Living in a place where only Hell can be,
Burn, burn,burn and our eyes leave.
Eternal darkness awaits us and we give God our plea.
So many worn out promises aren’t enough to breathe.
We stand around, cluttered to the brim, hoping for a calling of grace.
We ask for forgiveness and treat it as a prize we give ourselves, not what others give us.
Rivers of blood are common in this place; the remains of hope and happiness are eaten away by demons.
Dwelling in eternal darkness they bathe, whilst humans are screaming their pain.
Who to love,
Who to hate.
We are all the same anyways.
Trapped in our minds from which we can’t escape.
A land where we drown, a land where we suffocate.
Welcomed amidst in our feats.
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137,428 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
this is very interesting and I find it incredibly wonderful I really enjoy reading your work and once again this is an awesome piece I love it this poem has a certain truth about it and I'm glad that I was able to read such a unique poem this is something I would recommend be published I would like to see a book written by you with your poems in it if I ever found such a book I would buy it right away with out hesitation so once again magnificent job I loved reading it
This is the only line that really hit me:
For me that's the only line that connected to anything within me. The rest was talking about an unspecified we that lives in a rather unspecified and vaguely-discussed hell, and we're given no reason for them being there, no reason for us hearing about them, no reason to care. The only thing that gives them any personality is the line quoted above. It shows how their personality dictates what they think of forgiveness. It's a nice little spark into something philosophical or character-oriented that you aren't giving us elsewhere.
I think, if you were to rework this poem, that would be a good starting point. Why did you write this poem? What did you want to communicate? What did you want people to think after they read it, or were you just pushing words out into the void? I understand that people are going to interpret poetry many different ways, and that poems don't hit everyone the same, but I do think that going for more specificity, narrative, or character, could bring out the emotion in this poem and connect to more readers.
PM me if you have any questions or comments about my review. Good luck and keep writing!
Wonderfully made and written. The only problem is the spellling errors, but everything else was great keep up the good work
Interesting poem! I love the idea, and I do personally believe we are coming to an end but this is so perfect. Maybe go into mote detail of the demons, how they are where they are and what they do other than stay in their shadows, in their darkness.
those are simple though and everyone makes those mistakes!
Would love to read more.
You have a few spelling errors such as 'not what tohers give us.' Im sure you mean 'others'. Also 'cluttered to the bbrim' which should only have one B.
I love the eternal darkness,the religion and the way it is said in such few words but maybe go into a little more detail on other things. Explain the pleas to their God, the agony of the people as the hope they feel is destroyed when they see the rivers of their loved-ones blood, of how they are all trapped within their own demons.
I do love the poem, really
Thanks so much! Yeah,I totally just realized my spelling errors now. Ooops :3 All of my poems I make all have this basic theme to it so...