Cancer

Wow cool poem. Sad too. Poor people who have cancer. We can't even do anything for them. why can't people have cures for cancers? Maybe they might have in the future generations. And these poems are so cool that they might even make people cry. And I am doing this for my review team. So I hope they win because apple dumpling gang rocks.

- Storybraniac

Hi, a very nice piece of work you' ve got here. I loved the rhyming scheme- it was great and didn't sound forced at all. A very unique idea you have written about. This line is one I find very sad:

"And all that’s left, and all that’s there

Is one less person and an empty chair."

One thing I think could use improvement is the format. Try putting the rhyming sentences together.My favourite line would be:

"Your home is silent, your home is gone

And a gray stone sits on a scared lawn."

I liked the way the emotions are expressed- you've done a very good job.A lovely poem and hope to read more of your work.

- Storybraniac; apple dumpling gang

Hi, a very nice piece of work you' ve got here. I loved the rhyming scheme- it was great and didn't sound forced at all. A very unique idea you have written about. This line is one I find very sad:

"And all that’s left, and all that’s there

Is one less person and an empty chair."

One thing I think could use improvement is the format. Try putting the rhyming sentences together.My favourite line would be:

"Your home is silent, your home is gone

And a gray stone sits on a scared lawn."

I liked the way the emotions are expressed- you've done a very good job.A lovely poem and hope to read more of your work.

- Anshira; apple dumpling gang

I think you captured the true state of cancer in a beautiful, dark way. It is a horrible, relentless, unforgiving disease. I'm truly sorry for whatever provoked you to write this. A very close person to me is a survivor of cancer, and I remember how rough it was for him. Again, I'm very sorry.

I liked the poem.I loved the way you made comparisons in it. Frankly just reading the title , it did not seem that it would be such a good piece.I suggest that you could have made the title lot more interesting to match up with the content.
other wise it was a superb piece of poetry!

This was superb. I really enjoyed it (as much as you can enjoy a sad poem). The rhyming flowed really well and seemed to be consistent. Your imagery really brought some life into what seems to be an invisible disease. Cancer seemed to be even more of a villain through your description of it as a predator. My only criticisms would be that I think the verse would be a little more fluid if you had "Destroys the children, and lonely wife" as opposed to "Destroys the children, and HIS lonely wife". I say this because the use of "lonely" is already implying that the wife is missing somebody and that extra word extends the verse enough to slightly mess with the flow. But, this is a very small criticism and some other people may find that the use of "his" is clarifying. This was a great poem and I look forward to more of your work!

Hey there, here for a review.

Well I'd like to start by saying that this is beautifully written. I love the way it rhymes and flows and there wasn't much repetition. I like the way you described Cancer as the Darkness. I'm still not sure why you capitalized " Strength, Power, Will and Spirit" as if they too were characters but that is your choice and I respect it. I see no spelling or grammatical mistakes.

However the one thing I don't like about this poem is that you seemed to picture Cancer as an undefeatable foe, or people's doom, as if it couldn't be survived. I guess that is one point of view but I find it very negative. The other thing that I find strange and I feel breaks the flow of the poem a bit is the last verse, where you said "one second too late", as if insisting on the ONE. If that is not your goal I suggest you could change it to "a second too late", which I feel seems more normal when you say it.

But those are only my points of view on the poem and it's always more important that you write it as you like it, so take my suggestions as seriously as you want.

Congratulations, and as always, keep writing.

-Alfonso