Sin

Bravo! Excellent! Outstanding! Amazing! Good job! I really like this poem because you just speak your mind there isn't anything where your just like 'Oh I'll just not add this' Its speaks cold hard truth. I also like that you rhymed in every sentence. Not many people can do it and not sound cheesy. So great job! cant wait to read more of your writing! Your a Great poet! Keep writing!

From,
Buddy886551

Hi, Beagle here,

Wow! That was so emotionally dense and left me speechless. i really like how you rhyme your ending sentences, and how deep your writing goes.

I also really like how you drew me in with your first lines, so dark and powerful.

Well done,

Keep writing!

Beagle

Hello, NightWolf here to review for you on this fine day.
As Sparkle said, this is a very dark topic, but you have thought it out well and the finished product is a very interesting poem. There is no suger coating in this poem, it is the topic exactly. Your tone is as dark as the topic, with somewhat of a vengeful undertone to me.

I got a very clear image from your poem, which is great. This means you have used description well and your vocabulary. I just love poems where I can clearly see it out in my head. Congratulations.

Your ryhming is excellent, and it doesn't sound forced as do some rhyming poems. It all fits so well together, just like a jigsaw puzzle.

My favourite lines are the last four. They are so meaningful. Abandoment by God is really serious, and you have crafted it in your poem so well. Though I don't think you need the 'can', it makes the last line slightly awkward on the tongue.

Maybe you can break the poem into stanzas? It makes everything slightly more approachable.

I see no grammatical or spelling mistakes, so well done on your part!

I loved this poem, and I look very forward to reading more! This is just an excellent piece of writing, and no more can be said.

Hi! Sparkle here to review!

Wow, this is a pretty dark topic. You explored and described it very well in this poem, though. I loved the tone you wrote it in, and the clear imagery I got from it. You use description and metaphor excellently.

Something I think you may want to consider is breaking it up into stanzas. I find poems with stanzas look more approachable and flow a little bit better with the extra breaks. Also, I don't think you need to capitalize each line unless you have a specific reason to do so.

"A sick green hue, now paints the sky

And on the wind, the demons cry.

A call to master, a call to mind

A call to tempt, the human's kind."

I love love love these first four lines. They draw me in and captivate me immediately. The only thing I might change is possibly saying something like 'all humankind' or 'for humankind' instead of 'the human's kind'. I just think that might make it more clear that you are addressing mankind as a whole instead of just one specific person, unless, of course, you aren't, in which case just ignore me.

"There's a cold so strong, it cuts your core

Just stop your struggle, and breathe no more.

Bodies burn in raging flames,

Consuming all but deadly shames."

I'm not entirely sure what you mean in the first two lines here. You seem to be talking about death, but why would it be harder to die if you're cold? Wouldn't that make you want to die more? Maybe I'm not understanding something that I should here, but in such a deep poem i suppose there can be many different interpretations. Anyway, I love the last two lines.

"Your Lust for power, your sickening Greed,

Has written you a binding creed.

So do not think to right your wrongs

For Chaos is thriving, and Evil grows strong."

Shouldn't it be 'have' instead of 'has' if you're talking about both lust and greed? Other than that, excellent.

"God has left you, he's here no more,

Gone to love his demon whore

For even God has turned to sin

Your Angels have left you, so your demons can win."

The message in these final few lines is powerful and beautifully written. The only thing I might change here is that you start off by saying 'God has left you' and end with 'Your angels have left you', which seems a bit repetitive to me.

Wonderful poem, if a bit darker than what I'm used to reading.

Good job, and keep writing! I hope this helped!