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Grace

by dbrick


Todd sat slouched over on his bed. The weather outside seemed especially dismal, and couldn’t have been helping the rescue efforts. His eyes were glazed over and he reached up to wipe

the sweat from his wrinkled brow. What now? Todd’s thoughts were travelling as slow as honey and he struggled to make himself do anything. His frozen mind was caught up in

something. What is it? What am I missing? He wearily picked up his hand and traced its crinkled lines with his fingernail. He was young and yet his hands were already as creased as an old

man’s. What was it that his dad had told him? “Your hands tell you if you have worked hard in life. If they are as creased and calloused as a mountain range, then you done good. But, if they are

soft like butter, well you better get to work.” Todd snorted in amusement as he remembered the other little sayings of his dad. “Do what makes you happy. If you aren’t happy, change your situation because, after all, isn’t that what life’s about. To make you happy?” His eyebrows

joined together and arched slightly. His upper lip raised in disgust. Selfish old man.

Yet, I still love him. Todd decided what had to be done and decisively planted his feet on

the floor. If God gave me grace, then I guess he deserves it to.


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Sat Jul 24, 2021 11:16 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Todd sat slouched over on his bed. The weather outside seemed especially dismal, and couldn’t have been helping the rescue efforts. His eyes were glazed over and he reached up to wipe the sweat from his wrinkled brow. What now? Todd’s thoughts were travelling as slow as honey and he struggled to make himself do anything. His frozen mind was caught up in something. What is it? What am I missing? He wearily picked up his hand and traced its crinkled lines with his fingernail. He was young and yet his hands were already as creased as an old man’s. What was it that his dad had told him? “Your hands tell you if you have worked hard in life. If they are as creased and calloused as a mountain range, then you done good. But, if they are soft like butter, well you better get to work.” Todd snorted in amusement as he remembered the other little sayings of his dad. “Do what makes you happy. If you aren’t happy, change your situation because, after all, isn’t that what life’s about. To make you happy?” His eyebrows joined together and arched slightly. His upper lip raised in disgust. Selfish old man.


Okayyy....right off the bat it looks like we've got ourselves a situation in which you've somehow accidentally split this one large paragraph into random smaller parts right in the middle of sentences, which I assume is probably some form of glitch because if this is intentional, well, this is not very good paragraphing there, you definitely do not want to go around breaking paragraphs in the middle of sentences there.

Anyways, moving past that little detail for now, let's get right to the content of the story here. And well, that appears to be of a person that's going through a bit of a tough spot in life there, we've got a sense of general disappointment and sadness radiating off this character here and it looks like they're remembering advice from an estranged father that they aren't the biggest fan of as well here. All in all, it looks to be a general sense of sadness here at the start of this story.

Yet, I still love him. Todd decided what had to be done and decisively planted his feet on the floor. If God gave me grace, then I guess he deserves it to.


And well, it ends on a surprisingly happy note there, it appears someone that is accepting that they need to forgive this father..and move on...well, interesting note to end, and a pretty nice message too. At any rate, this seems like its part of a pretty interesting story here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Mon Dec 16, 2013 2:09 am
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Odysseus310 wrote a review...



First off, I just had to say that your Calvin avatar made me smile. Second, I like this work so far. It is rather grim and it features many concrete details; I enjoy reading good examples of both. However, I did notice one thing that FireFox did not mention:

"The weather outside seemed especially dismal, and couldn’t have been helping the rescue efforts" is a comma splice. Perhaps ". . . dismal; it couldn't . . ." would work better? Just a suggestion, of course.

I definitely like your style. It is very emotional and gripping. I finished my preview wanting more and wondering who the rescue party was going after!




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Thu Nov 28, 2013 3:46 am
Cirute wrote a review...



Here's my review.
Good wording and descriptions. I really like the tone of your writing, very dark! For some reason the format of paragraphs is all messed up, but that doesn't take away from your writing. You also have very good flow, which makes this piece all the better to read. If you post more I'd defiantly read it. This piece here is quite thought provoking and leaves the reader craving more, which is a great writing technique. I do agree with FireFox, there are a few things that need some improvement, but overall it is very good. Hope to see more!
Sincerely,
~Cir.




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Sun Nov 24, 2013 5:13 am
FireFox wrote a review...



Hey, dbrick! FireFox here to review on behalf of the Apple Dumpling Gang on this fine Review Day!

Needs Improvement:
1. Formatting. Obviously, you know the formatting is an issue, as I just now saw a comment you posted to another reviewer, so I will say no more. :)

2. Quotes vs. Italics. I see that you have his father's sayings that Todd is remembering in both italics and quotation marks. Choose one. It gets confusing to the reader to try to figure out if that is dialogue or if that is just thoughts or what the deal is. I suggest italics, being that dialogue is typically within quotation marks.

3. This sentence bothered me a little bit:

"Todd’s thoughts were travelling as slow as honey and he struggled to make himself do anything."

I can understand using a juxtaposition to compare how slow Todd's thoughts were traveling, but comparing his thought process to honey just does not make sense to me... Honey does not travel, so there is no way that his thought process can logically be compared to honey. Just a thought I had, because that really distracted me. I couldn't stop thinking about that.

In all, this is a very decent synopsis and it got me hooked for sure. I rather like the ending a lot and I am interested to read more. I do like how you included the things that his father used to say to him, as it connects us more to our MC. I would just like to know his age range and what he looks like!

-FireFox




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Sun Nov 24, 2013 1:40 am
Bugslake wrote a review...



I don't like how the sentences are broken by new paragraphs. It's slightly annoying and hard for people to read. I like how you have started developing your character, but with such a short passage we can't really connect with the character. We don't know why there's a rescue or what happened to his dad. All in all, I would definitely like to read more if this novella.




dbrick says...


Hi, I am not sure how to fix the broken paragraphs. It looked good and connected in the publishing center.



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Thu Nov 21, 2013 9:33 am
Snowery wrote a review...



Hey dbrick! Silver here!
I really liked this. It had a nice flow and was well written. The main problem I had was just the formatting but you've already mentioned that. It dosen't gice much of a plot but I guess thats because it's an excerpt. I look forward to seeing more from you!

Silverlock




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Thu Nov 21, 2013 5:28 am
dbrick says...



Sorry about the formatting guys, it all looked good in the publishing center. :p





The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
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