The cobblestone streets are slick, with the day’s rain.
And still,
Dark clouds drift heavy with unshed tears,
Through a darker sky.
Houses are boarded up,
The windows closed off to the elements.
Not a soul wanders the streets.
Not a soul dares stick their head out of doors.
The world looks so lonely, locked up tight as it is.
So empty.
The pattering sound of rain drops
Echo through the rows of tiny houses.
It is a hallow sound.
One of loss and longing.
There is a soft moan in the wind.
It is the sound of a soul that no longer hums
To the beat of mental melodies
Constructed by firelight and pen ink.
Silence stretches on, boisterous in the solitude
Of the cobblestone streets.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
This poem is absolutely stunning, it left me completely wordless. The imagery has painted a real picture of an empty street, the wind blowing and rain coming. Is completely [I can't find an adequate word to describe how good it is]. Now, do you see that white space on the top right corner of the black banner at the top of the page? Yeah, that's how much I know about poetry. As you can see, next to nothing. But like Iggy and JohnLocke, I will try my best and give you my opinion on this wonderful poem.
style: Style is always important in poetry, it effects the outcome of the poem and I adore how you've shaped this poem. The separation of the stanzas, some in just two short sentences. Like this one,
As always, short sentences when used effectively can convey your message, its content, its significance much better than long sentences. You've done so very well here. Especially with so empty. It really rings out a stretch of silence.
rhythmThe general rhythm in this poem also flows well and gives the poem a steady beat. It makes it so much enjoyable and easier to read!
I can't find nick picks on grammar, of course. My grammar skills are non-existent.
Now, to my favourite part! My favourite lines! Which is almost the poem, but I really love these!
You, have a way with metaphors and similes. Ingeniously weaving into this poem effortlessly. Once again, the imagery is stunning, absolutely stunning.
The ending might be the best ending I've read in a long while. This poem left me breathless. When you post a new work, please alert me. I would love to read more.
-Laure
Really really beautiful imagery is used here. Your sensory details are beautifully used, but I feel that you could do even more. Grab your readers by the hand and drag them into your piece. Let them smell the damp rain soaking into the glistening pavement, make them taste the salt in the air, feel the chills on their skin. Take your readers into your poetry and it will definitely become much stronger and better. Yet already you have a beautiful piece, it could always use that little extra bit to really make it stand out. Give this piece that extra punch and mix it with your already beautiful and seamless transitions. Keep writing!!
and what a poem this is. This was amazing.
Like the reviewer below me, I'm no poet, so sorry that I can't give great poetical feedback on this, but I will give you my best.
This was really good. You really did an amazing job with the imagery and weaving such words together than you formed such beautiful images for the reader. Your word choices were wise and you should feel very proud of that! It really was beautiful.
My sole nitpick has to do with the stanzas, as I feel that some lines outweigh others and throw the balance off. Whether that's fixable or not is up to you, since it's not like it goes against the laws of poetry, but I think a bit of balance might be nice. For example:
The first line seems to outweigh the second, but it really isn't a major thing to worry about. I have a feeling that you formatted this the way you wanted it to, and if it's good for you, it's good for me. Just a suggestion.
Overall, it was really an amazing poem. I've got to reiterate this so you know how important it was: your imagery was amazing. I look forward to seeing more beautiful poems from you!
-Iggy
Hello, my friend.
First, I have absolutely no idea about all of the nitty-gritty of poetry. Therefore, you will have to wait for a more intelligent person than myself. Have no fear, they are aplenty.
Second, this was chilling. Your word choices, to me, were beautiful. You showed me, instead of telling me what you want me to see. You constructed a world and allowed me, the reader, to fill in what I want this world to be.
Third, the structure of this poem help it. In my opinion. This world you have shown me is that of solitude, sadness and loss. However, the words almost seem jumbled together when I look at them. Only sporadically do I physically see the loneliness of this world. However, that may have been your intention.
I enjoyed your writing. So please, keep me posted of anything you may write. I am very interested. Happy Writing!