Published April 9, 2010
I am ankle deep in an Appalachian creek
and I feel vulnerable.
Thick mud creeps between my toes and
cloaks my soles,
two uninvited guests traipsing through
the Haus of Crayfish.
I am anything but swift
as I lift stones with prodding fingers and
prepare to meet another whose
life has led him here;
to this moment,
to these murky waters.
We breathe and are still,
pausing to assess each other’s threat;
my acrylic pinchers painted red,
his brittle legs and beady eyes.
Like all awkward meetings
no one makes a move,
so we sit and watch a while,
wondering what the hell we’re doing
in this Appalachian creek.
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You actually made a good start. I like the concept of your poem. I like how you describe the situations and how you felt the experience in there. And I really have to agree on Sealegs, the second line totally ruins the starting line of your poem.
But anyway, I like the poem! Keep it up and peace out!
Hi,
I really enjoyed this. I love the opening; it was very fresh. The whole piece flows beautifully. I love;"Thick mud creeps between my toes". It's a great image. I think that "blankets" is a bit much.
"Who's" should be "whose" and "breath" should be "breathe".
"my acrylic pinchers painted red,
his brittle legs and beady eyes.
Like all awkward meetings
no one makes a move,
so we sit and watch a while,
wondering what the hell we’re doing
in this Appalachian creek."
is really brilliant, the imagery is fabulous, it flows beautifully, and I love the ending; it's very powerful.
A very enjoyable read.
Hope this helps.
Jas
I LOVE the opening line but the second line ruins it! I think it's pretty obvious that you're vulnerable if you're ankle deep and barefoot in a cold creek in the Appalachians. I also really like the toes/beady eyes stand off. Don't repeat Appalachian creek in the last line. Maybe another way to describe the creek?