mandax

I was distracted from the actual message because of the mistakes I found regarding rhyme, flow, and grammar. The fact that there are only two words that are capitalized kind ...

Alright, let me start by saying that I liked it. If it had more rythm/structure, I would LOVE it. The last line kind of bothered me just because I'm a ...

This is good. I love the diction and the rhyme, though some rhymes seem forced, like in the fourth and fifth couplets. There didn't seem to be much of a ...

The body still lay on the sofa in the other room: raped, cut up, and killed. Hm, I was thinking that maybe "cut up" isn't the best term to use. ...

When I read this, I couldn't help bu think of the Destiny's Child song, "Survivor". Using that phrase, "I'm a survivor" is a bad idea since it is overused so ...

I like how you use an ocean in this, and while the ripple is very fitting ... it's kind of cliche. I also don't quite understand how the sunset makes ...

I have to agree with piepiemann22 that there ARE a lot of poems like this ... even though it's a pretty good poem. Thing is, in order to pull of ...

First of, shouldn't this be in the lyrics section? But anyway, it's a good song. The theme is kind of cliche, so I would suggest bringing a fresh new approach ...

I think you are too blunt with the theme. Some of the points you make are pretty obvious. Try coming up with a certain situation to stick with, maybe? It ...

I'm new to this board, and I'm not an expert on poetry, but I thought I'd give critiquing a try. I liked the third stanza the best, and I think ...