This is an interesting poem. At first, I was worried it was going in a completely different direction, and perhaps it is; it's hard to tell in a good way, but it's vague enough that I chose to believe it ends happily. The imagery that comes off strongest for me is the breeze. I can feel the wind gently fluttering at first but becoming more and more potent as the narrator approaches the chasm. The poem itself feels like a journey coming closer to its end. I enjoyed it; good job.
She/They/Fae
“the wist i knew would never allow a straight boy in their stories” ~Omni “Hi Omni can I request wist get the role mom friend :]" ~winter “ah yes, fear Wist's smile :) <- speaks of layers and layers of secrets” ~mint
carefully crafted lies not meant to harm or hide the truth, but avoid stingy queries aimed to break me my heart isn't strong to take these bullets I'm not proud either my eyes evade contact but u left me no choice one after other, I make carefully crafted lies to hide the vulnerable with smoke of deceit I am engulfed in guilt as part of my soul dies stabbed by own words pretending to act normal just like this forged smile one of my biggest lies to laugh off this affliction you made me wear this.
You really use italics in interesting ways Hkumar! It's kind of distinctive and is a nice way to highlight certain phrases or lines in your poem. I like the different metaphors you use to weave between descriptions of lies in your second poem too - it gives a lot of depth to what could be a pretty simple concept. One week of NaPo left, all the best to you! And thanks for sharing these! <3
you should know i am a time traveler & there is no season as achingly temporary as now
4.) morning hymns play just before the dawn nature's own chorus chuckles of robin bird like cheerily, cheer ups that revives your soul a gentle wind blows life caressing the still leaves like first kiss of the day the rising sun right behind chasing away the moon, earth lit by ember light nature's call to wake up ending this lonely night a blissful start to the day.
Spoiler! :
Thank you so much @lliyah <3
Last edited by Hkumar on Sat Apr 30, 2022 6:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
5.) whipped by the cold winds rain drops tapped unevenly at the closed window pane, like the nature's call for me to finally end this labyrinth of confusion and brain fog like a Whirlpool of thoughts engulfing deep within it's abyss. trees swayed with the storm their branches reaching out as if to grab my fettered hands, ending this forever inner battle to join the war that awaits me.
Congrats on getting your hearty high five! You did so well! I really enjoyed reading through your thread -- each poem is highly emotive and your choice of words really enhances that.
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
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