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Young Writers Society



Penguin at the Bottom

by Gravity


He is at the bottom of an incredibly steep iceberg in the middle of the South Pole. He is on his belly, flapping his wings. It looks as if the penguin is trying to fly. Sadly, he cannot. Penguins don't fly.

The penguin looks up to see his family standing at the top of the glacier. They are making noises and moving their wings. The family of penguins are trying to tell their loved one at the bottom of the iceberg that he will make it to the top. The biggest, fattest, most commanding penguin of them all yells at the penguin at the bottom to just wriggle, and eventually he will get there.

The penguin at the bottom is named Mr. Penguin. He tries to follow the larger penguin's advice. He wriggles and shimmies his body to try to get back to his family. It doesn't require much effort, and it doesn't get him anywhere.

Back at the top of the iceberg, the fat penguin's mate yells at Mr. Penguin to get up and waddle to the top of the glacier. So Mr. Penguin wriggles himself to his small feet, and begins to waddle. Mr. Penguin's feet keep slipping and he still can't get to the top of the glacier.

Mr. Penguin begins to lose hope. He is back on his belly. His thick layer of tiny feathers helps keep him warm but he can still feel the ice underneath him. Mr. Penguin turns his head towards the water behind him. He knows that if he stays there forever, the ice underneath him will melt. Mr. Penguin knows that if the ice melts, he won't be able to keep his body above the water forever, and he will drown.

One of the smaller penguins of the family calls down for Mr. Penguin to try to fly. This penguin is a female. She has no mate. She is so small that the rest of the penguin family doubts that she will be able to mate and take care of her young. Now she makes them think that she is stupid too.

"Merp Merp!" She calls. Mr. Penguin knows that this means for him to fly. He uses his mouth to produce a honking sound. He knows this is impossible. However, Mr. Penguin gets to his feet once again and flaps his wings.

Everyone at the top of the glacier besides the smaller female laughs at him. They doubt he can fly. The female knows that he can do it. Maybe not fly, but he can use his wings as a tool. Mr. Penguin's wings are more like flippers, but he has them for a reason.

Mr. Penguin has an idea. He steps to the foot of the glacier while flapping his wings. He feels more balanced. So he takes another step while he flaps. He doesn't slide again. So he waddles up the glacier while flapping his wings. The bottoms of his feet are gripping the glacier, and are very sore. Yet Mr. Penguin keeps waddling and flapping his wings.

Eventually, Mr. Penguin makes it to the top and his family looks at him with joy. The big and bad male penguin's mate boasts that it was she who had given him the idea to walk up the glacier. The smaller female and Mr. Penguin know better.

Eventually, Mr. Penguin and his family make it to where their nests are. The other Penguin's feed their young. However, Mr. Penguin and the smaller female are not mated and they have no young.

"Merp. Merp." Says Mr. Penguin. Just like that, the smaller female becomes Mrs. Penguin. Later, the Penguin couple produce dozens of tiny little penguins. These penguin children always have Mr. and Mrs. Penguin to help them climb up from the bottom of any steep glacier they should encounter.

The End.


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Sat Jan 18, 2014 4:17 am
AEChronicle wrote a review...



Lol, this almost seems childish, but that's probably the way you wanted it to be. I actually like the writing style and the feel it has, like your hurrying through it and saying a lot of the same thing, but the subject matter, i.e. Mr. Penguin, makes this okay, because it's so dang cute.

Who doesn't like penguins that try to fly?

In any case, I could find a lot of grammatical issues with this, but I think they are actually important to the story working out. Weird, I know, but you've probably heard it all ready. It has an eclectic and grungy feel to it, but it fits well, and I like it.

Thank you defyingravity01!




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Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:58 pm
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Renard wrote a review...



Spoiler! :
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!


Right then, I < 3 penguins. And it was the title that caught my attention here.
As usual, I wasn't disappointed by what I read from you.
A highlight:

One of the smaller penguins of the family calls down for Mr. Penguin to try to fly. This penguin is a female. She has no mate. She is so small, that the rest of the penguin family doubts that she will be able to mate and take care of her young. Now she makes them think that she is stupid too.
You really personify the penguins as characters here.
Reminds me a little bit of Happy Feet actually. And it's such cute imagery.

I really really like this piece. And it is very individual. :)

Kudos.

Keep writing.

~BSF






Aw thanks! Now that I look back I see that you have reviewed and liked many of my works. Thanks so much, it's nice to know I have people who consistently like and read my work :)





You're welcome.
:)



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Sat Oct 12, 2013 2:45 pm
krizshelbenalycabral wrote a review...



Hi! I'm Krizshel and I'll be reviewing your work. I'm not good at reviewing but I hope I can help!

First of all, you did a great job with your story here. The flow of the story is easy to follow, and I would suggest more creative descriptions for your work to be more fantastic :)

Then, I've noticed some lines that you might consider editing. Here they are:

They are making noises and moving there wings.

Here, I think "there" should be "their" because it's possessive.

The penguin at the bottom is named is Mr. Penguin.

You should remove the "is" after "named." You must've just missed this one.

It doesn't require much effort, and it doesn't get him anywhere.

I think this would be more smoother if you replace "and" with "but."

Eventually, Mr. Penguin and his family make it to where their nests are.

I think "made" would fit here.

Lastly,
"Merp. Merp." Says Mr. Penguin. Just like that, the smaller female becomes Mrs. Penguin. Later, the Penguin couple will produce dozens of tiny little penguins. These penguin children will always have Mr. and Mrs. Penguin to help them climb up from the bottom of any steep glacier they should encounter.

As Messenger have said, it would be more appropriate to put this in the tense that you were using for most of your paragraphs.


Aside from that, I find your story very interesting and I love how it teaches a lesson about hard work, self-confidence, and the like. You have a good story here. I think most people will be able to relate to the penguin's situation of being trapped in something like this, and struggles to escape that circumstance. You wrote this piece well, and keep on writing! :)




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Tue Oct 08, 2013 6:32 pm
Messenger wrote a review...



The Knight Messenger here to review for KotGR.
So, I thought your story was all fine until this line.

The penguin at the bottom, his name is Mr. Penguin.

that is not a complete sentence; it would be considered a fragment. Sometimes in writing fragments are fine, like in speaking or for powerful emphasis someone will have a one-word fragment, but here it doesn't fit. You could fix this line by switching "his name" to was named.

The bottoms of his feet are gripping the glacier, and are very sore. Yet Mr. Penguin keeps waddling and flapping his wings.

I think switching the period here to a comma would keep the flow of the story better.

I loved this story overall, but one major thing tat is a big problem, is the fact that you kept switching verb tenses. Sometimes you were writing in the present, and other ties in the future. That must be fixed. Besides that i loved this story, and has a good message about doing things, even when others don't think you can.
Keep it up!




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Tue Oct 08, 2013 2:47 pm
whitewolfpuppy wrote a review...



Hey there! I am Onyx and I will be reviewing your short story today! :D

Comments
Great job! I like the story over all. You did well with the short stories and using so few words to give a great story with meaning behind it. I love it a lot! You did a wonderful job! Just a few things I would like to say, only one critique but hey, you did awesome!

Mr. Penguin began to lose hope. He was back on his belly. His thick layer of tiny feathers helped keep him warm but he could still feel the ice underneath him. Mr. Penguin turned his head towards the water behind him. He knew that if he stayed there forever, the ice underneath him would melt. Mr. Penguin knew that if the ice melted, he wouldn't be able to swim forever and would drown.

In this paragraph, I would add a bit more detail. Even though it is a short story, I would use strong words that show the details with very few words being added. It is still a great paragraph!

Maybe not fly, but he can use his wings as a tool. Mr. Penguin's wings are more like flippers, but he has them for a reason.

I like this sentence a lot! Some reason I can relate to it. Not with flippers but other things. It is a nice realization you can add within the story. Great job!

[b] Over all [b]
Over all, you did amazing! As I said before, the way you used the short story to portray a life lesson story is a wonderful idea. You did a great job, keep it short and to the point. Keep on writing! If you ever need anything else reviewed. Feel free to send me a message on my profile and I would be more than happy to. :) Thank you so much for your time!
~Onyx






Thank you for the review. How do you make that boxy thing with the quotes appear?





By doing quote in between [ ] and the last part /quote between [ ]
Like this, without the dashes. [-quote-] [-/quote-]





Sorry, could you re explain that? lol I'm slow.





Haha okay. Basically you are going to say the word quote at the beginning and put the brackets around it. [ ] So it will look like [ quote ] So next after that, you will say /quote. After you have said what you wanted to be quoted. You say [/quote ] You place it in brackets as well. So it will look like
The penguin was amazing





I give up. I'm sorry :( So do you put [/The penguin was amazing]





You say [quote] The penguin was amazing [/quote ]





OH!!!!!!! [quote] The penguin was amazing. [quote/]





Lol you put the / in the wrong side of the quote





grrrrrr.
The penguin was amazing





There you go!:D




Is anyone else desperately waiting to see themselves in the quote gen?
— TheCursedCat