Published January 26, 2014
Prologue
Annabel
Sophomore year at a new school. I guess that’s how many love stories begin, right? The first day at a new school? If you were reading this hoping you were going to get a good scoop on an epic love story similar to a Nicholas Sparks novel, I think you might want to close this book. While this is a love story, it’s not a happy one. If you like happy endings where the guy gets the girl or the girl gets the guy, you will be sadly disappointed. This is the story of me, and of Daniel. It’s the story of many years of life, and some of death.
If you insist on reading this, I suggest you get a box of tissues ready and make sure your phone is in another room. This may make you cry, or it may make you so mad that you throw your phone at the wall. I won’t pay for your phone if your reaction is of the latter. However, I hope you don’t cry, and I hope you feel no urge to release your cellular device from your hand at a great level of velocity, I hope instead that our story teaches you a lesson. Love hurts except when it doesn’t. Love is the best thing on Earth... except for when it isn’t. Love drowns you, except for when it makes you want to fly. Most of all, love is life. Without it, there would be nothing.
End of chapter
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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well as far as prologues that's not leaving too much for the imagination there, that lets you know exactly what you're in for right off the first line...and ahh, as a fan of happy endings, especially in stories featuring romance, well this is quite a dire warning right at the very beginning.
Well at any rate, this does a very good job as an opening paragraph to a prologue cause it does make you want to find out what could've possible caused the catastrophe that makes this whole thing such a bad ending especially with death of all things also being involved here.
Okay, well that's a lot of probably very good advice for anyone that's about to read a very sad story there...the tissues especially are going to be quite essential especially if love and death are both involved at the same time here. Oh well, this definitely is a different style of prologue here...essentially being a sort of warning given to us by the protagonist here. At any rate, it seems like a pretty intriguing story here that I would potentially read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Omg you said this wasn't good which it is I think you should continue writing more and more and more lol I'm over exaggerating but I still think you should write more because this is an awesome
story. There is nothing wrong with this except the e on earth should be capitalized. I like how you said If you like happy endings where the guy gets the girl or the girl gets the guy, you will be sadly disappointed. This is the story of me, and of Daniel. It’s the story of many years of life, and some of death. That part because that lets us know something bad is going to happen so foreshadowing.
If you have any question let me know
~Chanta~
sorry it did it two times
Holy Cow. Wow. Perfect amount of intrigue and intro personality. One little thing though, you say that this will be a book of tears and then say that you hope that the reader doesn't cry. That is all. I am very intrigued by this.
REMINDS ME OF LEMONY SNICKET!
I like it
Hi, Moose here for probably the shortest review ever...
Well then. This was short, but very bittersweet. I love the tone it's conveying, this bruised but strong tone, and it makes me root almost immediately for the main character. What made me smile was where it's written,
That... that's so.... PERFECT! The whole 'Life isn't always a romance novel and this tale isn't just a romance novel' just threw me for a loop, and I love it when something throws me for a loop!
I suppose I'm ranting a bit, but hey, that was pretty sweet.
I enjoyed this, absolutely, and it is marvellous, even for being so short. It gives just the right amount of story and insight and life that I am drawn in completely. I cannot wait to read more, and trust me, I will.
Cheers,
Moose
thanks so much, I'm working on Chapter 1 right now.
First Chapter posted, I'm going to post Chapter 2 tomorrow, most likely.
WOOOO!
Hiya, Gravity! Happy Review Day!
Wow, this was so good. I'm kind of amazed something so short could be so poetic and wonderful. I have no doubt this will make for an incredible story.
I really have only one nitpick:
The E in "earth" doesn't need to be capitalized.
Other than that, this was flawless. Some parts I especially liked:
The narrative voice here is so, so, so crazy good. I love the sarcastic, brutally honest undertone that it carries. A tad cynical, even, which is perfect for the content of this prologue.
This is so beautiful. Really, just incredibly gorgeous.
Well done. Keep up the great work!
Chapter 1 is posted. I'll probably post Chapter 2 tomorrow.
Hi, Defying!
Well this is a relatively short piece so I don't know that I'll be able to offer any deep insight or anything. As far as prologues go this isn't bad, but I've always seen prologues as more of introductions to the action of the story. This comes off as more of an introduction to the story as a whole. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I'd consider calling this a Foreword over a prologue. Not necessary, just a technicality. Either way, this is the kind of thing that draws readers in and makes them want more so good job in that department. I love your last few lines lines:
"Love drowns you, except for when it makes you want to fly. Most of all, love is life. Without it, there would be nothing."
I thought they were crafted especially beautifully. The narrator's voice is already well-established this early on and I already feel like I know her which is no easy feat considering we're just in the prologue. I don't have much to offer in the way of negative criticism since this is so short, but I will be following this story and I can't wait to see more from you soon.
Chapter 1 is posted, I'll probably post chapter 2 tomorrow.
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful review day!
Technical:
First off, I'd recommend italicizing the "Prologue", and maybe "Annabel" as well. Or, perhaps rewrite it with a colon, like so-- "Prologue: Annabel." That reads a lot more nicely.
Okay, this, coming on the heels of the previous question, makes it seem like you haven't said everything you wanted to say, or haven't figured out how you want to say it. That would make a great follow up to a line like "It all started out on..." As is, I'm expecting the narrator to start explaining what they mean, but instead they keep asking questions.
Still no explanation, and that's a really long sentence. It's just too wordy. What you're trying to get across is "If you wanted something like a Nicholas Sparks novel...", which says what you want to say without beating around the bush.
Style suggestion. Get rid of the comma and the "of." It flows better without it.
Okay, I can live with the narrator's style at this point. Assuming I, the reader, will be bawling bad enough to merit tears is a bit presumptuous, but I can live with it. The narrator is a fallible character, after all. But where'd the phone thing come from? Does the narrator not want us distracted?
Oh, the narrator thinks I might throw my phone at the wall. Wait...what??? Why would I get so mad I'd throw my phone? What does my phone even have to do with a book? The only thing I could think of would be if I were reading the book on my phone, but even then...don't you think people would value their phones more than some book making them unhappy/mad? I know authors are supposed to make their readers have questions, but this makes no logical sense, and it leaves me ready to walk away, shaking my head.
Another long sentence. Change that last comma to a period (since that one's technically a comma splice). And wordiness in this sentence. The whole "release your cellular...great level of velocity" might be going for cute, but it comes across as forced.
Hope this helps!
Messenger here for you on a hectic Review Day!
Just make sure this isn't to insightful for the reader .On the other hand it will put them on edge to know when and what happens, and to who it happens.
I got the tissue part, but I was really confused and trying to guess what the phone would have to do with reading this. Then I read on
Couldn't help but laugh out loud at this line. High velocity. Hahaha.
Very powerful and interesting line to finish your prologue on. It really was a very nice ending to an interesting and humorous prologue. I have to say that this is a very intriguing prologue that I don't think could be written better. IT grabs the reader and makes it very personal. If you continue to write it link me the first chapter.
Happy Review Day!
Go Cobalt Critiquers!
Keep it up!!!!
Thanks Malachi, you are awesome
You are welcome!
I posted the first chapter, I'll probably post Chapter 2 tomorrow.