You Know You Want Some [re-opened]

Demeter · 2008-11-30T10:28:58Z

Hi! Because you have entered, it seems you would like a review from me. That's wonderful. What I'd rather not review: Fanfiction Fantasy Sci-fi Very long chapters Multiple chapters - give me one at a time.* What I'd rather review: Everything else. But please keep in mind that I can't really go that deep into poems - I'll try my best, but I might not always understand them. ;) What I focus on while reviewing: Nit-picks (like grammar, spelling, structure, awkwardly phrased sentences) Believability etc. (eg. in dialogue) Overall impression Rhyme scheme/rhythm (in poetry) Imagery (in poetry) What you should do: Give me the link and genre of the piece you want to be reviewed. If you want, you can say a few words about the piece. *What you shouldn't do: Give me more than one piece of yours at a time. (If you do this, I will most likely only review the first one.) After I've reviewed that one, you can ask for more. Payment: None. Although, I might like you better if you treated me with some chocolate every now and then. In queue: None! Please note: I hope you can be patient. I will do what I've promised to do, but sometimes I'm more busy and can't do the review very quickly, especially if there's a queue. Thanks for understanding. :) Fire away! ;)

ashleylee

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Sun Dec 28, 2008 11:34 pm

ashleylee says... · Sun Dec 28, 2008 11:34 pm

Hey, Demeter. I really need help with a story I'm working on. It's called Poisoned Roses in Romantic Fiction and it is a vampire story. *sighs* I know what you are thinking, that there are a lot of vampire stories out there, but I hope you enjoy them. If you don't, you totally don't have to do this :wink:

Well, just so you have a background, I have ben working on this forever, and I just now am going back and rewriting the whole darn thing *sighs again* hehe But I have a good feeling about the draft I'm writing so I've decided to ask for your help.

Here is the link to the Preface: topic40158.html

If you ever want to read more of it, just let me know :wink:

Hope you enjoy it and here are your cookies in advance

*hands over a platter of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies*

But once you finish with the critique, I'll give you the chocolate bar I have waiting for you

lol

Thanks, Demeter!

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

Demeter

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:06 am

Demeter says... · Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:06 am

It's finished now. Thanks for the cookies!

"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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sofi

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:35 am

sofi says... · Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:35 am

Hello there

Thank you so much for the review! It was very helpful indeed, I appreciate it!

Sofi.

'Don't you just love these long rainy afternoons in New Orleans when an hour isn't just an hour but a little bit of Eternity dropped into your hands- and who knows what to do with it?'
T.W.

Demeter

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:37 am

Demeter says... · Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:37 am

I'm glad you think so!

"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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Ducati

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Mon Dec 29, 2008 11:18 am

Ducati says... · Mon Dec 29, 2008 11:18 am

Could you please review my story, Jimmy, in other fiction?

topic40936.html

It's a bit of a step out of my comfort zone, so if you feel the need to beat me with a bad characterisation mallet or weapon of your choice, do it gently.

Thanks in advance.

When you look at your life, in a strange new room, maybe drowning soon, is this the start of it all?

LoveableLittleSock

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:27 am

LoveableLittleSock says... · Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:27 am

'Ello ello, Demeter.

I just posted this piece, so if you could bestow it with one of your super-fabulous reviews, that'd be great.

I'm happy to see that you like reviewing romantic fiction. This is where the piece is posted, although I haven't gotten to the romantic-y part just yet, at least not in this chapter.

Link! topic41045.html

Thanks again!

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Angels-Symphony

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 7:09 am

Angels-Symphony says... · Wed Dec 31, 2008 7:09 am

Please review this poem! It needs a review ^^

post478157.html#478157

You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.

LowKey

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:44 am

LowKey says... · Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:44 am

No Queue!

Will you shred this for me please?

post478581.html#478581

Necropolis SB / Necropolis DT

Once was Dreamer, is now LowKey_Lyesmith.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

Demeter

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:39 am

Demeter says... · Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:39 am

All done.

"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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Rosendorn

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Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:06 pm

Rosendorn says... · Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:06 pm

I have posted another poem!

topic41305.html

Enjoy!

A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.

Demeter

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Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:08 am

Demeter says... · Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:08 am

Rosey's is done – that means no queue!

"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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Firestarter

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Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:19 pm

Firestarter says... · Mon Jan 05, 2009 5:19 pm

Ooh. I would love a review of my story, "The Lights Begin To Twinkle." It's a short story in Other Fiction.

Here it is: topic41404.html

Thanks!

Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.

Demeter

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Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:01 pm

Demeter says... · Tue Jan 06, 2009 6:01 pm

Yours is done, monsieur.

"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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Demeter

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Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:18 pm

Demeter says... · Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:18 pm

More, please!

"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

Got YWS?

Anna09

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Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:02 am

Anna09 says... · Sat Jan 10, 2009 2:02 am

Hello! I have a short story that needs to be critiqued. Like, ripped apart. I showed it to a friend yesterday, and told her 'tell me why you hate this', simply because I want this to be the best it can be.
If you can help, I'll be extremely grateful

topic41529.html
I don't think it would be classified as fantasy, but rather realistic fiction.
Thanks ever so much

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