By BloodinkSeesFootage
‘Despair is a narcotic. It lulls the mind into a sense of indifference.’ ~ Charlie Chaplin
When was the last time you felt down?
Studies revealed this year suggest that the quality of teenage mental health is deteriorating rapidly. The suggestion that the teenage generation or ‘Generation X’ as they have been subsequently dubbed have “nothing to live for,” has highlighted an old fashioned case of the ‘blues.’
The dictionary categorises ‘despair’ as “the complete loss or absence of hope.’ A key characteristic of depression, and roughly 11 percent of adolescents have a depressive disorder by age 18.
‘Be it in the disaster with the world’s economy, the increasing competition with university placements or something as simple as the stress of exams, being a teenager is hard work.’ Says Pam McGowan from the Children’s Mental Health Trust.
Interestingly, girls are more likely to develop depression than boys; however the risk increases in both sexes with age.
‘There is a lot of pressure on young women to conform to look a certain way in an aesthetic sense. This is partly responsible for the cause of depression in young women I believe. Boys don’t feel it in the same way.’ Confirms McGowan.
Despite personal difficulties and emotional turmoil, it is externally becoming increasingly difficult for adolescents to find motivation it seems.
‘Schools and educational establishments put too much stress on getting your work done to get a job. Focus on what the student enjoys and is actually good is at lost.’ McGowan explains.
Her theory seems correct, with reports confirming that 39% of the college students will feel hopeless during the academic year; with 84% feeling overwhelmed by their workload.
McGowan also added: ‘What we need is a more human approach to the education system. Where students aren’t just a name; but a person. Then perhaps we can prevent sending some of them to despair through being lost in the realms of their generation.’
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You wouldn't happen to listen to the Arctic Monkeys, would you?
You are like... so amaze-balls... XD
Yus I would. Good title spotting.
*happy dances* YOU, my friend, have excellent taste!
This was an excellent article, too, by the way.
Awww. Thanks. And ditto
Hi there BloodInk! Nite here to offer a review.
First off, I think this is a great topic to write an essay on. Depression affects a lot of people, especially in adolescence and early adulthood. However, I think this essay could be stronger.
First question: What is the thesis statement of this essay, the main point? It's a bit unclear at the moment because you lightly touch on a couple different themes: the prevalence among adolescents, depression in boys vs. girls, and how the educational system affects depression. You have the most on the third one, but what it says right now suggests that simply being stressed out by school is equivalent to depression, which isn't really true. I might clarify your sub-points more. How does education affect depression? What could change to alleviate these problems (e.g. teacher training to ID depression, better counseling resources, etc.)? What else causes depression (e.g. genetics, home environment, etc.)
Second: Are there better sources to support the thesis? I searched for "children's mental health trust" and didn't find much. Is this "Pam McGowan" a credible source? Does she work with children and adolescents? Does she have a degree in the subject or work in education? What biases might be present in "The Children's Mental Health Trust"? Ideally, you should multiple sources, including psychiatrists and psychologists who study and/or work with adolescents. Also, the statistics you have listed should have a source, as I can't tell whether they're referring to one university, state, country, or the entire world.
I agree this sentence could be stronger. It reads like you were trying too hard to sound formal/passive at the expense of clarity. Also, "Generation X" refers to the kids who were born in the 70's to early 80's (possibly your parents). Today's young people are more often referred to as "Generation Y" or "millenials". Also, depression goes beyond an "old-fashioned case of the blues".
I might suggest something like "Many teenagers today feel as if they have nothing to live for and experience symptoms much stronger than a case of "the blues"".
Overall, I think this is an important topic to write about, and a strong thesis and sources will make this essay more persuasive. I also really liked the quote at the beginning! Keep writing!
Hi Bloodink!
It is so refreshing to see an attempt at an essay on this site! First off, I enjoyed the quote you incorporated. It helps introduce the subject you will be writing about, and is known to be a successful "hook" in journalism.
I also appreciate that you are tackling this subject- depression in adolescents- because this topic is prominent yet not discussed as seriously as it should be.
"The suggestion that the teenage generation or ‘Generation X’ as they have been subsequently dubbed have “nothing to live for,” has highlighted an old fashioned case of the ‘blues.’"
This paragraph has too many prepositional phrases. When writing an essay, the format is different rather than writing fiction, poetry, etc (these use highly descriptive language, and can get away with long sentences.) Here, you can't! The goal is to be as precise as possible, linguistic-wise. I'd suggest splitting this into new sentences: One describing the generation, the other with the correlating mental illnesses. Also, be very picky in the vocabulary you choose. I'm not sure that "highlighting" is not the exact, right word. Try looking up lists of verbs to use in college. On another note, limit your quotes! Especially so soon into the essay. While you will use quotes in order to provide evidence, don't forget that this essay is about YOU and YOUR OPINION. The best kind of essay if one where the writer takes a topic and writes about it in a very unique angle!
You have a lot of facts here. I disagree with the facts that limit depression symptoms to be categorized by genders. That will not be receptive to your audience- who happen to be teenagers themselves!
Again, be careful with the diction you choose:"Despite personal difficulties and emotional turmoil, it is externally becoming increasingly difficult for adolescents to find motivation it seems."
I think instead of externally, I think you mean exponentially. Also the "it seems" at the end of the sentence is unnecessary. I you decide to keep it, you are missing a comma after motivation.
Good information. I hope you chose to expand this article a little bit more. Great job with the factual information!
-Sbitonti
Oops, I forgot to add: Don't end the article with a quote! You want to leave the reader with your, the writer's, opinion!
Thank you, you gave some really helpful comments here and I will keep them in mind. Great.
This is really well written and full of thought-provoking facts. I so agree with your final quote too, that the education system should focus on individuals more, be more 'human', and not just focus on exam results.
Maybe you could balance this out with a couple of quotes from adolescents who feel overwhelmed, just to get their views down too, and not just the (so-called!) experts here? I think it would be good to get a kind of 'vox pop' along with all your facts.
But an excellent - if somewhat depressing! - article that should make readers sit up and take note.
Yes, that would be quite interesting. To talk about depression and certain mental illnesses from the adolescents' perspective!!
I agree sbitonti. I myself suffer form major depression and other new mental health issues that are getting bad. I feel that mental health should be more understood. Their is so much stigma towards it.