Come Back To Me

BOOMSTICK!
Ash Strangelove here and I have a good review for you
I saw this more as a story
Pros: The story element and how much emotion you can pack in this. It hit heavy at the end and it was really powerful. Everyone feels like this after it happens and everyone should read this. All you have heard so this is going to be short
Cons: Eh, I'm not a romancy guy so this really wasn't in my preferance. Everyone has said the other cons so yeah
Ash Strangelove gives you...
7.8/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay Groovy

awesome

Hey there Lyricalrebel!

Great piece you have here and I think it speak very well to our age group. I really liked some of the more subtle aspects to this poem. for example the rhyme scheme, i think it was rather clever that you had every other stanza rhyme, it had a very good effect with the poem: showing the discontinuity of the relationship. I viewed it as the rhyming was reflective of the narrators memories and the "bliss" then the non-rhyming kid of representing how the relationship fractured. I'm not sure if you were going for this effect but if you were, it was definitely well received and well done for that matter. I especially liked the line "Now there's nothing I can do but cry, sigh then sob." I think it really portrays the progression of emotions after a hard breakup; at first yes it is up setting, but the more and more you think about it, the more emotional it becomes

On another note one thing I would recommend adding to this piece would be an ellipses (...) in the last line, just form some dramatic effect, making the line "You should know how painful this is... tearing my heart."

Once again i cannot express how much I really enjoyed reading this poem. I recently took a poetry class and we did a whole section on reading and analyzing love and heartache type poems, and I honestly feel as though this poems should have been included in that class -- that's how well written it is! As always, write on my friend, write on!

Cheers!
Graham

Hi lyricalrebel,what a nice poem to read here.The tone of your poem really gives an emotional effect to me.It is filled with feelings of frustration, sadness and disappointment when someone lose his/her beloved ones.I noticed here, that poem you really expressed a deep regret because of your relationship is now over or you have rejected him based in this lines.

#Everything was perfect, where was the flaw?
It was my fault. I should not have said "no"
#It's strange how a perfect relationship can be struck by cowardice
I was stupid and scared, unaware of all the bliss.
-You also can't stop blaming yourself for the reasons of your own.
In overall,I really like the details here that making your poem clearly and easy to understand.It's a great poem to be appreciated here as well.So,good job and keep writing!
Cheer!
~NightWalker

Wowwww such a beautiful poem!!

Really, I enjoyed reading every word, every stanza.

I don't know if this is based on a "true story", but it sounds so realistic, which makes the readers enjoy reading it more.

The fact that you divided your poem into stanza, attracts the readers more, and also, makes us reflect more on the image, between stanzas.

The title "Come back to me" caught my eye. It's a good title, which matches a lot with the poem.

I like how you ended the poem:
"I can't stop glancing at your way.
I don't want you to leave, I want you to stay.
I can't stand goodbyes, it's breaking me apart.
You should know how painful this is tearing my heart."

I think that the last part of your poem is the most sad one. After reading it, the readers will sure feel sorry for the "narrator" and feel sad that the poem has come to an end. - Like how I felt.

Keep on writing,
Kristina