sealegs

Oh no! I must say, I didn't see that little twist coming. (Perhaps I wasn't looking hard enough?) Anyway, you have a nice start of something longer here I think. ...

Let's see. To start, I like some descriptions you have here of the sofas, the pound cake, the lemonade etc. Sometimes you stray from these descriptions though, and the poem ...

I definitely agree with Fire - this piece can't stand alone as just dialogue! All dialogue...well most dialogue...must be accompanied by some descriptions, otherwise it's not nearly as interesting to ...

If we're going to write about unicorn poop, we may as well make it extremely interesting. I know this poem relies entirely on the form, but perhaps you'll have to ...

I'm super impressed by some of these descriptions. The place you speak of is indeed beautiful, but that's not all. I get calm. So calm that something a simple as ...

I think this poem would be much more interesting if you were more confident in the why. By that I mean take out the maybe and perhaps and instead tell ...

I would be much more impressed with this poem if you took out all of the obvious and hid it underneathe something...well...less obvious. For example you say, "she feels the ...

I am a fan of haiku. However, I always find it easier to write a haiku than to write about one. But I'll give it a try. You're writing about ...

I must admit, I don't believe I've ever seen the words "honey" and "violent" in the same pice before. That being said, I love the comparison and the addition of ...

Let's see what we've got. Lovely title. Made me want to read this. I had to look up the definition of 'irascible' which gives you bonus points for making me ...

First off, the 'you' of this poem goes from being absent to laying beside you. So I'm wondering if the tense should be looked. In other news, you've inspired some ...

I know it's rhymed poetry, but sometimes you write sentences in awkward word order to fit in a rhyme. For example, "sitting in a cafe, upon one end;/at a table". ...

I must give you props for putting it all out there. Poetry is supposed to be raw. Be personal. Unfortunately, it's not the kind of personal that other people like ...

I do not like the repeating of "Or so I thought". I actually think it should be removed. It's much too telling. So instead of talking to me, show me. ...

I LOVE the opening line but the second line ruins it! I think it's pretty obvious that you're vulnerable if you're ankle deep and barefoot in a cold creek in ...