sbitonti

Hi Bloodink! It is so refreshing to see an attempt at an essay on this site! First off, I enjoyed the quote you incorporated. It helps introduce the subject you ...

This is a very, very, very wonderful auditory poem. I understand your repetition, and you make use of it fantastically, but there is a line! You overuse a lot of ...

You make quite good use of sensory imagery! In order for this to be a masterpiece, I would suggest making it parallel. (I mean parallel voice with hearing, speaking with ...

The first thing I noticed was your use of dialogue within the poem. You do not see direct dialogue frequently in poems. You incorporated it quite nicely. However, the language ...

Excellent poem. Revise the poem starting from here: "On my paper boat, no one can hurt me, there’s only calm water as far as I can see. I’ll sail till ...

Hi Unconsoled (I love your username, by the way), The first thing I noticed was an inconsistency in tenses! Sometimes you use present tense (He says, I am) and other ...

Wow, this poem is a beauty in a very raw way. You do well at conveying feelings through actions. If you want to take this poem further, I'd suggest trying ...

Hi rothwise! I really do wish you would elaborate more! I get that you were aiming for a short poem, but it really takes a while to master. It's extremely ...

This poem started out so strong! I was captivated immediately, and realize the potential this has!! I love the format you chose. Whatever you do, don't divide it into stanzas. ...

Hi Evolies (Lovely name, btdubs), I am assuming that this is your attempt for the short poem November contest! I appreciate your use of the hyphens; however, your grammar is ...

Hi Deanie! Before reading your comment explaining that some of the lines in use were derived from some previously written songs, I recognized some of them, and was going to ...

Hi Candrew! I love the theme of this poem and the fact that this is your first attempt at a poem, makes it even more commendable! You do need a ...

Hi HSarver! First off, there are a few grammatical errors in this poem! "In regards to love for another" The words "in regards" and "to love" is called nominalization, the ...

This poem is AMAZING. Particularly for the last two lines: "of your tobacco stained kisses stinging my lungs" I wish you'd incorporate more of this vivid imagery throughout your poem. ...

Hey Love! You did a very good job of creating a poem that is short, and flows well. However, since you are looking to enter a contest, I'd suggest creating ...