Jack's Critique Emporium [BACK IN BUSINESS]

Firestarter · 2008-12-28T22:04:33Z

Welcome! I offer critiques of all shapes and sizes for incredibly cheap prices. Payment is mostly taken in the form of love and attention, with points donation a voluntary option if you particularly enjoy a critique. Things I Enjoy Critiquing (and thus probably significantly better at doing so) Historical Fiction Inventive, original poetry Thrilling Stories Fantastic Fantasy Stories that don't involve teenagers Science-Fiction Things I Don't Mind Critiquing Any Fiction Any Poetry Things I Can't Critique Well, or Just Don't Want To Romantic Fiction Scripts Lyrics Art Angsty/Hormonal Writing Non-Fiction (UNLESS it's to do with history, in which case I'll probably be all over it) Fanfiction (there can be exceptions) Very Long Stories (split it up!) What I Offer I like to think eight years on YWS has given me some sort of reviewing skills. I have a good eye for grammar, sentence structures, poetical devices, language/diction, realism, and so forth. If you want me to comment on something specific, just let me know. I only comment on characters and plots if I think they're particularly unlikely/bad, but if you need help with this, point me in the right direction. I've been a struggling poet for a few years now, so if you're a new poet or in a similar situation, I think I can empathise and assist. What To Do In This Thread 1. Link me. URL required. 2. Give me the title and where it's at: Dramatic Poetry, Fantasy Fiction, or whatever. 3. A short description so I know what it's about would be nice. What I'll Do I'll aim to finish the critique within three days. If you have a deadline and you require it quicker, tell me. Otherwise, I'm pretty lazy, and sometimes busy, so I won't necessarily do it quickly. If I miss this thread, or forget, you can lightly nudge me via PM after three days have gone. I work in exclusively chronological order. The only exceptions are if I don't like you, or if your post doesn't fit the guidelines above, or if I really want to critique something else instead first. Otherwise, first come, first served. We're open for business!

Firestarter

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Thu Mar 17, 2011 10:18 pm

Firestarter says... · Thu Mar 17, 2011 10:18 pm

Heads up: the three reviews above this post will be done on Sunday because of work commitments & other things. Sorry for the delay.

Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.

ultraviolet

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Points 1193

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Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:13 pm

ultraviolet says... · Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:13 pm

Hey, would you mind taking a look at Colors? It's mine and 322sivart's entry to the Poetry Pairs contest thing, and we kinda need all the help me can get.

Colors
Lyric Poetry
Colors, as you can guess, and how they tie in with things

No rush, except before the month's over. Thanks a million. =D

"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

~asofterworld.com

CelticaNoir

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Fri Mar 18, 2011 9:10 pm

CelticaNoir says... · Fri Mar 18, 2011 9:10 pm

Hey Jack!

I just posted my first YWS novella ever, Blackened Runes. Mind taking a look?

I am the workingman, the inventor, the maker of the world's food and clothes.
I am the audience that witnesses history. - Carl Sandburg, I am the People, the Mob

tgirly

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Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:14 pm

tgirly says... · Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:14 pm

I hear you give really good reviews, so I was wondering if you could review the first chapter of my novel, Hunted. Thanks!

When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

joshuapaul

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Sat Sep 17, 2011 6:26 am

joshuapaul says... · Sat Sep 17, 2011 6:26 am

Hello,

here, an easy one.
topic87682.html

Read my latest

Firestarter

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Mon Dec 17, 2012 10:57 pm

Firestarter says... · Mon Dec 17, 2012 10:57 pm

Roll up! Roll up! Jack's Critique Emporium is open to the public once more! With whole new offerings! Dazzling reviews! Sparkling critiques! Fantabulous comments! We've got all your critiquing needs under one roof!

Seriously, feed me.

Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.

Kafkaescence

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Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:24 am

Kafkaescence says... · Thu Dec 20, 2012 4:24 am

work.php?id=98364

hmu bro.

#TNT

WRFF

Firestarter

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Thu Dec 20, 2012 8:39 pm

Firestarter says... · Thu Dec 20, 2012 8:39 pm

I'll probably get your review done on Sunday, next two days are mad busy for me with work!

Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.

Firestarter

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Points 18178

Reviews 1259

Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:55 pm

Firestarter says... · Fri Dec 21, 2012 10:55 pm

Done! Reviewing is harder than I remember.

Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.

AquaMarine

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Fri Dec 21, 2012 11:00 pm

AquaMarine says... · Fri Dec 21, 2012 11:00 pm

If you have time, I would hugely appreciate a review.

work.php?id=98457

Please don't hold back - I'm trying to get into the swing of writing poetry again ...

Thanks!

"It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want."

-Spock.

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Elinor

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Sat Dec 22, 2012 7:40 pm

Elinor says... · Sat Dec 22, 2012 7:40 pm

It would be much appreciated if you could take a look:

work.php?id=98486

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.
-- Walt Disney

ShakespeareWallah

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Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:32 am

ShakespeareWallah says... · Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:32 am

Could you take a look at this, please?

Thanks.

Shady

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Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:18 pm

Shady says... · Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:18 pm

Firestarter wrote: I've been a struggling poet for a few years now, so if you're a new poet or in a similar situation, I think I can empathise and assist.

New poet? That's me, and I assistance would be lovely!

I'm going to enter this piece work.php?id=98548 in a competition, and would like to know if it's contest-worthy.

Thanks!

~Shady

"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus
"From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf
"A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni
[they/he]

Firestarter

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Points 18178

Reviews 1259

Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:50 am

Firestarter says... · Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:50 am

Back in business.

Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.

WritingWolf

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Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:23 pm

WritingWolf says... · Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:23 pm

The Story of Not (revised)
The Story of Not, Fantasy Short Story
A short story following the journey of a boy named Not as he attempts to fix his broken world. It is told in a folk-tale/fairytale like style.

My biggest concern with this work is that the wording will be to confusing. So please pay attention to that and give me your opinion.

I think I've gotten all the grammar/spelling type stuff and with some more reading I'm sure I can get what's left. So I'm not really looking for that in a review. What I am looking for would be comments on story-line/plot type stuff.
I also had one person point out that my sentence structure needs work. I agree with them, but I'm not 100% sure what to do about it without leaving the folktale style. I know that I could add some overly embellished descriptions (that is common in the style I'm going for) but due to the unique nature of my piece I'm having a hard time finding where to put those in. So any direct advice on how to improve my sentences structure would be amazing.

Of course, all that is just what I think I want. Often times a reviewer will give me something else and I'm even happier with what they did then I would've been with what I asked for. So you know, review whatever stands out, just keep in mind everything I've said here.

Also, I don't think I'm too happy with that title, so some suggestions would be great!

~You can only grasp what you reach for~

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