The guile path,
You led me in
The undiscovered wrath,
Quickly fell in.
(This was one of my practice poems for the short poem contest, not my final submission)
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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That was really short. If I were you, I would make it longer. It seems rather unexplained and too abrupt and short. It definitely feels unfinished and there is some definite potential for more. Other than that, I think you're doing great. I looked over a few of your other poems and they seemed pretty good. I hope you continue to develop your writing skills, you certainly do have a lot of talent in there.
It was short because its an entry for a SHORT POEM contest. Sorry for the misunderstanding
Don't worry about it, I enjoyed it all the same.
ATTENTION: I have edited the poem. I guess you could say I attempted to add more "depth". So, tell me if it is any better than the first version. I tried to go for the same idea, but to make it more ambiguous. Sorry if you didn't get to see the first try, but now you can enjoy the second. P.S. I added more practice short poems if anyone wants to check them out. Thanks!
For a practice, this is quite good! It flows well and I really look forward to reading the full thing in the future.
Though try to add more depth into this poem, as adding more will give the reader a better look into the story behind the poem and you can really take this far.
Look forward to reading more, keep up the good work!
0rki3
I loved this poem. And I can relate to it. I once dated someone who was all charm and smiles. I found out the hard way he was mentally controlling. I loved how this flowed and was easy to read, and to understand. Keep up the good work!
Hey Love!
You did a very good job of creating a poem that is short, and flows well. However, since you are looking to enter a contest, I'd suggest creating a more ambiguous poem, or at least showing more depth in the one you've written here! This can be accomplished by having a more hidden message, thus, adding depth to your poem. Try not to make it so obvious, in other words.
But with the competitive aspect of it aside, this is a very good, short poem!
Keep Writing!
-Sbitonti