The Vyper's Den [CLOSED]

54 posts1, 2, 3, 4
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Your wish is my command. Hope the criticism was constructive! :)

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]




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Hey, please review my poem; work.php?id=96570

I would be happy for any criticism :)
new profile: profile.php?u=36729




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Done Hero! It was really good!

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]




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Would you mind reviewing my work?
work.php?id=96135
“ You can't control life, [in writing] at least you can control your version.”
―Chuck Palahniuk, Stranger Than Fiction

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. – Unknown




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Could you review on my prologue? I need all the critism I can get.

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=96762

I kept some things back in the prologue on purpose but you can still point anything out.
Drakenor: If I have wings, why am I always walkin''?

Father: Because you don't know how to fly yet, silly.

Drakenor: I believe I can fly!

Father: I believe you can fall.

Drakenor: Look at me! Ahh! Turanamooo!!!

Father: I told him so...




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Done, both of you! I'm SO sorry it took me so long.

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]




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Hi shadow,

I had to request here first :) . I still can't believe how long this took me though. So here's Ch.6. And Ch.7 is up too if you want to read that also.

(Part 1)
work.php?id=97366

(Part 2)
work.php?id=97367

Part one is longer than part two because the natural "break" in the chapter came almost two-thirds the way through.

Anyway, I hope you like it. Thanks in advance ! :)
When I was young I used to have problems finishing my sentences, but now I




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I dont know that I would call it strictly fantasy but it certainly has a heaping dose of fantasy influence. Please give it a read and a review, it would be much appreciated. http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=97126




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Done and done. :smt003

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]




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Hi Shadow,

Back again to request a review for Ch.7 this time. If you would be so kind...

(Part 1)
work.php?id=97368

(Part 2)
work.php?id=97369

Thank you, as always.
When I was young I used to have problems finishing my sentences, but now I




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Would you mind reviewing this poem of mine?

work.php?id=97422
"My Specialty is the Arts."




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I am finisssssshed. Anymore writersssss in need? :-D

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]




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Hey there, would it be okay if you review the following chapter of mine?

work.php?id=95788

If you enjoy this, feel free to read the other chapters!

Thanks
DNX
Laments of passion
Obstructed by fear.
Under guises of jovial chatter;
Incredulous hopes
Steadily feasting away-
Eating away at my heart.




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Anyone else? :smt029

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]




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ShadowVyper wrote:Anyone else? :smt029

Sure why not.

I'll just leave this here.
work.php?id=97786
bane of your existence bane of your existence bane of your existence bane of your existence bane of your existence bane of your existence bane of your existence



The strongest people are not those who show their true strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about.
— Unknown