Published November 24, 2004
There I was…again…crouched on the floor, in the same old alleyway, surrounded by the same old monsters.
Is it my fault? Was it something I did? Was it something I said?
Maybe it is my fault, for once I’m right. They’re different from me – I’m freak, a retard. No! I’m more than that – I’m a reject.
I wonder sometimes what it must be like to not be in the victim in this game of Cat and Mouse we call Life.
Each dig, poke, prod, punch drills into me the undeniable notion that I will never be. Imagine, me, a winner, a succeeder, an achiever. It’s all a joke.
I lie here, broken inside just waiting for the next attack, for the next round. I deserve it really. I mean look at me, I lie here surrounded by my blood, my sweat and my tears and I am unable to get up. I just ponder on my menial existence. Maybe I’m just a pawn in a surreal game of Chess, being sacrificed to protect the better ones. The ones that are always right and always on the top rung of the ladder, being silently watched by the wannabes, the failures.
I begin to stir, I dare to open my eyes, to take the peek at the people who hide, slip into the dark I dare to cheat. Maybe if I was strong enough I could find their hideout and keep away from it – no mans’ land, the forbidden ground.
I suppose I should hide, creep away into my shell, prevent them from seeing me. But there’s a nagging feeling, a voice resounding in my head telling me to stay where I am, “Don’t move, show them you can take it, maybe, just maybe, you’ll turn into them – you’ll be able to reach the top rung.”
I know the thought is silly, but still I lie there, motionless, in the vain hope that I could be like them, just to turn into the King or Queen of the Board. What an inconceivable idea, a stupid notion, I know this, but still I tell myself that “Maybe this time it will happen!” but ‘this time’ never arrives.
I could be losing my mind, falling to pieces. Every piece I lose prevents me from being whole. I am the jigsaw with the missing pieces, incomplete, insufficient, worthless, who wants a broken Jigsaw?
I am the freak, the retard, the reject, the mouse, the pawn, the failure, the wannabe snail, the worthless one, the broken jigsaw.
I am the Game.
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140,292 Literary Works • 673,076 Reviews
This story is an incredibly powerful exploration of self-doubt, isolation, and the psychological effects of feeling trapped in a cycle of failure and rejection. I like your skillful uses of vivid, raw language to portray the inner turmoil of the protagonist, making their pain palpable and relatable. The metaphor of being a "pawn" in a game of life and the haunting image of a "broken jigsaw" expertly convey the character's fractured self-perception. The emotional depth and the relentless questioning of their worth are compelling and heartbreaking, making the piece impossible to ignore. Your ability to capture the complexity of these feelings with such honesty and intensity is truly commendable, drawing readers into a deeply introspective and gripping narrative.
Hey, thanks for posting. This is Saad from 2022 back here with a review.
I really like this piece. As a piece of flash fiction or as a story, I'll be honest, it doesn't hold up, but as a monologue intended to light the prologue into action, it is perfect.
I like your descriptions. 'Who wants a broken jigsaw?', 'maybe I'm just a pawn in a surreal game of Chess', and so on. These all feel really thought out, and I appreciate thoughtful descriptions that show us our character visibly. Here, you have replaced visual descriptions with mental descriptions - but still, it gets me into the character's headspace.
I really would love a little bit more context as this seems vague and shuffled. I understand the sort of tone that it evokes -- somber yet fired up.
That's all I can say about this one.
I really liked this story, and I am waiting for a continuation (after eighteen years...)
Good Morning/ Good Afternoon/ Good Evening and Good Night whichever it is when you read this.
Hi! It's Harry here for a quick review. Apologizing in advance for any mistakes in this one because I am currently on moblie here.
Anyways so onto this piece here. Its an intriguing little monologue almost that you've got right here, not quite a story and yet it seems like something that is part of a pretty well established universe.
There's an immediate hook for us readers there on that and the way you gradually build up there from a somewhat relatively neutral start really sells the whole thing pretty well here. You do a pretty solid job of making the whole thing feel very gradual even though this is a pretty short piece here.
The protagonists thoughts there also really add a nice touch to it in addition to just the little descriptions were get. All in all it seems like this piece sets out to achieve a pretty simple goal and does a pretty solid job of doing so.
And that's about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think is helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Heyyyy!!! Forever here for a review!!
This piece was a little confusing. The reviews below me says it is a flash fiction, I am not quite familiar with that. So, I will try. A flash fiction is supposed to convey a wholesome idea and the reader is supposed to get a clear picture of what's going on. Somehow, I felt that the picture was not quite clear, at least to me.
To start with, what is the exact meaning of "game" here. Does the piece somehow contrast and compare between a game and life itself? Does it somehow describes life as a game? There are a lot of things which I didn't understand. First of all, you refer yourself as a victim of a game and at last, you refer to yourself as the game. What really happened in between? Does that somehow shows the thing that people blame others for something which they haven't done or something like that? You see, if we see it as a game, a simple game, people often blame the game to be bad or something for their fate, maybe they lost.
Now if you are talking about the game of life, how should I interpret it? You are life? I mean you were referring a human being as life? If yes, that can be a great thing. That also simplifies a lot of things or rather aspects of the story.
Something which I really like about the story is the descriptions of regret and the feeling that you are not important. Like how you describe yourself as the pawn in chess, a broken jigsaw. This helps the reader to visualize. Good job with that!
Keep Writing!
~Forever
Hi, mim! I'm Magestorrow, but you can call me Mage. And I'm here to review your work!
This story is really interesting. It confused me at some parts, but this is the first flash fiction piece I've read before, so that's to be expected. You do an amazing job with the description in this.
Now for the grammar stuff, and for ways to make the story be able to flow easier. I had an easy time reading most of it, but some of it I had to reread several times to understand what you were trying to get across.
The first sentence seemed like a run on to me, but - as I said earlier - I haven't read flash fiction before so that could be the style. I would suggest changing it to something like,
For the second sentence, I think that the apostrophe should come before the "s".
There's just a couple little nit-picky stuff here. I think you forgot a couple of commas.
Last thing. This is just a suggestion. The way you have the beginning right now works, but it seems to start off slower than the rest of the story.
I would suggest changing the ellipsis to hyphens. Like this:
Other than that, this was awesome! Keep up the great work - which I doubt that you'll have trouble with that - and good luck on all of your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night!
Wow, this is very good. I really liked the idea and the way your wrote it was very nice.
Nicely written & nice details! I'd love to see more of your work.
I would consider revising this a bit. Although it is a powerful beginning, it is also a run on sentence, and hard to get through in one 'breath'.
Perhaps it could be broken up a bit.
Other than that, very good.
i agree- this was very good. strong ending. i know a good place you could submit it: http://www.cricketmag.com/activity_display.asp?id=207
they dont take a lot of submissions, not all that are submitted get published, only the ones they consider the best. they taker poetry and flash fiction. its not too hard to get in, i've had 3-4 poems that got posted on it.
I found this a good read and humorous on top of that.
An unusual perspective, but you seem to have pulled it off well!
Thanx I'm glad you liked the piece... i really appreciate your comments! x
You really are good at flash fiction and this is the best one I've read by you thus far. I didn't spot any grammatical errors, the sentence structure is perfect, and the way you convey the emotions is excellent. This is a top notch story by far!