faith

The descriptions at the beginning were pretty and not overdone but the small ammount of dialogue there was sounded stiff. "I'm glad you are awake Rachel" people usually use contractions ...

hmmm... the strong rhyme scheme emphasizes the sort of drugrush feel to the poem... it was less annoying than most rhyming poetry but I can't say as I liked it. ...

An example of a good poem. Nothing too fancy, just poignant and well-executed. Good use of repetition, and the ending sort of lingers in your mind after the poem is ...

I like reminds me of a Neil Gaiman novel. The personification of death, that is. One suggestion- expand the last sentence, 'tommorows are hung.' Its just the coolest image... since ...

first of all, you work well together. but this is a little disjointed, for obvious reasons, since two people wrote it. you have thought swhich just sort of fade out ...

i really like this...i'm guessing the mannquins are meant to portray the abecrombie wearing sheepy highschoolers we so love to hate? even if it wasn't your itnention, it fits. the ...

just a quick comment- when i read a poem entitled 'the pain within', it does not entice me to read further... it promises a poem of gothic melodrama where somebody ...

some parts of this are really beautiful, in a simple way Never again, never again, Will I succumb to the back of your hand, Forever bruised, Scars you will never ...

the first line wasn't anything special in my opinion, but i rather life the image of 'black overpowering love', because its in contrast to our normal views of love as ...

pretty, but it rambled a bit, and what's a salad day? careful not to get too obscure with your metaphors, otherwise they just confuse the reader and break the spell ...

i agree- this was very good. strong ending. i know a good place you could submit it: they dont take a lot of submissions, not all that are submitted get ...

you did a good job replicating the style and 'voice' of the Thoroughbred series. heh with a little work you could be a ghostwriter for it hehe. anyway, you need ...

I agree that its a bit cliche- one thing I suggest is to try freestyle- don't rhyme 'deep', emotional poems like this, because they often come off sounding like sappy ...

you are developing a very nice sense of cynicism. This is a great political poem, showing that human nature makes it impossible for us to coexist peacefully for any length ...

i could have sworn i commented on this already but i guess not :? it borders on the 'mushy icky romantic' type of poem that makes me cringe but is ...