Young Writers Society

I have so many favorite poems it is unbelievable but I think this tops them all. And the best part is, you aren't even a professional writer. This is my favorite poem. Seriously .

This poem basically describes the ups and downs of life. It vividly portrays how there are people who will help you rise when you fall. I love how you related it to chess (best strategy game). Your words connect really smoothly and the rhymes flow so perfectly. My favorite lines were the first six and the last four. Amazing!

- RainGrae

I loved this poem, it has a great message and it really displays how someone will be there to accompany you in your fall. The only critique I have is the wording of a line.

"For your dreams they've been hoarding". I think this would work more with the rhythm if you changed it to "For your dreams they have hoarded." That's about it, great writing!

I really enjoyed reading this! It is different from most, and that is what makes it so grand. There were two other mistakes that I saw,

"When all hope is failed,
and you feel you've been shorted,"

It should be

"When all hope has failed"

Considering it sounds past tense. And I know that "ain't" is now considered a word, but with something that sounds as sophisticated as this, I think that "haven't" would fit there perfectly.Other than that, I absolutely loved this and hope to see more amazing work!

Hello! Guineapiggirl here to review!
This is a pretty decent poem. I have only one big problem with it and a few little nitpicky things.
So, the big problem: Use of the second person.
You, you, your, you, you're, you etc. etc. etc.
I hate reading second person. especially when what you mean is 'one'. One, one, one', one, one is, one etc.
It's ok in informal talking to people to say you but in writing like poems it just doesn't feel right. It's too informal. That said, no-one uses one so I'd recommend just changing it to I or with no subject.
I just get irritated with 'you' because no, I the reader did not do any of those things or feel any of those things etc.
That's the big problem. Now for the nitpicks.

"Do you sit back and laugh,
or do you cry evermore?"

The second line of this couplet feels about a syllable too long.

"and the gifts been rewarded."

is this abbreviated 'and the gift has been rewarded'? because if so you need an apostrophe: gift's

"for your dreams they’ve been hording?"

I don't understand this line.

"to keep others from being thwarted" "you feel like nothing but a pawn..." These also feel a touch too long.

"You set a new goal,
and you don’t plan to lose.
With your sights on your goal
at the opposite end,
there are pieces around you,
more pawns you call friends.
With the strength to press on
that comes only from groups.
You take a step forward,
just the pawns and you.
At first is seems rough,
as they counter your moves
but you’ve learned from mistakes,
and they ain’t got a clue."

This whole bit is awesome. The first part kind of sounded quite a bit like Dr Seuss, which is awesome!

"Yet you’re not finished yet,
you approach the dead king.
You bend down and whisper,
and offer your queen.
For you’ve learned through your journey
that the best strength of all,
is the friends you have with you
to accompany the fall."

Brilliant. A bit more a bit like Dr Seuss!
So, in conclusion, there are a few lines that could do with tweaking but the poem is pretty good. And the second person is sort of growing on me by the end of the poem, so use your judgement with that. I think it would probalby be fine left in.

I hope I've helped a bit!