ll say a-men.” They have an answer for each thing in life the good -- the bad -- the just -- they say my morals are as nothing for: they come not from above. “But morals must be changeable your platonic universe is not! The morals of your beloved gods should cease to e’er be sought. I know to you it is not natural -- your God makes no mistakes. He would never miss the gender that the sperm and egg create. You say gender is the marker that is given at our birth, what genitalia is present is the mark of our true worth. The body we could not control seeks now to govern us. It has wounded me so deeply far beneath the surface. Do you think you can relate? To the questioning each day? To the looking in the mirror with hate for what’s displayed? Can you imagine spending every day a voice inside your head? Telling you what’s right and wrong and how you mustn’t tread? Acting all your life as though you’re someone you are not, while all the girls demonstrate the life you’ve always sought?” I try to ask them kindly, why they hate all those like me. “We love you all!” they ensure, “We have no enemies!” But comment boards and Facebook and Twitter all resolve: the sentiments they’ve fed me are not the truth at all. All Sunday’s now, I stay in bed what happened to my friends? I cannot say too surely -- but, it seems of me they’ve now been cleansed. Of those who still remain within my friendship circle, I cannot be myself with them so I'll present now my rehearsal.
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Hello, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, and it makes me sad that you felt that way. But here is what I will say:
The mistakes here are the flaws of man, not of God. The religion is correct, the people are sometimes corrupt. Aren't we all?
According to the Bible in Romans 2,
"1 Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou ajudgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
2 But we aare sure that the bjudgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things.
3 And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God?"
What this is trying to say is that men are not to judge. We are to ask for forgiveness of our sins, and then forgive others.
Again, according to Doctrine and Covenants 65:10
"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men"
True Latter Day Saints have charity which is the love of Christ. The better way to look when you see someone doing what you think is wrong is not to hate, not to have pride, but rather want what is best for them, and pity them, and have their best interests at mind, keep in mind that what we want is not always what is best for us.
According to 2nd Peter 3:9
"9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."
The Lord wants what is best for us, he would that no man die but rather have eternal life, and his hand is outstretched always for those who sin (All of us) to repent. As the Lord has forgiven us, we must remember his mercy and have mercy on others. Please reconsider this, as the was it was described, these people were not actually thinking the way the scriptures want us to think. I hope and believe that your family really does love them. Please give the Latter Day Saint Church another church. You can do whatever you want, but please remember how wonderful the Lord has been.
This presents a very great theological stance for a poem and vaguely speaks for just a lot of advocacies clamoring out there. The poem's openness for either genders, the freedom you projected as a writer (going beyond rhymes and all) and the point you've reached out to the readers all coalesced onto an outstanding piece.
Hey! Cello here for a quick review!
Loved this poem! I'm horrible when it comes to praising (I can't put my appreciation into words) so I'm going to jump straight into editing.
A lot of the argument/statements for equality go along the line of 'everyone is human' or 'not [insert minority]- human' so maybe try something like 'They act like I'm not worthy, like I'm not a human equal to themselves' You were using a similar approach but you were kind of dodging the line. (Poor wording on my part, sorry) I hope you get what I'm saying though.
Okay, a bit confused here. (I'm fried from school so I might sound completely stupid) 'so I present you my rehearsal.' Are you talking to the reader or the social circle? Maybe you're talking to yourself. I'm just kind of- eh, not sure. If you're talking to the reader, it sounds like the whole poem is the rehearsal and I don't think that's what they're going for. If you're talking to the reader say 'I present you my rehearsed behavior' or something. If it's to the social group, day 'I present to them my rehearsal'. If you're talking to yourself, I don't know what to say.
(On a mobile now)
okay so im like really lacking when it comes yo knowledge of religion if anybody tries to use the bible or scripts against you then you can say 'there is no... Male or female' thats a quote from the bible somewhere and is one of the only things i know about my own religion but its simple way to say gender doesnt matter
Keep up the good work!
-chocolatecello
For anyone who hasn't caught on:
That the change in the gender of the narrator is intentional.
(OP, saw your post in the club XD)
Hi HostofHorus *waves* I am here to just give you my thoughts on the poem which I loved by the way! I love how you showed the beginning of the narrators life and how they eventually drifted farther and farther from it.
I do have some suggestions though. For starters the description of the speaker says
So right here I thought the narrator is a boy but in the description you say that the narrator is a girl. It's nothing major, I write from the opposite gender at times but you should probably mention that in the description that the speaker is a man.
Another thing is that the rhyme scheme is a little off. Sometimes the lines are
rhyme
rhyme
then they are
rhyme
don't rhyme
rhyme
and sometime they don't rhyme at all.
Anyway yeah I really loved the poem! I can't wait to read more from you!
-Brunette
I'm confused because it says just a girl from a mormon culture. It then talks about a boy in the mormon church. Also I think you should change the title. Make the title mean something. I liked your poem, I liked the length and appreciated the honesty. I'm very sorry you had a horrible experience with the church. The world is a confusing place, and every one has an opinion on what it must be, and what we must do.
A nice way and idiom to express your feelings, convey your messages and tell the world what's there in Yourself! And I appreciated the way how through writing, you started from Sunday, you woke up from your bed, you in the dress and suit, then to the trials and resolutions, and then to Twitter and Facebook.... It was just amazing.. and I saw how, you were thirsting to express your feelings that everyone's brothers and sisters here and our Godfather, The Almighty, is Sole and One only... I liked the way you created digesting words that pleased my mind, heart & it touched my soul...
No nasty comments from my part and I just, em' Salute you for your brilliant talent that you expressed through writing... Sso amazing!
I've got something for you too :-
To progres spiritually, coming closer to The Almighty, Our Godfather and
to progress materially, helping the needy ones is our main aim in life , to fulfill, with dedication; devotion and perseverance,
and also, psychological, philosophical knowledge from a spiritual teacher, in our life is our greatest acquaintance....
((Amazing words which came from the core of my heart seeing ur great talent:)))
JUST 4 U <3
Sejal,