Hormones, Homework, and Hot Lunches- Period 3

Very good.

AA said a lot of the things I would have said, but there's still a few I'd point out:

I think you could do from adding a little more detail to this narrative. It is a little too short for *my* taste, especially when condensing an entire year. The sentence can be a little too blunt and had me reading them over again a few times to see what you were getting across. Always remember when writing about a life experience that you draw on everything you went through or did with this particular time. You can use anything you want. Not just 'filler' but substane.

Is there any during-school/class Yearbook V. Newspaper competition? They seem to pop up in the last paragraphs without any previous mention. Would be interesting to see how the two groups get along during the rest of the year.

Otherwise, love the style that you use and would love to see more. Keep it up!

Hey! I really liked this. You did a great job. The only thing that kind of bothered me is that you didn't put in is what you do in that class. You could have given examples of what projects you did.

That is the only thing I could find. All of the other things were mentioned above. Great job, Razor!

Saint Razorblade wrote:
Let me just say that this year in Newspaper is going much, much better. I'm also planning on running for Editor in Chief for next year.

Well I hope you get editor in cheif. That would be a great compliment. I thrive on compliments, which means it's good that my English teacher and family think my writing is brilliant.

I liked this. Sounds like a great 'class'. Wish I had it.

Saint Razorblade wrote:This is the third in a series of small writing exercises I did describing my high school experiences last year. I took one sheet of paper and filled out both sides with random bits and pieces about a particular class period. No real point or purpose other than exercise.

Period 3: Newspaper

Newspaper is a strange class. I am one of the two freshmen in a class of all four years, predominantly juniors and seniors. I am an anomaly. I did not take the prerequisite of journalism. Everyone else, including the other freshman, did. Mrs. [Back], most commonly referred to minus the prefix, got hold of an early draft of an old novel I wrote and loved it. She loved it so much she gave me approval to skip journalism. I hate to break it to her that I've scratched what she read.

Newspaper leaves me with mixed feelings. I am not a fan of talking to strangers, but I enjoy writing stories and seeing them in print. I don't like to get quotes. I learn a lot about what to do and what not to do in that class. It's a bittersweet experience. I have many regrets, but I wouldn't go back and change anything. Everything worked out on its own.

The green stood out too much, it didn't support anything or line up with another suporting idea. You might want to move the line else where or combine it with a suitable sentence

I have many friends in this class, many of whom I've made this year. My homeroom all four years will be this class. Back is a small and spunky woman whom I admire. She first appears edgy and uncaring, but she is- in essence- a mother, and she truly does care for her students. At parent/teacher conferences she tells my dad- in front of me- that I'm a better journalist and writer than our Editor in Chief, who is now working on her journalism degree. This compliment gives me renewed strength and confidence, but not an ego. Never an ego. In fact, I've only ever said this once before, to Bianca, and only in passing. I preferred to be a silent observer[s] then[/s].

You might want to rephrase. It didn't quite line up with compliment section and made me wonder what had you only told once

At the end of the year we vote on who will take the new positions. Our seniors are leaving us and the power vacuum must be filled. Tiffanie and Rachel compete for Editor in Chief. They both have their strengths and weaknesses. Tiffanie is kind and helpful, but needs to be firmer to be a good leader. Rachel is firm and commanding, but she has way too much on her plate. The class votes Rachel. I know it's just [s]because it's[/s] a popularity contest. I volunteered for no position but ended up Life Editor- the section for video games, movie releases, cd reviews, etc.- when there's no one else for it. I don't mind. I think I'll make a good, if not power crazed, editor.

At the end of the year we have a banquet at LaserQuest. We join in with the Yearbook staff. Three games of tag- one free-for-all and two Yearbook versus Newspaper. I've only ever played laser tag once before. I place decently in the free-for-all. I come completely out of the woodwork and land the number 1 spot on the first team game, winning it for Newspaper. The compliments I receive make me feel like I can fly. The third game Yearbook wins by a landslide. I fail fantastically. Go figure. I still have my first place scorecard, though.

Between getting advertisements (we're not funded by the school, which is total bull) and stories and our "final" of laying out pages, I scrounge through with a low A. Not bad for someone with the journalistic experience of a hamster.

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Let me just say that this year in Newspaper is going much, much better. I'm also planning on running for Editor in Chief for next year.