lyrical_sunshine

out of the darkness and inot the light, we search for a chance to get into the fight. Out of the starkness of love gone awry We mumble and stumble, ...

Hmm... i think the second verse should have more to it. And maybe work on the chorus just a tad bit more. Some parts seem kind of random, such as ...

the 3rd book made me want to hit James Patterson over the head with a dull ax. Yes, it was hilarious, but NOTHING MADE ANY SENSE!!!! and the things that ...

oooh! i see the symbolism! *is proud* just because a fire is bright doesn't mean it is great; the ember is greater, because of its determination and steadfastness. yay! ok, ...

I have officially decided that i will not do long critiques of poetry, since part of poetry mean a lot of rules don't apply. I really really liked it. It's ...

Let me just say that this year in Newspaper is going much, much better. I'm also planning on running for Editor in Chief for next year. Best of luck. I'm ...

So, i really loved the way you made a completely ordinary, every day thing into a really funny story! This was great! you are a little comma-happy though. I tried ...

Wow, awesome, awesome piece! It's so original and so full of...uh...color! lol. Really, the imagery is beautiful. But I did find some things that confused me or just misplaced commas ...

It was a dreary day at Hallows Wharf. The feeble March sun struggled to fight through the gray haze that engulfed the shore. Even the bright reds and yellows of ...

very pretty, but is this actually a poem? you might want to post it in "Other Fiction" or something. in the second paragraph i don't think i liked the word ...

third stanza would be great. in my opinion you should have a slightly more hopeful tone if you added a third stanza. why do we mourn? we mourn because we ...

OOOH, Airborn is on my list of top ten favorite books. i haven't read Skybreaker yet but i REALLY REALLY want to. and yes, cloud cats can fly. but Kyte, ...

I actually think the only time I cried was when Harry held the Snith to his mouth and said, "I am about to die." And right there I just broke ...

the only part i didn't like was the second to last line. "I never thought about the war." just because it makes it sound suddenly political and i don't like ...

gah, i'm not a musician, so i'm not the person to ask. but i am a music lover, and i really liked this. :D i wish i could hear the ...