Young Writers Society

The Messenger Knight here to review for you again, as a KotGR, on a wonderful Review Day!

Each time the walls got smaller,my soul shrank with it.

Trapped in your mymsical will,stuck being your emotional slave.

For some reason I can't forget you,you're my scar.

Thanks to you my heart is slashed, my hope dashed. dreams were lost, my soul was smashed, and my

Hello! My name is Deifyance and i'm doing the review I promised!

I would like to start with making the disclaimer that I am not a poetry writer, and thus I cannot offer any instruction or tips on format and function. So I'll purely be reviewing the content and the overall emotional piece.

Poetry to me has always been a romantic art form. The poet, using his/her mastery of the english language to communicate something that would previously not be able to fit into words. By providing rhythm, and a flow to the words, they are able to add emotion and meaning to certain combinations of words. And this, is something I think you do well.

This is obviously speaking of a past romance or close relationship of some kind, and the poet is simply attempting to express the loss and hurt left by such a tragedy.

I'll start with how I felt during the beginning, middle, and end.

You started right off expressing the importance of the person. Expressing the level of the connection, thus increasing the pain of such a connection being severed. I like this because it introduces the characters and sets the tone for the rest of the piece.

Around the middle you begin to tell of the 'inciting incident' or the cause of the pain that would later be expressed through the severing of the relationship. Again, this is well crafted and I am abel to connect to the emotion here. The only thing I would recommend is a little more variety with the words. Add in a little craft and variety. Use some words that express meaning, and make them get bigger and bigger as the story gets worse and worse.

The end is a little lacking. Instead of allowing two or three paragraphs to the middle, and one to the end; you allow four paragraphs to the middle, otherwise known as the 'action part' of the story. Here, we want to know and connect with the outcome of the middle. Instead, all we have is 'but today you are just my scar.' Why? What happened to the relationship? It feels like you stretched out the middle a little too much, and rushed the end.

So, if I were to rewrite this, I would take out a paragraph in the middle; add some bigger words and really focus on the selection of words to reflect the growing stress of the situation. The, I would add in a legitimate ending paragraph explaining what happened and how you have moved past, or maybe not.

This has the potential to be extremely powerful! Depending on the ending; (we aren't sure if its a good ending or bad.) you can allow others to connect to your story and influence them in a certain direction. Don't take that power lightly!

Blessings!